The Double-Edged Sword of Regret

Regret: Turn Your Burden into a Blueprint for a Future Without Regret (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Is regret a daily burden? That heavy "I should have" loop is a personal development trap. Most view it as pure negativity, but on the Living Lucky® Podcast, we show you how to transform this emotional "jackhammer" from a tormentor into your most powerful tool.

This is a masterclass in mindset and emotional intelligence to help you let go of the past and step boldly into your future.

Powerful Takeaways:

• The Jackhammer Metaphor: Regret breaks through obstacles, but don't carry the tool 🛠️ daily.
• Slow Burn Danger: Time is not a friend to regret. It’s a "slow burn" that builds pain tolerance and fuels limiting beliefs ("one day").
• The Universe Responds: Feeding regret's energy traps you in a cycle of missed opportunities.
• Burden to Compass: Process regret healthfully to transform it from baggage into a guide for authentic choices.
• Emotional Bumpers: Your emotions are like bowling alley bumpers, guiding you toward the "strike zone of your destiny."
• Life Leaps: Hear Jana’s story about leaving radio—listening to your soul prevents lifelong regret.

Stop letting the past dictate your future. Get the self-help tools you need to create a life lived without regret.

• How to let go of regret.
• The psychological purpose of regret.
• How to turn regret into positive action.
• Why do I keep postponing my dreams?
• How to overcome "I could have, I should have."
• Regret as a slow burn.
• The relationship between time and regret.
• Emotional baggage and personal growth.
• How to stop ruminating on past choices.
• "How can I process regret in a healthy way?"
• "Is regret a good emotion?"
• "What is the biggest regret people have?"
• "How does regret affect your future choices?"
• "How do I use regret as a guide?"
• "Why is time not a friend to regret?"
• "What are the benefits of emotional awareness?"

Transcript

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Creating a life you crave

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:14

Good morning. I'm Jana. I'm Jason.

Jana Shelfer 0:16

And we are Living Lucky®. You are too.

The pros and cons of regret

Jana Shelfer 0:19

We are going to talk about the pros and cons of regret. Regret is one of those emotions that has so much value. No regrets. However, when we hold on to it, when we store it in our little secret pocket.

Jason Shelfer 0:35

That's right, like a little otter.

Jana Shelfer 0:36

Like a little otter with the seek where they put their little rock, then it carries into the future with us, which is not always a good thing. So regret has a lot of teaching potential. It's got great if we use it in a healthy way.

Jason Shelfer 0:54

Great teaching potential. And then it can also create a lot of emotional baggage that we don't need.

Jana Shelfer 1:00

So it's one of those you gotta be careful. You gotta be careful when you're when you're taking in regret. It's almost like me and Jin. I gotta be careful when I take it. Like sometimes a good martini is, wow, that was really fantastic.

Jason Shelfer 1:16

That was really therapeutic.

Jana Shelfer 1:17

Other times I turn into mean girls.

Jason Shelfer 1:19

That's right. I was the the the alliteration or the metaphor I was gonna use was it's like a regret's like a tool, but it's like a jackhammer. It's like if you don't need the jackhammer, don't carry it around all day with you.

Jana Shelfer 1:31

Uh you know, that's so good because sometimes in life, you know, we acquire skills or knowledge and we get just enough to make us dangerous.

Personal experiences with regret

Jana Shelfer 1:43

That is what regret is for me.

Jason Shelfer 1:47

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 1:48

Regret because if you don't do it, if you don't handle this emotion in a positive way, it can manifest experiences that make you feel even more regretful.

Jason Shelfer 2:03

Right. Yeah. And then what you find is that you've maybe you've ruminated so long and you've just kind of created this wallow pit that you've might mired yourself in. And then it's like, how do I get get out of this?

Jana Shelfer 2:17

Okay, so uh let's just dive into this. Let's unpack it all. So let's just talk about when you have the feeling of regret. Now, we all know what regret feels like, even though nobody has really defined it for us. It's usually this feeling that, oh, maybe I didn't make the best choice for me.

Jason Shelfer 2:41

Yeah. Or I wish I'd done this differently. I wish I'd spent more time with so-and-so.

