Jana, What Is Ho'Oponopono?

When a relationship hits a wall, complex speeches and long-winded debates rarely resolve the tension—they usually just feed the ego.

Most high-performers and couples get trapped in a dangerous emotional standoff. When conflict, bruised feelings, or cold distance enter the room, the default reflex is to plant your feet in "rightness." You debate the timeline, audit the details, and defend your perspective, entirely blind to the reality that you are sacrificing the connection just to win an argument. But trying to prove you are right while your relationship fractures is a complete strategic failure. You end up carrying silent resentment, closing off dialogue, and building walls between yourself, your team, and your partner.

In this transformative episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jana and Jason unlock an ancient Hawaiian relationship repair practice called Ho’oponopono. Built around four remarkably simple sentences—"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you"—they demonstrate how this emotional first-aid process immediately calms the nervous system, softens the ego, and restores safety. From applying it face-to-face with struggling couples to practicing it in the mirror for self-forgiveness (and explaining why a giant plush banana landed in the studio), they map out how simple language reopens high-vibrational connection.

Inside:

• The Disconnect Olive Branch: How saying "I'm sorry" acts as an immediate door-opener that values relational connection over winning an argument.
• Taming the "Rightness" Reflex: Using "Please forgive me" as an act of personal accountability to tell your ego to stand down so curiosity can lead.
• Gratitude as Relationship Fertilizer: Why incorporating "Thank you" into conflict resolution accelerates mutual appreciation and expands what you want to keep.
• The Client-Love Sales Paradigm: How Jason transformed his 20-year sales trajectory by shifting from transactional closing tactics to genuinely loving his clients.
• The Seed in the Dark: Jana’s masterclass breakdown on balancing internal creative darkness with love, light, and laughter to cultivate new breakthroughs.

Stop letting your ego hold your primary relationships hostage. If you are ready to drop the defensive armor, clear bad blood, and master the four sentences that rebuild trust in real time, hit play now.

Listen to the audio, watch the video broadcast, subscribe, and name the one sentence you need to say today.

NUGGETS

• Everything in life is relational. Conflict is simply a signal that a connection was missed; your job isn't to prove innocence, but to bridge the gap.
• "I'm sorry" opens the door; "Please forgive me" lowers the armor. Leading with humility signals that the relationship matters more than your personal ego.
• Gratitude fertilizes what you want to grow. Thanking someone during a hard conversation—even for standing their ground—changes the emotional climate from defense to collaboration.
• Love is an active operational frequency, not a passive mood. When you choose to show up with love for your partner, your team, or your clients, you fundamentally alter their response to you.
• Self-forgiveness clears hidden internal resentment. Repeating the four sentences in front of a mirror dissolves the unspoken judgments you hold against your past mistakes.
• hooponopono relationship repair technique
• four sentences to resolve conflict
• how to clear bad blood with partner
• conflict resolution tools for couples
• shifting from selling to loving clients
• practicing self forgiveness in the mirror
• how to use hooponopono for relationship healing
• why saying im sorry opens communication doors
• overcoming the need to be right in marriage
• how gratitude acts as fertilizer for relationships
• using simple language to calm relationship conflict
• how to mend estranged family relationships with love

Questions:

What is Ho'oponopono and how is it used in modern relationship coaching? Ho'oponopono is a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness based on four foundational sentences: "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," and "I love you." In modern relationship coaching, it is utilized as an immediate conflict-resolution framework. By stripping away complex arguments, the process lowers egoic defense mechanisms, restores emotional safety, and allows partners to take accountability without triggering self-attack.

How does saying "I'm sorry" lower defensiveness during a heated argument? Saying "I'm sorry" lowers defensiveness by shifting the interaction from a power struggle to a relational connection. Rather than serving as an admission of legal guilt or fault, the phrase acts as a compassionate acknowledgment that a disconnect occurred. It signals to the other person that their pain is recognized and that preserving the relationship is prioritized over winning the debate.

How does shifting from "selling" to "loving clients" impact professional performance? Shifting from "selling" to "loving" clients alters an individual's operational frequency from transaction-oriented persuasion to service-oriented care. When a professional focuses on delivering genuine value, solving problems, and caring for the client's outcome, mutual trust increases dramatically. This eliminates sales resistance, elevates client retention, and transforms business interactions into long-term strategic partnerships.

