Talk About My D Life

In this high-vibration episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, Jason and Jana Shelfer take a nostalgic yet transformative trip to Jason’s 36-year high school reunion in Quincy, Florida. What starts as a simple walk down memory lane becomes a profound masterclass in self-perception, public speaking confidence, and the power of rewriting your own history.

If you’ve ever let a single "failure" from your past define your current potential, this episode is your wake-up call. We dive into how Jason overcame a decades-long mental block sparked by a 10th-grade speech "failure" and how the mirrors of our community can reveal a much more powerful version of ourselves than we’ve been willing to see.

In This Episode, Learn To:

• Audit Your Identity Mirror: Discover the massive gap between how you feel inside (insecure/lonely) and how you are perceived by the world (funny/charismatic).
• Heal Performance Trauma: Learn how Jason reframed a "D" grade in public speaking into a lifelong calling.
• Master the "Outline" Method: Why trying to be perfect with scripts leads to "squirreling," while an outline creates authentic connection.
• Navigate Nostalgia with Growth: How to return to old environments without slipping back into old, limiting hierarchies.

Living Lucky® Nuggets:

• External Truth vs. Internal Story: You might be judging yourself by your worst moment while everyone else remembers your best traits. (Believe in yourself)
• The "British Are Coming" Trap: Preparedness often feels like a test you can fail. Shift from "performing" to "sharing" to dissolve anxiety. (Believe in your circumstances)
• Southern Kindness as Fuel: Recognize the "Miss Kays" in your life—the people who have been quietly rooting for your success for decades. (Believe in the people around you)
• The Power of Curiosity: At reunions (and in life), gravitated toward those you weren't close to; fresh perspectives foster the most growth. (Believe in a higher power)

Stop letting an old "D" define your adult "A." Hit play to reframe your confidence and start Living Lucky® today!

Personal development, Public speaking anxiety, Overcoming limiting beliefs, High school reunion, Self-perception

Transcript

Creating A Life You Crave

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning, I'm Jana. I'm Jason. And we are Living Lucky®. You are too. We went to Jason's learning.

Jason Shelfer 0:23

It's a mega reunion.

Jana Shelfer 0:25

30 something. 36 years.

Jason Shelfer 0:26

36 years. So we had all grades or all graduation years from ever.

Jana Shelfer 0:35

Okay. Jason went to a little house in the prairie school growing up. This was in Quincy, Florida. It's called Monroe High School. And they literally had kindergarten through 12th grade all in one area.

Jason Shelfer 0:49

Yeah. All on one property. So second, third grade were on one side of the street. Then you go to the gym, and that's third, fourth, and fifth. Which it just is mind-boggling.

Gym Class Memories And Dodgeball Pain

Jana Shelfer 1:04

It is mind-boggling that you would have class in the gym.

Jason Shelfer 1:07

It was crazy.

Jana Shelfer 1:08

Because I'm thinking people are playing dodgeball. All of a sudden, oh, here comes dodgeball.

Jason Shelfer 1:14

Dodgeball, and then there was during spelling beats. My favorite game was um, which is really weird, but at that time, my favorite game was they there was like this big parachute. Oh, yeah. Oh, we did that. And then you'd run underneath it. I was like, why is that so fun?

Jana Shelfer 1:29

Not only why is that so fun, but what is the benefit of that? And why is that even physical activity?

Jason Shelfer 1:35

I don't know. Well, I mean, it arm strength, all I don't know, but it was I loved it.

Jana Shelfer 1:40

Maybe it's hand-eye coordination because you have to get under it while the air is under it.

Jason Shelfer 1:46

And I was like, and you you're pulling it tight. There's there's gotta be something going on with your brain in that activity, but I loved it.

Jana Shelfer 1:53

I always thought that was so fun too. But our gym teacher, Mr. Lepo, only brought that out like once a year.

Jason Shelfer 2:00

Well, I and it might have been the same for us, but I just that was one of the things that I remember so much. And I also I liked dodgeball when I was one of the older kids, not when I was one of the younger kids.

Jana Shelfer 2:13

Oh, I know. No, for girls, dodgeball is sometimes the scariest thing because those boys don't realize their arms get really strong, yeah, and then they start throwing the balls at the girls they like.

