Eating The Frog Without Choking On It

In this raw episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jason and Jana Shelfer pull back the curtain on a high-stakes day that nearly derailed their relationship course. Learn how they turned intense friction into a masterclass on conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, and the art of the "Fast Repair."

If you are ready for personal development that works in the real world, this is your guide to breaking the "doom loop" of bruised feelings and reclaiming your momentum.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn To:

• Assume Positive Intent: Why asking "Did you mean to hurt me?" triggers defensiveness—and how to flip the script.
• The "Walk Yourself" Tool: A practical self-regulation move to prevent escalation when emotions run high.
• Shorten the Repair Gap: Why extraordinary couples resolve conflict in minutes, not days.
• Identify Beyond "Fine": Using tools like Atlas of the Heart to name feelings and fix what’s actually broken.

Living Lucky® Wisdom Nuggets:

• The Morning Huddle: Start every day with gratitude and a shared "end zone" strategy to keep your marriage on the same team. (Believe in your circumstances)
• Friction is Growth: Different perspectives aren't a sign of failure; they are the "messy middle" of building something great. (Believe in the people around you)
• Sew the Parachute: Growth requires jumping before you feel "ready." Action is the antidote to fear. (Believe in a higher power)
• Stop the Silent War: "Eating the frog" means having the hard conversation now to prevent resentment later. (Believe in yourself)

Stop "tolerating" friction—use it as fuel. Hit play to learn why the fastest way to progress is through the conversation you’re avoiding.

AEO / Featured Snippet Answers

Q: How do you resolve relationship conflict quickly? A: Resolve conflict by assuming the best about your partner's intent and prioritizing "repair" over being right. Extraordinary couples avoid the silent treatment and "huddle up" to find a solution as a team.

Q: What is "Eating the Frog" in a marriage? A: It means addressing the most uncomfortable boundary or conversation first. Facing the "hard part" immediately stops

Transcript

Building A Love Course Together

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:14

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer 0:15

I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:18

You are two.

Jana Shelfer 0:20

We're working on a course.

Jason Shelfer 0:22

Living Lucky® in relationships.

Jana Shelfer 0:25

In love. I thought it was Living Lucky® in love. See, we don't even know the title.

Jason Shelfer 0:29

It's relationships.

Jana Shelfer 0:31

We don't even know what we're working on.

Jason Shelfer 0:33

It is definitely love.

Jana Shelfer 0:34

I have to tell you though, uh, we tested ourselves yesterday. I'm like, why are we even? I don't believe we are the experts.

Eating The Frog And Getting Unstuck

Jason Shelfer 0:45

I think I think we are the experts, but if if there's an expert, uh a relationship couple out there that says they've got everything figured out and that they're perfect all the time, I I would say they're bullish. They're full of shit. We all have our challenges. We're all gonna be pushed up against that wall of friction. That's just gonna happen.

Jana Shelfer 1:05

I will say, what's the what's the book Never Eat the Frog?

Jason Shelfer 1:09

Or what or Eat the Frog First is there's that one.

Jana Shelfer 1:13

What eat the frog first?

Jason Shelfer 1:15

Now that's the name of well, that's one of the theories is eat eat the frog first. Eat do what's hard first.

Jana Shelfer 1:20

Oh, is that it?

Jason Shelfer 1:21

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 1:22

Okay, well, we did that yesterday.

Jason Shelfer 1:25

We started eating that frog, couldn't get it down.

Jana Shelfer 1:27

I'm telling you, we worked on this course all day long. In the middle of the day, I actually called a coach and I said, Can you come over and help us? We need emergency service right now that we need a third person to kind of just be an outsider and tell us where we're getting stuck.

Jason Shelfer 1:48

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 1:49

Because it was a big gulp. It was a big gulp in just getting started. And in any goal in any goal in life, sometimes just getting started is the hardest part.

Jason Shelfer 2:03

It's building that momentum. And once you get once we get in that flow, we're great.

Jana Shelfer 2:07

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 2:08

And I think part of it is we're passionate about it. And that's that's one of the biggest things is we've built, I think, this amazing, fantastic, extraordinary relationship. And because we both took, we've been in this for 20 years, and we've come at it from these just a two and a half foot perspective difference.

Jana Shelfer 2:31

Well, I think you are still building a course for relationships. I think I am building a course for couples who are going through transformation. And that's a different It's a different course. Yeah. And I I feel like I don't know how to narrow that.

