Rebuilding Self-Trust

When your word becomes negotiable to yourself, your confidence predictably collapses.

Across modern culture, we are living through a massive "trust recession"—and it starts in the most ordinary moments of our daily lives. Every time you set an alarm for 6:00 AM and hit snooze, promise yourself a fresh start on Monday only to indulge in ice cream, or casually tell an acquaintance "Let's do lunch" without placing it on your calendar, your brain registers a failed contract. You are making continuous withdrawals from your internal self-trust account. Over time, these stacked micro-failures construct an identity script that whispers: "I am a person who doesn't finish." You end up trapped in self-doubt, second-guessing your potential, and sabotaging your own momentum the moment real progress begins to feel uncomfortable.

In this high-energy, framework-rich episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jana and Jason Shelfer expose how tiny broken promises erode personal integrity and outline the precise mechanics for rebuilding self-trust from the ground up. Utilizing identity-based habit models, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) reframes, and an actionable "evidence locker" strategy, they reveal how to transition from learned helplessness into undeniable, action-backed self-confidence.

Inside:

• The Mechanics of the Trust Recession: How casual scripts, unscheduled plans, and morning alarm failures systematically liquidate your internal credibility.
• The Trust Bank Account Model: How making small, repeatable daily deposits (like making the bed or flossing) builds a foundation of personal integrity.
• The "I Am" Identity Triad: The exact three-step formula—Identity + Typical Behavior + Today's Choice—that aligns self-talk with immediate execution.
• Why "I'm Quitting" Backfires: How phraseology like "I'm quitting" locks your mind in a perpetual future struggle, whereas "I am a non-smoker" grounds your behavior in present identity.
• Overcoming the "Bet It All on Black" Sabotage: Why high-performers blow up weeks of progress after a single mistake—and how coaching reframes slip-ups into feedback instead of failure.

Stop letting casual excuses bankrupt your internal credit. If you are ready to stop liquidating your reputation with yourself, build an evidence locker of wins, and forge confidence that holds under pressure, hit play now.

Listen to the audio, watch the official video broadcast, subscribe, and name the one small promise you will keep today.

NUGGETS

• Confidence is built on evidence, not mood. You cannot manifest self-trust with affirmations; you build it by stacking proof of kept commitments.
• Your word is your internal currency. Breaking small promises to yourself trains your subconscious to treat your intentions as negotiable.
• Shift from future effort to present identity. Saying "I am quitting" keeps the habit active; stating "I am a non-smoker" dictates immediate behavior.
• Stop betting it all on black after one slip-up. A single mistake is feedback, not a reason to liquidate weeks of built-up trust bank deposits.
• Outside coaches spot self-sabotage loops. Objective mentors help you reverse engineer your goals and call out identity blind spots before you blow up progress.

• rebuilding self trust and confidence
• trust recession personal development
• identity based habits i am formula
• neurolinguistic programming habit change
• tracking wins evidence locker self confidence
• overcoming self sabotage in personal growth
• why casual promises erode self trust
• how hitting snooze affects personal integrity
• difference between im quitting and im a non smoker
• treating self trust like a bank account
• reframing mistakes as feedback instead of failure
• how to stop blowing up progress after one slip up
• living lucky podcast episode on self trust

Questions:

What is the "Trust Recession" in personal development? The "Trust Recession" refers to the psychological erosion of self-confidence caused by repeatedly making promises to oneself or others and failing to follow through. Every unkept commitment—such as hitting the snooze button, breaking a diet plan, or making insincere social offers—acts as a withdrawal from an individual's internal trust account, conditioning the brain to view one's own word as unreliable.

How does the "I Am" Identity Formula accelerate habit formation? The "I Am" Identity Formula accelerates habit formation by aligning present choices with a clear core identity rather than relying on temporary willpower. The three-step sequence operates as follows:

1. Identity Statement: "I am [Identity]" (e.g., "I am a healthy person").
2. Normative Behavior: "People like me do [Action]" (e.g., "Healthy people choose nutritious food").
3. Immediate Execution: "Therefore, I do [Today's Choice]" (e.g., "Therefore, I choose a nutritious meal").

Why do high-performers engage in self-sabotage after building momentum? High-performers often engage in self-sabotage because sustained progress creates cognitive dissonance when their growing success outpaces their historical internal identity. Unaccustomed to high self-trust, the brain experiences discomfort with success. Consequently, after a minor mistake, the individual may "bet it all on black"—rationalizing complete abandonment of the routine to return to a familiar baseline of struggle.