Jason Shelfer 2:27

I remember I think one time with a dodgeball, and I was I I I remember crying, and then I was like, I can't go back to school because I cried.

Jana Shelfer 2:36

Because it hurts.

Jason Shelfer 2:37

That's why it was an involuntary cry.

Jana Shelfer 2:40

I think all crying and no, you probably got hit in the nose, which makes your eyes water, and then next thing you know, people are like, Are you okay? Are you okay?

Jason Shelfer 2:47

And then you're crying because you're crying. You ever cry? You ever cry because you're crying?

Jana Shelfer 2:54

Oh, yeah, I did that on the lake. I've done that in the lake many times. I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe I've got here crying.

Reunion Nerves And Fear Of Judgment

Jason Shelfer 3:00

I'm crying because I'm crying.

Jana Shelfer 3:01

Oh right, so we went to Jason's high school reunion. You saw people that you haven't seen in 36 years. 36 years, which I was very impressed at how well you recognized everyone.

Jason Shelfer 3:15

It's interesting because uh I mean, there a lot of the facial features don't change, some body types change.

Jana Shelfer 3:22

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 3:22

But and you told me, look at their eyes.

Jana Shelfer 3:25

Well, that someone told me that once. However, it's never really worked for me. Well, it's but people say, you know what, look at their eyes, and you'll start seeing their childhood eyes. However, do you know how many people came over to me and looked at me in the eye, like, do I recognize you?

Jason Shelfer 3:40

Like, what class were you in?

Jana Shelfer 3:41

What the fuck happened to you?

Jason Shelfer 3:44

All right, we're gonna have to bleep that.

Jana Shelfer 3:46

There was this one drunk girl, Martha. She was like, Oh my god, I recognize you. And I'm like, nope, don't think you do, but hey, I'm married into this reunion.

Jason Shelfer 3:55

Yeah. I'm here by proxy.

Jana Shelfer 3:57

Oh, okay.

Jason Shelfer 3:58

So let's just it was a it was a very interesting trip down nostalgia lane for me.

Jana Shelfer 4:04

Because many people have high school reunions, and many people have many emotions and feelings that go on before they get there. You know, in fact, for me, sometimes I don't even want to go because I don't want to be judged.

Jason Shelfer 4:18

Yeah, well, one of the biggest things for me was I I had some anxiety rolling in because you said I I need to ask some questions to all these people that we're gonna meet.

Jana Shelfer 4:28

And like this is a wealth of information for me.

Jason Shelfer 4:31

I'm gonna ask people what's your what is one of the best memories you have of Jason? Or what tell me some Jason stories? And I was like, no, don't ask that. You're getting the best version of me.

Jana Shelfer 4:43

What Jason was like in high school.

What Others Remember About Jason

Jason Shelfer 4:45

Yeah, and I was like, I wasn't like, I don't remember myself being a great version of myself. I I remember Do you want to know?

Jana Shelfer 4:54

I went ahead and asked that question to almost everyone I talked to. Many people said you were very first of all, the number one thing was you were funny, you were always the life of the party, you were funny, and your speech teacher said she knew that you would be speaking for a living one day. She she knew that.

Jason Shelfer 5:15

And which brings up this other feeling or other awareness, having heard all these stories because my interpretation of myself and my experience at the time was very different.

The Speech That Sparked Trauma

Jana Shelfer 5:32

Isn't that so interesting? Because when and I don't mean to cut you off, so save that thought. When your speech teacher said, I always knew that he would be speaking for a living, I just thought it might take a while. I thought, isn't that interesting? Because in the last 10 years, if you could see the hurdle Jason has had to overcome, the trauma. There is some track trauma.

Jason Shelfer 5:57

There has been some trauma there because I built up that mental block of speaking of being in front of the camera because of that 10th grade in front of the class declaration.

Jana Shelfer 6:10

Declamation.

Jason Shelfer 6:10

Declamation, where we had the speech teacher corrected us. What you had to do was you had to go through this booklet. Yes, and you had to purchase for five or seven dollars back in 1988 this speech. Yes, and it was a five to seven minute speech, maybe seven to twelve minute speech. I can't remember, it doesn't matter. But then you had to memorize it, and you had like two months, two or three months to memorize it, yes, and then you had to perform it in front of all 27 people in your class.