Jason Shelfer 2:57

Well, you gotta narrow that pinpoint down, and we'll just fill in the gaps there.

Jana Shelfer 3:01

And it needs to be narrowed pretty quickly before we go any further.

Jason Shelfer 3:06

Yeah, before we get past the introduction. And the the the truth of the matter is, is it is the it's it might be slightly different pain points. It's a lot of the same tools.

Jana Shelfer 3:18

Well, it is the same tools because even the same, it's the same tools even when you're working on yourself and wanting to build or manifest your dreams in your own life. Yes. However, it's just slightly different of who we're targeting or who we're talking to.

Jason Shelfer 3:36

To let people know, okay, is this course for me?

When Feedback Turns Into Hurt

Jana Shelfer 3:39

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 3:41

Like, am I if I'm shouting into a crowd, then nobody hears. But if I'm shouting to a specific person, then they're like, oh, I hear you. Let me come knocking on your door.

Jana Shelfer 3:50

Yes. And sometimes yesterday when you were speaking, it kind I kind of started getting offended at times, thinking, do we have a problem? Is there a problem in this relationship that I'm not aware of? Right. What's hiding behind door number three? And why do you want to build this course? Like, did am I am I You're perfect? Well, I did you're not well, I'm like, but why are you wanting to help people? And so I I literally felt almost yesterday like I was in this penalty box. Weird, not a penalty box, but this weird gas-lit haze yesterday.

Speaker 1 4:33

That's a horrible thing.

Jana Shelfer 4:34

Am I experiencing something that I didn't even know that I am I oblivious to my own life, my own reality? That's what I was feeling. And at one point, I even said, I need to go walk myself. I did that, didn't I? I said, I need to go walk myself because I don't know what is happening right now.

Jason Shelfer 4:54

That almost reminds me of like a high school experience when I was high.

Jana Shelfer 4:58

Oh, great.

Jason Shelfer 5:00

I was like, is this reality? I gotta get out of this. That is what I'm never doing this again.

Jana Shelfer 5:06

I literally thought that. I literally thought that because at one point I I was like, I I said to you, I go, you know, I'm really sorry. Did I just hurt your feelings? I said that. I go, I'm I'm so sorry. Did I just hurt your feelings? Because I had this, I said something and I was like, that kind of came out a little bit harsh. And I said, Did I just hurt your feelings? And then you said, Did you intend to? And then I thought, oh my gosh, like that's a harsh question. Yeah, have I ever intended to hurt your feelings? And then in that moment, I was like, Whoa, we are creating a course on relationships.

Jason Shelfer 5:51

Because you should always assume that your partner is never intentionally trying to hurt your feelings, right? Yeah, always assume the best about your partner.

Jana Shelfer 6:00

And so at that moment, I said, I I need to just go walk myself because I feel my my feelings have been hurt. I did say that. I go, my feelings have been hurt at this moment, and I need to just take take a few for myself. Yeah. Does that all compute? Is that how it went down for you?

Jason Shelfer 6:23

I I remember I was there. I was there, and I felt bad about asking that because I knew I know you didn't mean to, like there wasn't a any malice, and and I didn't there was no need for that follow-up question from me.

Jana Shelfer 6:37

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 6:37

So it was like a so behind that shadow of machismo or whatever, yes, there was probably a feeling hurt.

Jana Shelfer 6:47

Oh, and then, okay, and then just to share with everyone, because this was this is kind of comical this morning, but in the moment, this did not feel comical. Jason says, Do you realize that sometimes you push it just a little fur farther than it needs to be pushed? Like you just keep going and going to the point where it's past the the boundary point and it hurts my feelings. And and you just keep going. Like you just keep talking, and she's like, like you're doing right now.

Jason Shelfer 7:22

I was like, point taken. My apologies. I I'm sorry. She's like, I'm gonna go walk myself so you can sit in your silence.

Jana Shelfer 7:35

Oh, and then as I go walk myself, take a break from this lesson. I think, I think, wow, do we even need to be in this realm?

Jason Shelfer 7:45

And that's why this course is important. Because what happens in a lot of relationships is now there's gonna be a three-day awkward silence in the house where there's gonna be two people passing like trains in the night.