• America's Trust Deficit: The quiet crisis of broken promises 
  Jana and Jason launch the studio session introducing the Trust Recession. Discover why making commitments you don't keep erodes your confidence foundation.
• Raising Standards vs. Lowering Expectations: The 8-year lesson 
  Jason reflects on how Jana called out casual social scripts. Learn why eliminating off-hand promises like "Let's do lunch" protects your internal credibility.
• The Snooze Button Integrity Check: How morning habits leak confidence Unpacking what happens when your brain registers an alarm failure. Learn how reneging on your first daily goal conditions you to expect failure across major targets.
• The Trust Bank Account Model: Making small daily deposits 
  Jason breaks down the concept of building internal equity. Learn how completing simple, repeatable reps (like making the bed) builds an undeniable "evidence locker."
• The "I Am" Identity Formula: Neurolinguistic programming for habits
  Jana and Jason walk step-by-step through the identity model. Discover why shifting your self-talk from "I'm quitting" to "I am a non-smoker" instantly aligns your actions.
• Congruence & Subconscious Alignment: Why the brain demands proof How your brain actively hunts for evidence to support your identity statements. Discover how neurolinguistic alignment stops internal friction.
• "Betting It All on Black": Breaking the self-sabotage loop 
  Jason details why people blow up weeks of progress after a single mistake. Learn how outside coaching reframes minor slip-ups into feedback instead of total failure.
• Rebuilding Your Evidence Locker: Final takeaways and sign-off
  Wrapping up with the ultimate Living Lucky®takeaway: make small deposits, track your wins, and protect your word. Access the call to subscribe and share.

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Transcript

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Trust Starts With A Choice

Jana Shelfer 0:00

I trust myself.

Jason Shelfer 0:02

I want you to trust me.

Jana Shelfer 0:04

When I come in.

Jason Shelfer 0:07

I make it a I make it a priority. That's too many syllables.

Jana Shelfer 0:13

We're talking about trusting yourself. America is in a trust deficit, a trust recession, and we're gonna show you how to avoid it.

What A Trust Recession Means

Jana Shelfer 0:39

I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®. You are too. We're talking about a trust recession. Now, what in the heck are they talking about?

Jason Shelfer 0:47

Yeah, well, this is a tap back to Monday's podcast about a trust recession where we we don't trust ourselves anymore because we've made commitments. We've we've Do you trust yourself? I do. And we've learned to do this because we But we've had to consciously do it. Yes, and it and it's because we recognize and and you called us out on this seven, eight years ago.

Jana Shelfer 1:09

Oh, I've I call us out all the time. Right. Jason often looks at me and he's like, come on, Janna, can we just give a little slack this time?

Speaker 1:18

Do we have to make the bed right now?

Jana Shelfer 1:21

I have a I'm a whip sometimes. I'm like, no.

Speaker 1:24

Do I have to floss in the middle of the day? Yes. I'm such a bitch. I've got standards. I do.

Jana Shelfer 1:36

And it's and people are like, come on, Janna, lower your expectations. And I say, raise your standards.

Jason Shelfer 1:43

Right. And that there's a beauty to it because one of these what what happened eight years ago, eight, nine years ago was we recognized that a lot of times in a casual conversation, we would be having a great time with someone, and we would say, Hey,

When Your Word Loses Weight

Jason Shelfer 2:00

let's get together Friday for lunch. You know, and we don't know what this would be.

Jana Shelfer 2:05

And we really didn't we really didn't want to have lunch with them.

Jason Shelfer 2:09

Or we would at the moment. Let's be real. We had no idea what was coming on for through the week, and the week would say.

Jana Shelfer 2:15

It was just something we would say.

Jason Shelfer 2:16

It was almost just something we would say.

Jana Shelfer 2:19

And in fact, I think so many people uh learn scripts and they just go through the motions and say what they think is supposed to be said, or what feels good in the moment, and it's and there's no commitment behind it, there's no putting it in the calendar.

Jason Shelfer 2:34

Yeah, it's a let's just say something that feels good right now, and I'm not gonna put it in the calendar, but my brain registers I said I'm going to do this, and then when Friday shows up, and I don't do it, I say, and then I start thinking of, oh my gosh, I said this, or someone else might be counting on me. Such a little shit. Then we take that that trust out of ourselves subconsciously or consciously, and now we start trusting ourselves less.

Jana Shelfer 3:01

Well, because our word means just a little bit less. You know, in the olden days, or I know in the Midwest, it was like, my word is my bond. Well, my dad If you say you're gonna do something, you gotta do it.