Jana Shelfer 6:42

Right.

Jason Shelfer 6:43

I got it, and you got to pick from like dozens, right? And it's whatever resonated most to you, and I was like, okay, this resonates and it seems easy. And mine was Paul Revere, the British are coming, the British are coming. I was like, okay, first two lines are exactly the same. I got it. This is gonna be pretty easy. I kind of know the story.

Jana Shelfer 7:05

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 7:06

And I got up there, I did it, I tried to do it in a British accent.

Jana Shelfer 7:12

Which which I am.

Jason Shelfer 7:13

And I'm like, Paul Revere wasn't British.

Jana Shelfer 7:15

Right, he wasn't. I'm like, wait, they're saying the British are coming, not that British are coming, the British are coming.

Jason Shelfer 7:22

Yeah, and see, that's the that's the the wisdom of an adult.

Jana Shelfer 7:27

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 7:28

You know, and I froze, I panicked, I forgot the next line.

Jana Shelfer 7:33

It was your interpretation.

Jason Shelfer 7:34

After the British are coming, the British are coming.

Jana Shelfer 7:36

Then you froze.

Jason Shelfer 7:37

I froze, I freaked out, I started sweating, yeah, uncontrollably.

Jana Shelfer 7:43

And I've had those, I've had that moment in just the last six months.

Jason Shelfer 7:49

I and that counted as a lot of our grade, and I remember I got a D.

Jana Shelfer 7:53

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Jason Shelfer 7:55

I was like, oh, I will never ever speak in front of a crowd again.

Why Prepared Speeches Feel Impossible

Jana Shelfer 8:01

Isn't that interesting? Because every single person I talked to said this was like a natural gift for you. And I have seen it really come out in the last couple months. I've seen it, I've seen it even on our Facebook Lives and even in our podcast. But that's just you and me sitting here, right?

Jason Shelfer 8:22

Well, it's so this was a prepared speech. Yes. I that and that's why I very much move away from prepared speech.

Jana Shelfer 8:30

Oh my gosh, we that is an aha moment for me because one reason why I I hate speaking with you, even though I know we're better together on stage, is I feel like you leave all of the preparations up to me, which I'm not the best at preparing speeches either.

Jason Shelfer 8:50

I I will talk like if if someone calls me to the stage and says, Will you talk about this?

Jana Shelfer 8:56

You're great.

Jason Shelfer 8:57

I will, in a heartbeat, I'll I will fill in for you, I will jump in at a wedding, I will jump in wherever, and I would love to talk about whatever anything, any subject, uh if I if I have some knowledge about it. Yes. If I don't have knowledge about it, I say I'm not the guy for you. Um, if you absolutely need me in a pinch, I will change the subject gracefully and go to something that I know. But preparing a speech is not my forte.

Jana Shelfer 9:23

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 9:24

Because then I feel this obligation to memorize it. And if I get a word off, I'm gonna I'm gonna beat myself up over it.

Jana Shelfer 9:32

Okay, first of all, when you're speaking with me, you never have to memorize anything. Anything. Well, see, this is and this is where I think when we're on stage together, I will prompt you. It's just I do need help in the preparation of things.

Jason Shelfer 9:48

Well, see, and that's where I So that we're on the side. We're really good about having getting an outline together. So when we have an outline together, then it helps me not squirrel off. And that's that's the beauty of how we do our speeches.

Jana Shelfer 10:02

Yeah, however, I don't think that we have nailed it yet.

Jason Shelfer 10:04

No, because I will still squirrel. And then when I squirrel, sometimes you don't know where I'm squirreling to.

Jana Shelfer 10:10

I don't, and I'm like, this is like is he chasing a squirrel right now or is it a rabbit?

Jason Shelfer 10:14

Or or is he is he running after elephants?

Jana Shelfer 10:18

Well, it can't be any worse than when I was on stage and I said, Yeah, I smell farts. I actually said that sentence in a speech. Well, you you sit at farts in Estonia, in an international crowd, and people were like, they asked me, What do you what is one thing about sitting in a wheelchair? And I'm like, Well, I smell farts first.

