Why Does This Always Happen To Me?

Asking "Why is this always happening to me?" sounds like an innocent question, but it quietly locks you into a life where you are constantly bracing for impact.

Most people live in a state of unexamined stress conditioning. They lean on old idioms like "When it rains, it pours,"inadvertently training their nervous system to scan for threats, collect proof of bad luck, and interpret every operational setback as a personal attack. They get stuck in the comfortable trap of victim mode—where sympathy, attention, and excuses feel like safety—entirely blind to the reality that they are surrendering their personal agency. But staying parked in victim mode liquidates your future. You end up running a continuous doom loop, waiting for external conditions to change while your life passes you by.

In this transparent, unscripted episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, recorded in full Casual Friday studio mode, Jana and Jason dismantle the hidden scripts that keep creators and entrepreneurs stuck in "why me" thinking. Using a four-level video game model—moving from life happening to you, for you, through you, and ultimately by you—they break down how to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be without triggering your internal "bullsh*t meter."

Inside:

• The Video Game Progression: Moving from Level 1 (Life is happening TO me) to Level 4 (Life is happening BY me) and how to level up your perspective fast.
• The Secret Payoff of Victimhood: Why the ego loves "why me" thinking for the secondary gain of attention, sympathy, and bulletproof excuses.
• Fault vs. Responsibility: The critical distinction between who caused your current circumstances and your inherent response-ability to choose your next move.
• Ego Cleanup & Embarrassment: How mortifying moments (like a awkward date mishap) transform into humility training and comedy gold five years later.
• The "How Lucky Am I?" Reset: How Jana’s signature four-word question interrupts the doom loop and forces your Reticular Activating System (RAS) to scan for immediate assets.

Stop letting disempowering idioms write the script for your potential. If you are ready to claim your response-ability, shift from victim to creator, and point your focus toward real-world momentum, hit play now.

Listen to the audio, watch the official video broadcast, subscribe, and tell us which question you are choosing to ask next.

NUGGETS

• Language hardcodes your expectations. Repeating phrases like "When it rains, it pours" conditions your brain to look for chaos and stack proof of bad luck.
• Fault and responsibility are completely different. Your circumstances may not be your fault, but they are always your responsibility because you possess response-ability.
• Embarrassment is just future humor. Minor humiliations lower the ego, remind us we are human, and build the resilience required to navigate high-stakes moments.
• Your brain rejects unearned affirmations. Saying "I am a multimillionaire" when you are broke triggers internal resistance; build believable bridges with daily actions instead.
• Gratitude reveals hidden resources. Asking "How lucky am I?" forces your subconscious to scan your current environment for assets you can immediately build from.
• why does this always happen to me reframe
• difference between fault and responsibility
• life is happening for you not to you
• four levels of consciousness happening to for through by
• how to get out of victim mode
• how lucky am i signature journal question
• why do people stay in victim mindset for attention
• reframing embarrassing moments as future humor
• overcoming confirmation bias in personal development
• building believable affirmations without internal resistance
• how response ability creates personal agency
• converting a doom loop into a success cycle
• using gratitude journals to find personal resources

Questions:

What is the difference between fault and responsibility in mindset coaching? In mindset coaching, fault refers to who or what caused an event or circumstance in the past, while responsibility (defined as "response-ability") refers to an individual's current capacity to choose their reaction, meaning-making, and next action. While an adverse situation may not be your fault, taking responsibility hands you the agency to rewrite the outcome rather than remaining helpless.

What are the four levels of personal growth in the "Life Progression" model? The "Life Progression" model categorizes human perspective into four evolutionary levels:

1. Happening TO Me: Victim mindset; feeling powerless against external circumstances.
2. Happening FOR Me: Growth mindset; viewing challenges as lessons and spiritual curriculum.
3. Happening THROUGH Me: Flow state; acting as a proactive co-creator aligned with purpose.
4. Happening BY Me: Master/Guru level; consciously engineering reality through intentional thought and action.