Jason Shelfer 3:14

Color high water. Uh-huh. My dad used to say, You can fix your credit, you can't fix your word.

Jana Shelfer 3:19

I mean, in fact, I I think sometimes in farming, they wouldn't even have contracts. It was just hands. Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 3:26

This is this is what I'm telling you I'm gonna do. Uh-huh. I will go out there and do it. Which nowadays God willing in the creek don't rise.

Jana Shelfer 3:33

Nowadays that would be crazy talk. Right. It'd be like Call my lawyer.

Jason Shelfer 3:38

Call my attorney. We want to drop a contract.

Jana Shelfer 3:40

No, we gotta drop a contract.

Jason Shelfer 3:43

Let's make sure we're agreeing on

Snooze Buttons And Broken Promises

Jason Shelfer 3:45

this. Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 3:46

We talked earlier this past week about how we have stopped trusting ourselves. And when you don't say what you're gonna do and you don't do what you're gonna say or what you say, however that goes.

Jason Shelfer 4:01

You start eroding your confidence and your trust in yourself.

Jana Shelfer 4:04

That's exactly the result that happens. Your confidence starts to shriek. So then people show up and go, Why don't I have any confidence? Well, it's because you hit snooze all the time. You say, Oh, I'm gonna get up at 6 a.m. And then when the snoo when the alarm goes off, you're like, ah, I lied. I'm not really gonna get up.

Jason Shelfer 4:24

You don't believe in yourself, you don't believe you're the person that will follow through.

Jana Shelfer 4:28

Or you say, you know what, I'm gonna start a diet on Monday. And then Monday comes and you're like, no, I'll wait. I'll just have ice cream.

Jason Shelfer 4:36

Why start if I'm gonna fail anyway?

Jana Shelfer 4:38

One more day. You know, what's it gonna do?

Jason Shelfer 4:40

Why start if I'm not gonna finish it? That's it.

Jana Shelfer 4:44

And we're all guilty of it. And we all do it in different areas of our lives.

Jason Shelfer 4:48

That's another part of it, is some a lot of times we don't recognize where it is that we're doing it. And that's that's the beauty of being married to you. Is it's because I see people see it, and I get to see it. I get to see it in you too. Oh, I know we all have these little sp spots. This is why we have our own coaches, because in our relationship we don't see it.

Jana Shelfer 5:08

No, I I know where my downfalls are. Right. I don't I don't need you to point them out.

Speaker 5:13

Just quit pointing out my thoughts.

Jana Shelfer 5:17

Okay, so how do we think the easiest make that transition and start getting that awareness, maybe?

Make Small Deposits Of Follow-Through

Jason Shelfer 5:27

So to me, we talked on Monday like it just think of it as a trust, like a bank account. And what if we just start making small deposits, something easy? Like like we started with our bed, make the bed every morning. Right. Tell myself, this is something I am going to do. I'm gonna make the bed every morning and do it. And then take note of it. We talk about all the time. Take note of your wins, like put a check mark in your little win category when you do it. Right. Because that is your evidence locker that says, I am a person who does this.

Jana Shelfer 6:04

Yes. You know, that's such a good point because it starts with your identity, really. I am a healthy person. Yes. Healthy people typically eat nutritious foods. Therefore, I eat nutritious foods. That's that's the circle sequence right there.

Jason Shelfer 6:27

So when we make that healthy decision, make a note in your win column. I made this healthy choice because I am a healthy person. What comes after I think that's what I'm saying because of who we think we are and what who we think a person like this would do in that situation.

Jana Shelfer 6:46

Oh my gosh.

Jason Shelfer 6:47

That is so So if I don't, if I if I've already said I've built up this evidence that I'm not a person who will finish, then I become the

Identity Language That Changes Habits

Jason Shelfer 6:55

person who won't finish because I've built that evidence pool. Now we're just reversing that evidence pool of the person who does the thing that I want to do.

Jana Shelfer 7:03

I feel like we need to maybe do that in slow motion. So again, because that was a lot of information in just that little five-second period. So can you repeat that formula? I am typically a person.

Jason Shelfer 7:19

I'm a person who so what part do we go into?

Jana Shelfer 7:22

So the whole formula. The formula is I am, whatever comes after I am is your identity. That is who you are, that is what you will experience, that is what you are creating in your reality. So I am a person who blah.

Jason Shelfer 7:40

Yes.

Jana Shelfer 7:41

Then the next sentence is people who are like me do this. So then that is the action that your identity does typically. Typically, people who are athletes exercise. Yes.