Jason Shelfer 10:37

I'm the first to smell a fart because I'm right at butt level.

Perception Versus Insecurity And Growth

Jana Shelfer 10:40

It did not go over well. And you were on stage with me and you you were trying to cover people. I filled in, and I'm like, now you know what it's like to be me, because you do that kind of stuff to me all the time. Oh, okay. So back to this reunion. It just was so interesting because I left the reunion thinking, yeah, I can see how you grew up in this, like, it's almost like your seed. I can see how this was your seed.

Jason Shelfer 11:11

Yeah. Well, and I had a very different perspective because I was I was the subject of my life, right?

Jana Shelfer 11:17

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 11:17

So I I was like, I knew all of me. I knew that I was, I spent a lot of my like early high school years lonely and feeling like I didn't fit in. I was different, I was skinny, big melon head. I was 6'2, 120 pounds. Um I overcompensated a lot.

Jana Shelfer 11:40

I I do feel that also is part of your genius and your comedic wits.

Jason Shelfer 11:48

Well, now looking back, so all of those things for me.

Jana Shelfer 11:53

Yes, right?

Jason Shelfer 11:53

But at the time it was happening to me.

Jana Shelfer 11:56

Yes, and you were covering up maybe some insecurities.

Jason Shelfer 12:00

So many insects, so many insecurities. And so hearing the stories and how I was remembered was very eye-opening for me because what was the way I was perceived was very different than the way I was feeling. Yes. And it told me that a lot of times, sometimes the way I'm feeling, also now, even if there's times when I'm feeling down, or if I'm feeling like I'm not doing enough, or that I might be able to get even more objective and say, I'm probably still being perceived better than I am.

Jana Shelfer 12:38

Wow. That's a that's a lot to unpack right there.

Jason Shelfer 12:42

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 12:42

I mean, when you're because we all feel that we all have insecurities, and we all, I mean, people look at me and go, Oh my gosh, you're so confident and you have such a great personality and you're so charismatic. I've had to do that to make other people feel comfortable around me. Yeah, and sometimes I do that because I'm so freaking uncomfortable myself.

Jason Shelfer 13:03

Right. And I and I think that's just it's one of those things in the spiritual curriculum that we go through on a daily basis, yes, that we will always go through because we're we're always growing, learning, and evolving and expanding.

Jana Shelfer 13:17

Yes.

Who We Gravitate Toward Over Time

Jason Shelfer 13:17

So we will always be in that next level of our being, right? And it's just saying, okay, well, let's get a let's find that space within ourselves to get comfortable being uncomfortable, and also in that space of saying, giving ourselves that grace of, hey, this is just a little growth and understanding with ourselves.

Jana Shelfer 13:38

Okay, I have another little question since we're interviewing you about your reunion.

Jason Shelfer 13:42

I'm being interviewed. Did you feel my turn?

Jana Shelfer 13:44

Did you feel drawn to the same people you were drawn to back then? Has has that changed any?

Jason Shelfer 13:50

What's funny is I was I I felt like I I still knew. So the people that I was closest to 36 years ago, or even that I have kind of kept in touch with a little bit, not much. I mean, you know. Right. The I gravitated more to people that I wasn't close to in high school.

Jana Shelfer 14:12

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 14:12

Because I wanted to know what's been going on.

Jana Shelfer 14:16

Right.

Jason Shelfer 14:16

Like I haven't seen several people in the whole 36 years.

Jana Shelfer 14:21

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 14:22

And they've there's been several divorces, there's been kids. Um, we were at the hunting camp, excuse me, at the hunting camp of one of the guys that I didn't spend a lot of time with in high school, and we only had 27 people in our class. Right. And um, and it was just wonderful talking to him.

Jana Shelfer 14:41

Really? Who which was David. Oh, okay, David Boyd.

Jason Shelfer 14:44

Yeah, and it was, I was like, David is just living he's living his best life.

Jana Shelfer 14:49

He he loves to hunt. He has this hunting camp, and it's only 37 members, he's got a little pond, he's gotta be born into this club.

Jason Shelfer 14:56

I know.

