Therapy Speak

Therapy Speak vs. Emotional Truth

Are your relationships suffering from a "vocabulary overload" but an "emotional disconnect"? In this revealing episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jason and Jana Banana dive into the fascinating rise of therapy speak and wellness language in modern dating and reality TV.

When 24-year-olds are suddenly experts at "protecting their peace" and "holding space," is it a sign of a rising collective consciousness or just a clever new way to hide? We explore the difference between intellectualizing your growth and truly embodying your personal development.

In This Episode:

• Identify "Language Masks": Recognize when enlightened vocabulary is being used to bypass messy, necessary feelings.
• Break the "High Achiever Trap": Understand why over-intellectualizing feedback can lead to a "midlife meltdown" or sudden burnout.
• Leverage Small Failures: Why a controlled "crash and burn" is often the best teacher for building grit, resilience, and tenacity.
• Align Words with Action: Discover the Living Lucky® secret to making your internal "software" match your outward "hardware."

Living Lucky® Nuggets:

• The Beach Ball Effect: Suppressing emotions with big words is like holding a ball underwater—eventually, it pops back up and "busts you in the chin."
• Direct from the Source: TikTok and AI-generated scripts are raising the "emotional floor," but self-help only works when it moves from the head to the heart.
• Storms Build Grit: True emotional intelligence is tested when you are 50,000 miles "out of warranty." Real positive thinking is a practice, not just a script.
• The Power of Alignment: When what you say, what you do, and how you feel finally match, the "vortex" opens and you start Living Lucky®.

Don't just sound evolved—be evolved. Hit play to upgrade your mindset and start living in alignment!

#Relationships #PersonalDevelopment #Mindset #LivingLucky #TherapySpeak #SelfHelp #EmotionalIntelligence #Resilience #Grit #GrowthMindset

Self-help, Personal development, Mindset, Positive thinking. Emotional intelligence in relationships, Therapy speak in dating, Reality TV psycholog

Transcript

Opening Living Lucky Mindset

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:14

Good morning.

Speaker 1 0:15

I'm Jana. I'm Jason.

Guilty Pleasure Reality Dating TV

Jana Shelfer 0:16

And we are Living Lucky®. You are too. Okay. Guilty pleasure. I'm going to make a confession right now. Please don't judge me.

Jason Shelfer 0:25

Judge away.

Jana Shelfer 0:26

When I have some downtime, I love, love, love to just watch mindless television. You know this about me if you've been listening to our podcast. I just love it. And I give myself that little space. I do. I give myself that space. And I try to be disciplined in every area of my life, but I do give myself space to do that. And since we are building this relationship course, I decided yesterday to use my TV time to watch reality dating shows.

Jason Shelfer 1:02

I think one of the things is people like people watching. I love people watching. When we go to the airport, when you go to the train station, it's kind of fun to just sit back and be an observer.

Jana Shelfer 1:11

But you know what I really like is that when I can clean up my own life and then almost watch movies and watch the train wreck. Television, see the drama play out in other people's lives. I know that sounds terrible, but then I don't have to experience it. I can experience it vicariously through other people. And then after the two hours, I'm I'm done.

Jason Shelfer 1:35

Right.

Jana Shelfer 1:36

I wash my hands, go back to my calm, peaceful zen.

Jason Shelfer 1:40

Wash the energy off. Yeah.

Therapy Speak On Reality Shows

Jana Shelfer 1:41

Yes, right. However, I have noticed that these 24-year-olds who are on these dating shows, specifically Temptation Island, which is what I watched yesterday. I hate to even admit that, but I did. They are using very enlightened language. Yes. And in fact, I know that the producers in Hollywood are around a lot of psychologists, life coaching, Hollywood has to be able to do that. They understand the how this whole life works because it is the magic of storytelling at its at its core, really. So they have to they have to study character development. They have to study the hero's journey, and they have to realize that at the end, the the transformation that people love to see is when the we watch a character go through the trials and tribulations and then come out in the end as a better version of themselves.