Jason Shelfer 8:01

And so we're gonna do what a person like that does. And if I think I'm a person who is like that, I will do those things.

Jana Shelfer 8:12

I am a non-smoker.

Jason Shelfer 8:15

That's right.

Jana Shelfer 8:15

So many people refuse people who are non-smokers do not smoke cigarettes.

Jason Shelfer 8:21

They don't buy cigarettes.

Jana Shelfer 8:22

Therefore, I do not buy cigarettes. Yes.

Jason Shelfer 8:26

People who are quitting smoking are always quitting smoking.

Jana Shelfer 8:31

Yeah. If you say, you know what, I'm gonna quit smoking, I'm gonna quit smoking, you're always going to be quitting smoking. Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 8:38

That's because I think quitting smoking has cigarettes, but they're stopping.

Jana Shelfer 8:43

You're telling your brain, I'm go gonna going to is in the future.

Jason Shelfer 8:48

I totally understand that because I've been down, I've been in that trap before. I was I was the person who was quitting for a long time.

Jana Shelfer 8:56

So what we're talking about here is neurolinguistic programming.

Jason Shelfer 9:00

Yeah, in a sense, yeah. It's it's because you're training yourself in who you are.

Jana Shelfer 9:06

Our brains are so smart, our brains are geniuses, and they are always going to prove to us whatever we say, think, and feel. So therefore, it's very important to say, think, and feel and act all in alignment, all in congruence. And that's really what the trust recession is all about. Yes. Is we're either saying something that's a little out of alignment with our actions, or we're feeling something that's a little out of alignment with our actions. Am I right or not?

Jason Shelfer 9:42

Am I right or am I right? And and it's so big, and it's not always easy. It's like it's like it's easy to see on paper that you have a period out of place, or that a word is out of alignment, right? Yes. Because there's it's ruled paper, you know? Like it's easy to see that, hey, these words are out of alignment. It's not so easy just when you're when you're talking about it.

Jana Shelfer 10:05

When you're experiencing it.

Jason Shelfer 10:07

Yes. And when you're telling yourself this story. Like it's easy to say, I'm quitting smoking because you know what you want the outcome to be is to for you to be a non-smoker. Uh-huh. What that's where it's like, okay,

Coaches, Feedback, And Self-Sabotage

Jason Shelfer 10:20

well, how do I work with someone that helps me say, what is the outcome, and how do I reverse engineer that? So how do I gain the trust in myself?

Jana Shelfer 10:28

It is so much easier to have an outside person, which is why we are such big believers in coaches, mentors, someone that is outside your immediate sphere because they can see it objectively. Whereas sometimes when we're in it, we have blind spots or we see things with a little bit of a bias.

Jason Shelfer 10:50

And they can also give you that feedback to say, hey, it's not failure, it is just feedback. It's like you made an effort. Give yourself credit for the effort so that you're not depleting all of your trust account. Yes. You know, because so often we will say, I screwed up. You know, I fell off. I fell off the diet bandwagon. Screw it. Let's go buy some pies and go buy some gallons of ice cream.

Jana Shelfer 11:15

Which is learned helplessness right there.

Jason Shelfer 11:17

Screw it. Let's blow it up.

Jana Shelfer 11:19

I we do that so much.

Jason Shelfer 11:21

Well, say, hey, you had a moment of weakness, but look how like for a week, for two weeks, you were rocking it. You were doing it. Like you, your trust account is high. Don't go bet it all on black right now.

Jana Shelfer 11:35

Jason, that is so good. That is so good. It's just because it works. That's that's what self-sabotage is, is we start building up this trust account, and then we're like, oh, this feels uncomfortable. Go all in. All of a sudden, all of a sudden, I'm making progress. And I don't, I don't like the the feeling of being successful.

Speaker 11:55

Go all in on a bad hand right now.

Jana Shelfer 11:57

Yeah, right. And so then we we just bet it all. Oh my gosh. And then we deplete all of our trust account. Yeah, and then all of a sudden we're back.

Speaker 12:07

Then we go, why me? Start over.

Jana Shelfer 12:12

Humans. Humans it's nature.

Jason Shelfer 12:14

That's why coaches are so powerful and so important. Just have that outside perspective.

Jana Shelfer 12:19

Oh okay. You might have to listen to you might have to listen to this podcast two or three times. There was a lot of information that was packed into these 10 minutes.

Final Takeaways And Sign-Off

Jana Shelfer 12:34

Luck does not happen on accident. We consciously create it every single day. Thank you so much for joining us. Keep living luck. Bye bye.