Jana Shelfer 14:57

I'm like, wow, this is elite. This is exclusive.

Jason Shelfer 15:01

I was like, David, how do I get in here? He's like, You can't.

Jana Shelfer 15:03

You can't.

Jason Shelfer 15:04

I said, I said, how much is it, David? Come on, tell me.

Southern Kindness And Marriage Reflections

Jana Shelfer 15:06

You either have to marry into it.

Jason Shelfer 15:08

You marry into it, or you get born into it. You can't get in. I don't care how much money you got.

Jana Shelfer 15:13

Okay, well, I met someone that I thought this was kind of funny. They came over to me and they said, Um, Kay was her name. And she's a little bit older, I would guess. And she said, Oh my gosh, I was at your wedding shower. And I was like, Oh, yeah, I remember. And she said, You know, I have thought about you every single day, you and Jason.

Jason Shelfer 15:39

I told my mom this, and my mom goes, she probably has.

Jana Shelfer 15:43

Isn't that so sweet?

Jason Shelfer 15:44

It is, and we're coming up on our 20th reunion on Wednesday.

Jana Shelfer 15:48

In her in her Southern charm, she says, I pray for you every single day. And also, when Miss Lynn told me that Jason was gonna marry a girl in a wheelchair, and Miss Lynn said, Isn't that just like Jason? She said, No, that's not that's not the Jason I know.

Jason Shelfer 16:09

Never pictured it. I never pictured it.

Jana Shelfer 16:12

But then she said, But you all are just the cutest little couple together. I think we are. We're changing the world. That made my heart warm and fuzzy. So thank you, Miss Kay, for those kind words and for thinking of us every single day.

Jason Shelfer 16:27

Right? We'll take all the thoughts we can get. All the parts. And all the downloads.

Jana Shelfer 16:31

Yes, I love it. I love it. Well, Jason, I just want to thank you because I feel that making the trek up to the sticks, up to Quincy, Florida, and attending two days of this reunion. So the first night was with every class.

Jason Shelfer 16:51

Yep. 363 tickets were sold.

Jana Shelfer 16:54

Which is a lot. It was a lot. I mean, you couldn't even go to the food truck without getting, I mean, it took you an hour and a half to go get it. I'm sorry. So it's all good.

Jason Shelfer 17:01

I'm sorry.

Jana Shelfer 17:02

It's all good. And Tater and I were laughing life that Billy Dean was performing.

Jason Shelfer 17:07

It was a great game.

Jana Shelfer 17:10

And then the next night was the class of 90, 91, and 92. And I just want to thank you because I do feel that you got a little taste of childhood, Jason. I did, and I learned a lot about you and maybe things that you haven't. I mean, we we spend every waking moment together and we share a lot of deep conversations. However, just talking to your speech teacher was an aha moment in itself.

Jason Shelfer 17:39

It kind of was an aha moment for me because I didn't know that she had that kind of faith in me back then. I mean, when you get a D, so when you're judged and you're and you're judged with a close to failing grade. I mean, D is D failing?

Jana Shelfer 17:56

Yeah, that's I mean it's not an F, but it's I I think B minus is failing.

Jason Shelfer 18:00

So when you're when you're married to a high achiever that gets A's and maybe a B plus. Yeah, the uh like you don't talk about your D life.

unknown 18:12

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 18:13

Well, but there's no judgment here.

Jana Shelfer 18:15

You should talk about your D life. Like when when you're judged for That could be a sitcom, talk about my D life.

Jason Shelfer 18:23

Especially if I'm a girl. Let me talk to you about my D life, baby. So when you're judged for your speaking ability and you get a D, you don't that's not a show of faith. You know what I'm saying?

Jana Shelfer 18:39

Well, that's putting more value on external reactions than maybe what God had created you.

Jason Shelfer 18:47

And it's also it doesn't, I didn't have the bandwidth to come to her and have a an uh crucial conversation about she might have let you do it again. I think she did.

Jana Shelfer 18:58

Oh, okay.

Jason Shelfer 19:01

And I think I don't think I improved a whole lot.

Jana Shelfer 19:05

Thanks for joining me. Keep Living Lucky®. Bye bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.