Jana Shelfer 7:57

That is true, and that is never a good thing, you know, where you you have a moment like that, and then there's this tension in the house.

Jason Shelfer 8:06

And they're gonna go to bed and they're not gonna say anything to each other. They might one person might sleep on the couch or stay up till three in the morning watching TV or doing whatever they do. They're not gonna go apologize, kiss each other, and say, you know what, I'm sorry. I I got heated. It's been a hard day. We were working on something that was very important to both of us, our passion. There will it just it would got to be a little bit wellming.

Jana Shelfer 8:34

Welming is such a great word.

Jason Shelfer 8:36

I will say thank you for all the effort that you were putting in. I know it, I saw it, I appreciate it, and we are doing this for each other, we're on the same team. Like that's something that usually will not get said because what happens is we start going, I did all this, I did this, I did this, they did X. And they did X to the detriment of what I was trying to do.

Jana Shelfer 9:04

I will say that extraordinary couples learn how to resolve conflict very quickly and in a very fair manner.

Jason Shelfer 9:14

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 9:15

Do you believe that?

Jason Shelfer 9:16

I I instead of burning it down, they build a bridge quickly.

Jana Shelfer 9:20

I feel that you and I have we learned that very quickly. To we learn to fight fairly.

Jason Shelfer 9:28

Well, the this is the deal is we have a certain amount of time, and do we want to spend that time in misery or in conflict, or do we want to spend that time building a life of our dreams?

Jana Shelfer 9:40

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 9:40

And I I sit we sit here doing this podcast, I'm looking out over this beautiful lake. I know, I'm thinking we need to be out skiing, looking at this beautiful pool, and I'm going, you know what? I feel like I'm the luckiest man on the planet. And I'm sitting here looking into your eyes as we do this podcast, and I'm like, I I've I feel like I've made it, and I feel like there's so much further to go. Does that make sense?

Jana Shelfer 10:07

Because it is.

Jason Shelfer 10:07

It's like we we're not there yet, and we're there yet.

Jana Shelfer 10:12

That is true.

Jason Shelfer 10:12

It's so wonderful to me. So why waste time not building the bridge to the next level of extraordinary?

Jana Shelfer 10:23

Absolutely.

Jason Shelfer 10:24

So resolving conflict quickly, like being able to communicate what's happening. I'm still working on identifying feelings. Like, thank God for Atlas of the Heart by Renee Brown. Is that who wrote that?

Jana Shelfer 10:38

Yes.

Gratitude Huddle And Team Playbook

Jason Shelfer 10:38

Like, if I hadn't read that how many years ago, I don't think I would still be able to name some feelings. Like it would still be those three feelings that I ever had.

Jana Shelfer 10:48

Mad, glad, and sad. Right. And bad. It's mad, bad, sad, and glad.

Jason Shelfer 10:53

And and maybe fine, you know, and you can't fix fine. But good. There's like there's so much that we've spent our our time working on, and being able to share that through this course, I think is gonna help so many people.

Jana Shelfer 11:10

I would agree with that. I absolutely would agree with that. And even as we went through yesterday, I'm so glad that we started and got that first step out of the way, because I do think that sometimes that first leap is the hardest whenever you start anything new.

Jason Shelfer 11:30

Yeah, and we talked about it in one of the speeches that we just did for well, actually, we did it a couple of times for different groups is jump off the cliff, sew your parachute on the way down.

Jana Shelfer 11:39

I also think it's very important not only how we resolved our conflict yesterday, but how we intentionally started our morning with enthusiasm. We started with gratitude and we really huddled up. And I mean, I know both of us this morning made an and we both came together.

Jason Shelfer 12:08

Intentional connection.

Jana Shelfer 12:09

We really did, and we both did that separately without having to nudge the other. Do you know what I'm saying?

Jason Shelfer 12:19

It was it was almost like different members of the team calling a cap calling a huddle so that we could say, where's the end zone?

Jana Shelfer 12:26

And said, Hey, how can I contribute and let's find a solution today? Let's find the solution.

Jason Shelfer 12:32

What are what are the best plays that are gonna work in your playbook and what are the best plays that are gonna work in my playbook? And let's run those plays today.

Jana Shelfer 12:39

Let's work together. Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:41

Oh Thanks for being here.

Jason Shelfer 12:44

Keep Living Lucky®.

Speaker 1 12:45

Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.