Jason Shelfer 2:52

Or get completely destroyed. It's one of the two.

Jana Shelfer 2:55

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 2:55

I mean like we either need to see the complete train wreck, or we need to see the hero come out victorious at the end.

Jana Shelfer 3:02

And even the complete train wreck, we like to see the year later or the two years later where they've actually become a better version of it. Become a better and they have to be able to do that.

Jason Shelfer 3:12

Like, how do I get myself through this? Because we all have a version of this self or of this storyline happening within ourselves.

Jana Shelfer 3:21

So what I have noticed though is that these 24-year-olds are using, they're dating. So they're in these serious relationships, sometimes for the first time in their lives, and they're using very, I mean, I'm talking therapy speak.

Jason Shelfer 3:37

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 3:39

They are using words that I don't even know if they know what they're talking about when they say, well, I haven't done the work yet.

Jason Shelfer 3:47

I have to hold my space and and protect my peace.

Jana Shelfer 3:50

You know, I need a capac, I am above my capacity right now. And I need a container of love and security.

Jason Shelfer 3:59

I'm I'm I'm at I have plenty of capability, but my capacity level is at its max right now.

Jana Shelfer 4:05

And and then they say, you know, you can only go as deep as you've gone yourself. And you need to meet me where I'm at. They use sentences and like language like this.

Jason Shelfer 4:17

It's wellness speech.

Jana Shelfer 4:19

Which I am just in awe and amazed because Jason and I literally have spent 15 years studying hundreds of books and hundreds of thousands of dollars in education to learn all of this. And now these 20-year-olds are just speaking this way. That's just the script.

Jason Shelfer 4:40

They would have had to start when they were five.

Jana Shelfer 4:42

That is the script that they naturally use. And so after this whole phenomenon yesterday that we discovered, I told Jason, I go, there's something there. And I not only see it in reality TV, I also see it when we go to Toastmasters and we hear people getting up and giving these speeches. And I think, wow, you know, they're they're stepping into this motivational inspiration zone, and they haven't had any life experience.

Jason Shelfer 5:16

Well, we see it in all, we speak in so many different venues. We and we hear it in the crowds, we hear it in in different areas of our life all over. And you point it out to me.

Jana Shelfer 5:27

Like I just I've been pointing this out to Jason as we have watched different things, or as we've gone places, I'm like, wow, I'm just really impressed. And Jason keeps saying, Oh, you know what? It's because you're looking for the best in people.

Jason Shelfer 5:40

Right.

TikTok And AI Shape Language

Jana Shelfer 5:41

You're just looking for the best in people. You see what they are reflecting what you see in yourself. I'm like, okay, maybe, maybe that's it. Maybe that's it.

Jason Shelfer 5:51

And we we've dug a little deeper. And what it is, it's it's the TikTok, the Instagram, and and all these little micro bytes of this new language that is out there everywhere, and people are learning it.

Jana Shelfer 6:04

But they don't know what it really entails.

Jason Shelfer 6:08

Yes. So it's it's really they're just learning this language, and it's not, they're not no, they don't know all the things behind it and the embodiment of it.

Jana Shelfer 6:17

However, maybe that's okay. Maybe that's just the first step of a collective consciousness that is actually rising together.

Jason Shelfer 6:28

It is, but I will say, and I hate to put a butt there, yeah. So I will say yes, Anne.

When Words Hide Real Feelings

Jana Shelfer 6:33

I I put a butt in the last sense.

Jason Shelfer 6:35

Right. So I will say yes, Anne. So learning the language is critical. However, if you're not going to what's going to happen is just like we talk about this beach ball, if we don't start identifying these feelings, and if we don't, if we use the language to kind of hide behind the feeling, so if we use these big words and these these intellectual words to still kind of put that facade up in front of the feeling, the feeling just gets down there and still is not heard, doesn't, doesn't feel understood, doesn't feel you have to isn't allowed to express itself to the soul. Then it it manifests itself. It turns itself into the own its own cancer of the soul, and it's gonna come up and bust you in the chin at some point.