• The Bad Blood Eraser: Introducing Ho'oponopono to clear relationship static Jana and Jason launch the studio recording with a look at the four Hawaiian sentences that mend broken bonds. Discover why simple emotional language bypasses defensive arguments faster than complex speeches.
• Sentence 1: "I'm Sorry" (Opening the door when connection drops) Unpacking the true purpose of an olive branch. Learn why saying "I'm sorry" isn't a courtroom confession of guilt, but a high-leverage signal that you value the relationship over being right.
• Sentence 2: "Please Forgive Me" (Telling your ego to stand down) Jason admits to his natural reflex of planting his feet to prove he's right. Discover how asking for forgiveness cleanses the heart and creates space to understand your partner's truth.
• Sentence 3: "Thank You" (Using gratitude as relationship fertilizer) Jana breaks down how appreciation transforms hard conversations. Learn why thanking your partner for their perspective or for standing up for themselves shifts the atmosphere from combat to growth.
• Sentence 4: "I Love You" (Operating at the highest vibrational frequency) Jason tracks what it actually means to "show up alive" every morning. Discover why choosing love as an active operational frequency fundamentally alters how the world responds to you.
• The Sales Transformation: Shifting from closing deals to loving clients Jason reveals how his 20-year sales career completely shifted when he stopped trying to hit quotas and started genuinely loving his clients. Learn how caring for outcomes drives real-world revenue.
• Seeds in the Dark: Balancing creative depth with emotional light Jana explores her relationship with internal darkness and creativity. Learn how pairing dark, reflective ideas with love, light, and laughter creates a blooming garden of new breakthroughs.
• The Couple's Mirror Exercise: Face-to-face reconciliation in real time How Jason and Jana use Ho'oponopono during coaching sessions. Discover how sitting face-to-face and repeating the four lines breaks resistance and heals hidden self-resentment.

Go deeper with the related blog at LivingLucky.com: ttps://www.startlivinglucky.com/blog/four-sentences-to-repair-a-relationship 

hooponopono framework, conflict resolution tools, relationship repair, ego softening, client love paradigm, self forgiveness exercises, emotional first aid, t

Transcript

Four Lines To Clear The Air

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Have you ever needed to reconnect, maybe mend a relationship, or just clear the air? Today, we're gonna give you four sentences that will get rid of all of the bad blood. I'm Jenna. I'm Jason. And we are living lucky. You are too. Have you ever heard of the hoa ponopono prayer?

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Oh, I love it. Did I say that? Hoa hoaponopono. Hoaponapono.

Jana Shelfer 0:44

Ho Pono. If it sounds like you're saying Marco.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Hoapono. Hoa Ponapono.

Jana Shelfer 0:51

Hoaponapono.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Is that it?

Jana Shelfer 0:54

It's a Hawaiian technique. And I learned this many, many years ago. Now I'm not claiming to be a hoa ponopono expert. However, I'm going to tell you how this can change your life.

Jason Shelfer 1:09

And how we use it.

Jana Shelfer 1:11

We find that we not only use this with ourselves, but we often work with couples and relationships. We often work in communication techniques. This is one of the go-to foundational techniques that can fix any relationship.

Jason Shelfer 1:30

And try it on yourself. Like try it in the mirror. You'd be shocked at just what it will do for your own sanity and how you relate to yourself. And when you see what it does for how you relate to yourself, you will understand how powerful it will be between you and someone else.

Jana Shelfer 1:48

It's magic. It is magical. Okay, it goes like this there's four sentences, and they're usually in

Why Saying Sorry Opens Doors

Jana Shelfer 1:55

this particular order. The first one is I'm sorry. Simple. I'm sorry is squashing the ego. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's also letting the other person know my intention is not to hurt you. It almost opens up the line of communication. It's the olive branch. I am so sorry.

Jason Shelfer 2:17

And I think everything in life is relational. And if we're trying to relate, everything that creates that conflict is saying, where are we not connecting? So this I'm sorry is just saying I realize there's a disconnect. It's not saying I don't I don't believe that that this I'm sorry is saying that I've done something wrong per se. It's saying I understand there's a disconnect. I'm sorry. And let's let's figure out what this is. It's opening a door, is all it is, is to me what it means.

Jana Shelfer 2:55

It's opening this door of communication.

Jason Shelfer 2:59

I want something, I want the relational aspect of here because everything in life is related. I want this relational aspect. I'm sorry we missed that connection.

Jana Shelfer 3:08

I mean, it could it could actually be, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I'm sorry we're in this situation. I'm sorry that we're going through this.

Jason Shelfer 3:16

It's just an it's an it's a door. It's it opens the the crack to what might be possible.

Please Forgive Me And The Ego

Jana Shelfer 3:23

Now, step number two please forgive me. This one is a little bit more ownership accountability. Well, we all forgive me. We all play a role. And more often than not, it takes two to tango. How many times have we heard that?

Jason Shelfer 3:43

Right.

Jana Shelfer 3:44

All relationships.