Why do traditional positive affirmations often fail to change behavior? Traditional positive affirmations often fail because they trigger an internal "bullsh*t meter" or psychological resistance when the statement drastically contradicts an individual's current reality (e.g., stating "I am abundant" while experiencing severe debt). When the subconscious mind rejects the affirmation as false, it reinforces doubt rather than confidence. Effective reframing requires building believable, action-backed bridges.

• Idioms That Train Victimhood: The danger of "When it rains, it pours" Analyzing how everyday sayings shape subconscious identity. Learn how repeating disempowering phrases trains your brain to expect chaos and stack proof of failure.
• The Video Game Levels: To, For, Through, and By A breakdown of the four levels of perspective. Discover how moving from Level 1 (Life is happening TO me) to Level 2 (Life is happening FOR me) instantly unlocks personal agency.
• The Payoff of Victim Mode: Excuses, attention, and secondary gain Exposing why the ego loves staying planted in the junkyard. Learn how victimhood offers temporary comfort, sympathy, and excuses at the cost of your long-term power.
• Level 3 & Level 4 Execution: Living Lucky® through proactive co-creation How to step into the phase where life moves through you. Discover how daily practices in breathwork, meditation, and energy work build the foundation for real manifestation.
• Overcoming the "Bullsh*t Meter": Building believable bridges vs. fake affirmations Why chanting "I am a multimillionaire" backfires when your brain knows it isn't true. Learn how to construct believable, action-based statements that your subconscious can accept.
• Fault vs. Response-Ability: The ultimate circuit breaker for doom loops Jason's breakthrough reframe on taking ownership. Learn why claiming responsibility doesn't mean admitting fault—it simply means activating your ability to respond.
• The "How Lucky Am I?" Reset: Turning gratitude into actionable fuel Jana shares how her signature 1990 journal prompt turns crisis into opportunity by directing the brain to scan for available assets and build a success cycle.

 response ability reframe, fault vs responsibility, four levels of life, victim to creator mindset, how lucky am i reset, spiritual curriculum, overcoming confirmation bias, living lucky journals, the four-minute formula, living lucky frameworks

Transcript

Why Me And The Script Flip

Jana Shelfer 0:00

If you've ever had the thought, why me, Lord? Oh I mean, why me? You're gonna want to stay tuned. We're gonna help you flip the script. I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®. You are too. Today is Casual Friday.

Speaker 0:28

It is Casual Friday.

Jana Shelfer 0:30

Have you ever had the thought, why is this always happening? Maybe you've had a situation where you just think, oh my god, these circumstances, this just feels like a pattern.

Speaker 0:42

When it rains, it pours.

Jana Shelfer 0:44

Listen to you.

Speaker 0:46

I've heard that so much in my life, though.

Jana Shelfer 0:48

I'm telling you, Jason has idioms, he's got analogies, he's got a idiom. No, I didn't.

Speaker 0:55

Sound like my mother. Told me such an idiom. This is

Idioms That Train A Victim Mindset

Speaker 1:00

the thing. People have these idioms, and the idioms are around because we hold on to them and words matter, and they stick in our brains, and we subscribe to them, and we start believing that life is actually happening to us and that it's stacking things against us. Like there's there's some type of evil force out there working its magic against us. And it's I I think it's simply not true. Now, there was a time in my life where I was like, why is this always happening to me? Why is my car breaking down? Why am I getting laid off of work? Why don't I have why does the the money run out before the month does? You know, those are like it was always something there was and it created these excuses

Life As A Video Game Of Levels

Speaker 1:44

for me.

Jana Shelfer 1:45

It's almost like life is uh listen to me, now I'm going into the get in it. Now I'm going into similaries and metaphors, but it's always it's almost like life is a video game, right? Yes, and there's different levels, and when you get to this lower level, you do sometimes think life is happening to you. It's and I wouldn't And then when you when you get to the next level, you start realizing, oh wait, life is happening for me, and then there's another level. Whoa, wait a minute. Life is happening through me, and then very few people reach this pinnacle, but there is a guru level where life is happening by me. So there's different levels, and the more that I study and learn about neuroscience, psychology, human behavior, the more I'm realizing we can we create our reality.