Jana Shelfer 7:26

So this is around age 40. Yeah, so just this will be just say it, throwing that out there.

Jason Shelfer 7:32

This will be the high achievers downfall when like the the straw on the camel breaks its back, you know, like it's where it's like I've pushed, I've I've been the I've been my best self, and then this one more slap in the face comes, or this one more quote unquote failure, and I can't take another piece of feedback.

Jana Shelfer 7:55

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 7:56

Because I I just I I don't believe it's feedback anymore. It has to be failure. So it'll be like because they don't, they are intellectualizing it and not embodying it.

Crash And Burn Builds Resilience

Jana Shelfer 8:10

And that is a distinction. That is a distinction. I uh sometimes I feel like the best thing that you can do for people is almost let them crash and burn a little, a little, you know, like you don't want them to jump on a cliff or or or jump into a fire, like to teach the kids something's hot. Yeah, but let them touch it. I do feel sometimes we need to do a little crashing and burning along the way so that we gain those skills and the grit to even know what we want and know where we want to pick up the pieces. You get resilience, tenacity, perseverance, all of those things that come with it, right?

Jason Shelfer 8:57

Well, and this is gonna be just a different type of spiritual curriculum for the next generation.

Jana Shelfer 9:03

And so I've been playing that out in my head, and kind of like you said, this may be the high achievers ultimate.

Jason Shelfer 9:11

So, what it might do is just move that goal line or move, move where the timeline will be, and it might push, it could create this new level of achievement, new level of what the what people are able to do quickly. Yes, but create a bigger meltdown period for people.

Jana Shelfer 9:33

Yeah, I don't know if it will or not. Hopefully, it will just continue to raise the consciousness and the collective and hopefully it'll make emotional intelligence curve of everyone.

Jason Shelfer 9:42

And then they get into that break, that midlife crisis area. Because they do already have a language.

Jana Shelfer 9:50

I mean, people are so quick to let go of heartbreak and pain. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they don't they don't treasure it or or maybe it doesn't dismissing the feeling is what it is. Yeah, it doesn't hold value in their hearts. Like literally, the these relationships that they were in for five years, they would cheat on each other, and then they were kind of like, all right, well, you know what, you go do you, you be your best self.

Jason Shelfer 10:24

I've got it. I I'm it's time for me to live my life and and create the space for me.

Jana Shelfer 10:29

And I need to grow my butterfly wings. Yes, I can no longer be with a caterpillar.

Jason Shelfer 10:34

There's some there's there's truth in all the words that they're saying.

Jana Shelfer 10:38

And I also think AI has had a toxic relationship in all of this. Yeah, they're I mean they're using all of the right words.

Jason Shelfer 10:45

Toxicity of this and toxicity of that, and I need a healthy relationship.

Jana Shelfer 10:51

They I feel like they again, you said it's from TikTok, Instagram, it's from Reels, watching little snippets. However, those little snippets are now being done by AI, and whoever's putting on the little snippets, the creators, are using the words of AI, which are very enlightened words, and now that has become, that has trickled down and become the vernacular of society, the norm.

Jason Shelfer 11:22

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 11:22

Which is a step in the right direction. It is it really is.

Jason Shelfer 11:26

I mean, who doesn't want a more enlightened society? That's true, or at least a more more intelligent sounding society, yes, you know, because and the truth is words matter. So if the words start changing and our souls actually, our souls deep down understand the words.

Jana Shelfer 11:44

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 11:44

So that's a that's true. So when and when we hear things differently and we have these different experiences through life, so when we're going through our own spiritual curriculum, yes, things are gonna start hitting different. However, we talked about this last night um while we were sitting there having the discussion. As we go through the different storms in life, we're going to understand maybe what those words mean in a different capacity, different level.