Jason Shelfer 3:45

I will I will take owner like I know for me, oftentimes I'm when I when there's a disagreement, it's me planting my feet and wanting to be right. And it's and when I want to be right, and I can want to be right all the time. Yes. And and I am right. That's the thing.

Jana Shelfer 4:06

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 4:07

I am right from my perspective and from my current level of understanding things. Like that's and that's my truth in the moment until I can understand where you're right also.

Jana Shelfer 4:20

Please forgive me. That just comes it and it almost cleanses your heart. It's like saying, you know what? I understand I am not perfect. I am an imperfect human. I got caught up in whatever. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Jason Shelfer 4:41

And it's another path of saying, hey, ego, uh allow me to have this relationship with the person I'm in front of. And even if you're just in front of the mirror, it says, Hey, ego, let's you're okay. You don't need to rear up right now. You don't need to get aggressive. Let me have this relationship with myself or with the person in front of me. And let me open this door to understand where they're coming

Thank You As Relationship Fertilizer

Jason Shelfer 5:08

from.

Jana Shelfer 5:08

Now, the next part of this process, it it almost builds a bridge as you go through this process. The next part of the process is saying thank you. Thank you. I am grateful for you. And maybe we don't see things eye to eye, but I am grateful. I am thank you for giving me a new perspective. Thank you for standing up for yourself. Thank you for teaching me this lesson that I needed to learn. Thank you.

Jason Shelfer 5:38

Thank you for all parts of you.

Jana Shelfer 5:40

Thank you for how lucky am I participating in my journey. Thank you.

Jason Shelfer 5:45

How lucky am I? All the everything is available to me, and you're part of that everything.

Jana Shelfer 5:49

Gratitude is it's just a fertilizer.

Jason Shelfer 5:54

Yes.

Jana Shelfer 5:54

It is a fertilizer that allows you to grow healthy, healthy relationships.

Jason Shelfer 6:00

And what you when you appreciate something, it gives you the opportunity to get what that something has. Not as a taking, but to gain from it.

Jana Shelfer 6:11

And then the fourth sentence, which I believe all four of these sentences are just foundational

I Love You And Higher Vibration

Jana Shelfer 6:18

to any relationship. But if especially when something has been, I don't want to say broken, but when something has been damaged, if the relationship has been beat up a little bit, bruised. If there's just bad feelings there, this is the path to rebuild and reconnect. And that last sentence is I love you. I love you.

Jason Shelfer 6:46

That's powerful.

Jana Shelfer 6:48

I love you.

Jason Shelfer 6:49

This to me, love is like the highest vibrational feeling. It is. When I wake up in the morning and I I know hopefully people don't get tired of hearing me say it, but when I wake up feeling like the luckiest man on the planet, yes, that's a feeling where I love being alive. Yes.

Jana Shelfer 7:08

Yes, and you're so good at it. So you are so good at being alive.

Jason Shelfer 7:12

When I love being alive, I get to show up like I love being alive.

Jana Shelfer 7:17

And when I I know that sounds so silly, and I know that people just hearing that for the first time are probably like, what is he even talking about? What planet is he on? Everyone is allowed to show up alive. We're all alive, Jason. We're all alive.

Jason Shelfer 7:32

This is the thing. There was a time in my life where I was like, I was glad I was alive.

Jana Shelfer 7:37

No, but we got up and we were like show up like it's time to go to work.

Jason Shelfer 7:40

Like I was in love with life.

Jana Shelfer 7:43

No, we showed up like it's time to make the D mess.

Jason Shelfer 7:46

Like, I've got to go to work. You know? Like I didn't wake up going, I love life.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yeah, I know.

Jason Shelfer 7:53

I love you.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Like I was right there beside you. I was right there beside you.

Jason Shelfer 7:58

Now, I I'm not at the place yet where I can be like, I love the people driving next to me on the road. I'm getting there.

Jana Shelfer 8:06

But you are a work in progress. Right. You know?

Jason Shelfer 8:10

So But I'm it's it's one of those things where when the more we live into this into the loving of, yes, the bet really the better things get.

Jana Shelfer 8:23

I love you. Love is the highest vibration. In fact, I think one of our next podcasts, we should do a the topic of Abraham Hicks and her emotional ladder. Yeah. Because love is one of the highest, if not the highest, emotion that you can connect with. It's a frequency, there's a vibe up here. And

Loving Clients Changed Everything

Jana Shelfer 8:47

when people are living in love, when they have love in their heart, you can feel it. That's almost a magnetism that draws us to them.

Jason Shelfer 8:55

You know, for the 20 plus years that I was in sales, the moment I changed to loving my clients, my my sales career changed completely.