Speaker 2:51

Yeah, we have so much more agency in our lives than we give ourselves credit for one thing, and we have more power.

Jana Shelfer 2:59

Yes, we are connected to source, and we have so much more power in manifesting and creating everything that we desire.

Speaker 3:11

Everything is a co-creation. This conversation, this podcast is a co-creation between us. I know, and between our audience.

Jana Shelfer 3:18

It's taken us a while to get in click. Yes, right?

Speaker 3:23

Well, just like our relationship.

Jana Shelfer 3:24

We literally, first of all, we were like, okay, what are we gonna wear today? And Jason's feeling very casual today, so he's like, I'm just gonna wear my hoodie. So then I tried wearing a hoodie, and I was like, Well, I I'm not feeling this.

Speaker 3:37

I'm not hoodie.

Jana Shelfer 3:38

Like, this is not I don't feel hoodie. I don't, I don't know.

Speaker 3:42

That's why it's boys in the hood, not girls in the hood.

Jana Shelfer 3:45

My hoodie looked a little more dingy than yours did. I don't know why.

Speaker 3:50

Um that's you, you gangsta girl.

Jana Shelfer 3:52

And then we were trying to decide on a topic, and it felt like we were struggling to come up with a topic. We couldn't get into it. Well, it's Friday.

Speaker 4:01

We didn't want to go too deep and get too. Well, that was it.

Jana Shelfer 4:04

Is we kept coming up with these deep topics, and we were wearing our hoodies, and I was like, this just doesn't feel right.

Speaker 4:12

Right.

Jana Shelfer 4:12

I was like a juxtaposition, and you're like, Yeah, let's go with it, let's go with it, and then we would start talking, and nothing would come out of your mouth. And I was like, I can't carry this all by myself.

Speaker 4:24

Yeah, strong shoulders, girl.

Jana Shelfer 4:26

Stop. So then I mean, it's taken us a while to synchronize, even create the conversation.

From Happening To Me To For Me

Jana Shelfer 4:36

It has, and that's how life is as well. It is, and when you when you have the thought that life is happening to me, you're literally telling the universe you're almost getting on the defensive, and you're almost getting into victim mode and saying, you know what, I like being a victim. Give me more situations where I can where I can shine as the victim.

Speaker 4:58

But it's almost like what you've done is you've taken yourself to the junkyard and you've kind of planted your feet in the junk and said, just keep piling junk on me. Like kind of like what you're saying, give me more things to challenge me with. Like I'm looking, I'm looking for these things because I'm expecting because I love being a victim.

Jana Shelfer 5:17

Yeah, I'm expecting it. I get so much attention being a victim.

Speaker 5:20

They give me excuses, it gives me reasons for people to feel sorry for me.

Jana Shelfer 5:24

It's where people see me myself, hear me, they give me attention.

Speaker 5:29

It's how I identify. The universe is gonna give you not what you want, but who you are. And if I'm identifying as a victim, okay, here you go, victim.

Jana Shelfer 5:39

So some people almost relish in it. Yeah. So when you start realizing life is not happening to you, life is happening for you. That's a very small distinction, but words matter.

Speaker 5:55

Like you said, just get to that next level.

Jana Shelfer 5:57

Life is happening for me. Life is happening

Embarrassment Turns Into Wisdom

Jana Shelfer 6:00

for me. And I'm like, okay. So I then always ask the question: what is this teaching me? How can I grow? What am I going to learn? What can I expand?

Speaker 6:14

What is the great part of this?

Jana Shelfer 6:16

Yeah, what what makes this awesome? What it what is makes this whole like there's so many questions that can put you in that higher vibration in that moment.

Speaker 6:26

Well, and it's funny because even like the worst things that happen to us are funny five, six years later.