Jana Shelfer 12:15

At a different, at a deeper level.

Jason Shelfer 12:17

Yeah. So it's it's when you're with when your engine breaks down and you're under warranty. So I'm on a car metaphor right now.

Speaker 1 12:24

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 12:24

When your engine breaks down and you're under warranty, when you're in your 20s, that's one thing. You can take it to the dealership and get it fixed. When your engine breaks down and you're 50,000 miles out of warranty, that's a whole different ballgame.

Jana Shelfer 12:36

It is a whole different ballgame. I mean, that's that's when you really find the level that you're made of.

Storms, Grit, And Growing Up Fast

Jason Shelfer 12:41

Right. So that that's where the grit, the tenacity, the the extra resources come in.

Jana Shelfer 12:48

But maybe because everyone is raising the floor or raising the the ceiling is becoming the new floor, maybe those depths won't be quite as low.

Jason Shelfer 13:02

Well, that's that's the hope, right?

Jana Shelfer 13:05

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 13:05

And that's what I I think I would I would really hope that for the next generation. And I hope that the soul grabs onto those words and that language and the understanding of that, and it hits quicker and more effectively in the next storm for each person going forward. I mean, we have to deal with, we didn't have COVID when we were kids. We had COVID when we had already been through several storms. They weren't massive storms, but we didn't have to, we didn't grow up in COVID. We were grown. So there's we we don't have they have to kind of figure that out. So they had a space and time where they're having to figure out all these things, and all they had was TikTok and Instagram and all this new language.

Jana Shelfer 13:51

True. It there's just you know, it in my head, it feels when I hear them, I almost feel obsolete. I almost feel like, wow, what we have done in the last 15 years, we have been figuring this out. We have really put ourselves in the laboratory of it, where we have done the research, the studying, the investing in ourselves. We have done the work. I know we have done the work.

Jason Shelfer 14:25

And I think what these 25, 30-year-olds, 40-year-olds are looking at is when they see us, they see that we have figured it out. And they know intellectually and emotionally, they're trying to figure out what is that still one missing piece? Why, why is it, why doesn't why does the puzzle piece not quite fit? Like I'm saying the right things, I'm I feel like I'm doing the right things, but there is still that emotional disconnect, and it's because they are they're still kind of blocking the feeling with these big intellectual words and these big um therapy words.

Jana Shelfer 15:06

Correct.

Jason Shelfer 15:06

You know, so I think it's therapy speak.

Jana Shelfer 15:09

That's what it is. It's it's like a big frosting that we've put over this cake.

Jason Shelfer 15:14

I think when they look at the the Living Lucky® and the Jana and Jason, they see the actions and the words are all matching and alignment.

Jana Shelfer 15:23

Because when it's all in alignment, that is when you start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 15:28

Right.

Jana Shelfer 15:28

And that is when there's their source comes in, God comes in and is like, okay, it is all you've got the vortex happening.

Jason Shelfer 15:38

Because I think when we look at at and I'll just speak to the reality television show because it actually shows them tossing and turning when they go lay down at night crying in their pillow. So they can use all these therapy words, therapy speech.

Jana Shelfer 15:51

And no, though.

Jason Shelfer 15:52

And then they're like, I couldn't sleep, you know, blah, blah, blah. And we like our our lives are in alignment, and they're struggling on the back end emotionally. I think I think it's just the hiding mode.

Jana Shelfer 16:08

Maybe it's the editing, and maybe it's the editing idea.

Jason Shelfer 16:14

Yeah. Well, I don't think we edit our lives. I mean, we don't even edit our podcast.

Speaker 1 16:21

You get the raw us.

Jason Shelfer 16:23

You get it all.

Speaker 1 16:24

Oh, thanks for joining us. Keep Living Lucky®. Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.