Jana Shelfer 9:08

It affects your bank account. It affects it affects uh the way people react to you, the respect level, everything. When you show up with love in your heart.

Jason Shelfer 9:19

It didn't make sense to me that that I didn't understand that door until I walked through it. Because it was when when I wasn't quite making the number of sales, I was I might be hitting quota. Yes. But it wasn't until I truly started just loving my customers, loving my clients, and saying, How do I not sell to them, but how do I love them and make sure they have the right solutions? Uh-huh. Then the whole world changed and they started calling me.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

I'm having an awful right now.

Jason Shelfer 9:55

It was absolutely crazy because I didn't sell another thing.

Jana Shelfer 9:59

Because the I provided services and solutions. That's how I feel about any single person that watches, listens, who likes, subscribes, who gives us a thumbs up, who leaves a comment on our podcast. The people who take time to give to us, I love yo. And I want to not only make your life entertaining while we have these conversations, but hopefully they are conversations that make you see something a little different. It's a possibility, make you more aware, make you start thinking, and

Darkness Light And Creative Balance

Jana Shelfer 10:38

also just give you a little spice of our energy. People say, Oh my god, I would pay you just to be around your energy. I I'm I feel so lucky to be married to Jason because he does wake up feeling alive. And sometimes I need that because if I allow myself, there is a darkness, which I I have explored this darkness very, very thoroughly, and I actually greatly appreciate my darkness. However, my darkness is better when it is balanced by light. It's that yin yin and yang. Yes, right? And I darkness is where I find my creativity, my ideas, my passion. That's where I find those things.

Jason Shelfer 11:25

And then they it's like a seed.

Jana Shelfer 11:27

But they really they really flourish and grow into something so beautiful when I can pair them with love, light, laughter. And I know that sounds so meme-like. Oh, pair it with love, light, and laughter. Well, it's but that's the secret.

Jason Shelfer 11:43

So to me, it makes perfect sense because to like and when we bought our farm in Kansas, it like to me, all this, and I grew up with my grandfather, like not so I grew up with my family. Yes. But I spent weekends with my grandfather, and we had his little hit this big garden that he had.

Jana Shelfer 12:00

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 12:01

And so when we planted the seeds in the darkness, like that's your creativity. And then the seed comes out into it fights and comes out into the light, and then it flourishes and blooms and grows, and then you get your stuff to harvest from. So I get that vibration. I get that whole thing from the process. Yeah. So that's beautiful to me. I hope that when people are watching this, they get that one door. Like when I found the love door for my clients, you know, find the awareness.

Jana Shelfer 12:34

When I just had the aha moment of finding the love door for all of our listeners.

Jason Shelfer 12:40

Find the I mean it feels like family of catching the thought, saying, Oh my gosh, you know, I can choose a different thought here. I can choose these four simple sentences to

Using The Prayer With Anyone

Jason Shelfer 12:50

mend a relationship either with myself, the one I have internally.

Jana Shelfer 12:54

You can use this to for family with my neighbors, estranged family member, neighbor. Colleagues, yeah. Your soul, yourself, your past self, your future self, the person you sleep with, this can be used for any relationship that you have. It's called the Hoopono Pono Prayer. It's a Hawaiian prayer. We didn't make this up, we adopted it, and it has been life-changing for us. We also find that when we work with couples specifically, whenever they have a disagreement with their communication, we have them sit facing each other and we have them go through this process. And it literally starts, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And and those last two, I think they're interchangeable. Like again, I'm not the expert here. I just know that those are the four sentences. And they work, and it works every time. And if you're not getting there, if one person is being a little resistant, keep saying it over and over. Those four sentences, keep saying those sentences over and over to yourself. I've had moments with myself where I didn't even know I was holding resentment against myself.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 14:15

And I sat in a meditation and I just kept repeating, I'm sorry, Jana, please forgive me. Because we skits. Thank you. I love you. I love you. Thank you.

Jason Shelfer 14:26

We get stuck in where where am I planting my rightness in myself? Yes. Like where am what am I holding? And that's what what what pole

Giant Banana Closing Laughs

Jason Shelfer 14:35

am I holding on to?

Jana Shelfer 14:36

A banana. Don't ask me why there's a banana on set today, but there is.

Jason Shelfer 14:43

I just thought it would be fun to have. I love breaking.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

I seriously am going to use this as my punching bag.

Jason Shelfer 14:50

See what I have to do.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Who needs a giant banana?

Jason Shelfer 14:55

Everyone needs a giant banana. It's a smile. It's perspective. I'm sorry.

Jana Shelfer 15:01

Please believe me. Ah no, thank you. I love you. Thanks for joining us. Bye bye.