Jana Shelfer 6:34

I don't know.

Speaker 6:35

Well, I think some of them some of the most I'm a paraplegic. No. Okay, but some of the most embarrassing things. Like a lot of things we hold on to and we we say, Oh, why did that happen to me? Okay. You know, like not catastrophic, but some of those things that we give a lot of weight to. Yes.

Jana Shelfer 6:55

Like um like I crap my pants.

Speaker 6:59

Crap my pants, whatever, embarrass myself. I farted in the elevator and it was loud. Oh gosh. Thought I was gonna be silent. The boss was in there, his wife, her or her husband.

Jana Shelfer 7:11

People are tuning out as we speak.

Speaker 7:14

It's it's those things where you're like, I cannot believe all this happened to me, and then five years later we're telling the story somewhere, and it's the funniest story ever.

Jana Shelfer 7:26

So how so let me just ask you, how was that happening for you? It's happening for you. It's because it helps you develop a sense of humor.

Speaker 7:34

It helps you develop a sense of humor.

Jana Shelfer 7:35

It says you know, lower your ego, helps you maybe not take life so seriously.

Speaker 7:42

If you can look at it in the moment, you can say, you know what? We're all human. That's one of the things. If we can all just get back to the point of realizing that we're all human, yeah, and we're all just trying to get through this together. I don't know.

Jana Shelfer 7:57

I feel like I feel like for you, you might you might get away with that. I think if I don't know, if a girl, if I did that, I think I might be more devastated.

Speaker 8:09

Until five years later, and you're with your girlfriends like now you wouldn't tell this story, like you wouldn't tell the farting on the elevator story or the crap in your pants story in front of your friends.

Jana Shelfer 8:22

See, I can't even say the word. I can't even say the word. Isn't that terrible? Like no, in front of a blind date once, and it was because I I dropped something and I bent over, and sometimes when I bend over, you know how like something like pushes and you could hear it, you could hear something came out. Yes, and I mean it was clear as day. And I mean we laughed about it. I was mortified. I literally was mortified.

Speaker 8:54

In fact, at first I was just I gotta change from sprint to ATT. Change my number.

unknown 9:00

Okay.

Jana Shelfer 9:02

I didn't know where you were going with that.

Speaker 9:03

I was like, ah, this number for 15 years of changing it tonight.

Every Challenge Is A Curriculum

Jana Shelfer 9:07

Okay, so this life is not happening to you, life is happening for you, and then when you really start realizing that life is happening for you and everything is a spiritual curriculum, it's just a lesson in the curriculum, and it's a challenge on the the video game to get through.

Speaker 9:29

The other thing is, is if it if it's happened to you, it's happened to hundreds of thousands of people.

Jana Shelfer 9:35

And I almost like to say every every challenge is really a gift because it does allow you to learn and to grow and to find something about yourself, maybe a deeper strength or a deeper perseverance, resilience, that sort of thing. So once you realize that life is happening for you, then the next level is life is happening through you.

Building Beliefs With Daily Practices

Jana Shelfer 10:03

And that is really when I believe you start Living Lucky®.

Speaker 10:08

Like that's when that's the fun phase.

Jana Shelfer 10:10

That's when the phase starts, life starts really getting fun, I believe.

Speaker 10:16

It's it's an exciting phase because then you start getting to really get proactive in the co-creation and saying, okay, well, what do I want to experience? How do I want to grow? Like what what are the things that I want out of life and how how am I gonna get there and who am I gonna be there with?

Jana Shelfer 10:35

And there's a lot of work that goes on it in between. I mean, there's a there's a lot of work with your thoughts, there's a lot of work with your feelings, there's a lot of work with your actions, there's a lot of work with your words, your physiology, there's a lot of work with your gratitude practicing, your meditation, with knowing if energy work, breathing.

Speaker 10:58

If you hold on to your beliefs, like are these my beliefs or am I wanting them to be my beliefs? You know, like because sometimes there were some beliefs in the very beginning where I was like, I want this to be my belief. Do I believe it? And that was that was hard for me to get through.

Jana Shelfer 11:15

We all have a bullshit meter inside our our souls that's like, yeah, I mean, I could sit here and go, I am awesome, I am great.

Speaker 11:23

It's like one of those things where it's like if I was putting it on a resume. I was like, this is what I would want my boss to read. Like, this is what I want my brain to read right now. Does my brain believe it?

Jana Shelfer 11:33

Yeah, like some of those affirmations, you know, like I am a multimillionaire, and then there's something inside you that's like bullshit.

Speaker 11:41

Right.

Jana Shelfer 11:43

Bullshit.

Speaker 11:44

But then you start creating it, and then you start are creating the pathway to it, and you're like, oh, okay, now I understand life is happening through me, and I and now we're actively creating. Yes. And so then the belief becomes reality.

Jana Shelfer 12:03

I am creating a multimillionaire.

Speaker 12:07

Because it is incredible when life is happening through you, you get to start creating a whole new universe for

Responsibility Means Response Ability

Speaker 12:18

yourself.

Jana Shelfer 12:18

Okay, so real quickly, Jason, let's just give a very tangible step when someone has the thought, why is this happening to me? What do you suggest?

Speaker 12:30

The biggest thing is you're not always responsible for your circumstances. So a lot of times people want to say, I'm not gonna take responsibility for it, but we do need to take responsibility for our circumstances.

Jana Shelfer 12:44

All right, well, let's talk about the word responsibility, because that is a a word, and when you start learning, it your circumstances are not your fault.

Speaker 12:54

That's the key.

Jana Shelfer 12:55

But your circumstances are your response ability. Response ability. So it's your ability to respond to them.

Speaker 13:07

Oh, raise yes, yes. I'm raising my hands.

Jana Shelfer 13:11

Did you just become shouting John over there?

Speaker 13:15

I'm running around the church right now because that's the key. Circumstances are gonna happen. Sometimes they're your fault. They you they don't have to always be your fault. So claiming responsibility for your circumstances does not does not inherently say they're your fault, but you always have to claim responsibility because you have the ability to respond. And it's how you respond that starts allowing you to create what happens next. Yes. And being the author of what creates what happens next is how you start creating life or having life happen through you. And that's the key. That's really if you can start working through that process, that is moving you through the layers of this or the levels

How Lucky Am I Plus Gratitude

Speaker 14:09

of this hierarchy.

Jana Shelfer 14:11

And I'm just gonna throw in uh, you know, I always come back to the question, how lucky am I? It's my signature question. It's what started this business, it has what uh seeded the life that I have lived. How lucky am I? And it happened when at a time when I was really having the thought, why is this happening to me? Why is this happening to me? And I had a gift from someone that just said, You have no idea how lucky you are. Right. And just that shift in asking better questions. Asking better questions will lead you to a better life, it will lead you to a better answer, and it will get you out of the hole of identifying as the victim, and it will get you into the creator role.

Speaker 15:00

Yeah, it gives you into a success cycle instead of a doom loop. So think about the question of why is this always happening to me and buries you.

Jana Shelfer 15:08

Yeah, because when you're when you're in the victim role, you feel powerless. However, when you move into the creator role, you feel empowered. Empowered.

Speaker 15:21

Yeah, you that's the difference. You're creating things, and the thing about how lucky am I, that brings you resources. That question solicits a response of what are the things around me that make me lucky, that give me resources, so because you can't build from nothing, and that so that's why I love gratitude practices. That's that's kind of the how lucky am I wrapped in a bow. Brings all these things to you to build from.

Journaling Tools And Goodbye

Jana Shelfer 15:52

We'll put the links below in the comments of where you can purchase my journals because I I feel like those are. That's great tools.

Speaker 15:59

I don't even like to call them journals because they're tools, but they they are journaling tools.

Jana Shelfer 16:05

Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Keep Living Lucky®. Bye bye.