Jana Shelfer 2:45

I could have, I should have, I wish I would have. Those are the language words that you use when you're you're experiencing regret. And there's for me, there's usually this hanging feeling, sometimes in my gut, sometimes in my shoulders, sometimes in the back of my mind, and it just lingers. Yeah, it's it's almost like um uh I I want to say uh I spilt olive oil the other day out of the fridge. On your new clothes. I sp I had these olives, and the package was leaking, and olive oil went everywhere. And the more I kept trying to wipe it up, but for some reason I would go into the bathroom and I'd be like, oh my gosh, there it is on my wheel. There it is on my I kept finding it, it was lingering, and that's how regret is.

Jason Shelfer 3:39

Yeah. I think one one memory for me that was I really felt that regret was when a uh middle school classmate of mine passed away.

Jana Shelfer 3:51

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 3:52

And it was a classmate that we didn't treat well. It was uh she passed away from a complication of chicken pox. Oh. And I remember at her funeral, I felt horrible because I was like, I never got a chance to tell her that she was special, that she was loved, like she was just she really was an incredible person.

Jana Shelfer 4:16

That might be a little bit mixed in with guilt.

Jason Shelfer 4:19

Yeah, well, I regret that I never had this the chance to.

Jana Shelfer 4:25

So now, so carrying that forward that you never had the chance to, or that you never took the that I never took the opportunity.

Jason Shelfer 4:33

So I never took the opportunity while I had it. So now I try to take the opportunity to make people feel special when I'm in their presence.

Jana Shelfer 4:41

How old were you when that happened? Because that feels like an early memory.

Jason Shelfer 4:44

Probably um 14.

Jana Shelfer 4:48

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 4:49

Is that middle school?

Jana Shelfer 4:51

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 4:52

Uh we don't have kids, so I don't uh 14 is like eighth grade. Yeah, okay.

Jana Shelfer 4:57

So I'm I in my mind I'm trying to think of when I have experienced regret.

Jason Shelfer 5:02

That was my that was my first big aha. And then it came again with when Jerry passed. So when people pass is a very specific time for regret to to hit, and you think, okay, well, what what should could I have done differently? Like what what did I miss out on here?

Regret as a slow burn

Jana Shelfer 5:20

So for me, when I talk when I think of regret, the where I've really experienced it is when I and here's the double-edged sword of this. When I left my radio career, I ruminated on this for about 10 years because there was something inside me that was saying, take a chance, take a chance on you, and take a leap of faith, get get outside your comfort zone and explore the world. So there was that little voice that was speaking. Yes, but then there was also this voice that was saying, This is such a great job. I don't want to leave it, I don't know if I can find something better. That's the voice of doubt. And and then once I did make that decision, I I don't it it was regret mixed in with a lot of different feelings. It wasn't just regret um alone.

Jason Shelfer 6:20

I don't know that regret shows up alone. I think regret comes in with an army of emotions behind it.

Jana Shelfer 6:29

The interesting thing about that whole scenario is that 10 years later, it's been 10 years since I left radio, I feel that I would have had absolute regret if I would have stayed stayed.

Jason Shelfer 6:48

That's big.

Jana Shelfer 6:50

Right?

Jason Shelfer 6:51

Yeah, because you what happened was is you heard your soul calling.

Jana Shelfer 6:55

My soul was calling, and you listened. However, this there was a regret that actually cast a shadow of doubt, a shadow of what are people gonna find? Uncertainty. What are you there's fear, there's doubt, there's uncertainty. And so, in that, I feel like I've actually made the struggle for myself a 10-year struggle, instead of literally sitting with my feelings and then maybe getting some professional help at that time to say, okay, how do we let this go?

Jason Shelfer 7:32

Oh, letting it go. Well, the other part of that, because I see they're both healthy ways to go it.

Jana Shelfer 7:38

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 7:39

Because it was to me, the visual that came for to my mind was climbing a mountain.

Jana Shelfer 7:44

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 7:44

So you could have either been taking the helicopter to the top of the mountain, okay, or you could have built that sounds fun. Right. We've done that, and it does it is fun. Or you could have done the emotional stamina and growth to learn to process all these feelings, to learn how to to navigate this pathway, build the resilience and the grit over the last 10 years to get to where we are. And that takes time. And knowing that if you hadn't taken that leap,

Learning from regret mindfully

Jason Shelfer 8:15

the regret would have just continued to kind of eat gnaw away at you and eat and eat and eat. Because knowing if you had stayed in that same spot, it was just gonna it was like an it was a rooted plant that was just getting deeper and deeper into you.

Jana Shelfer 8:29

It was.

Jason Shelfer 8:30

And so what the further that gets in, the deeper that regret sinks, and then time is an in is like not a friend for regret.

Jana Shelfer 8:41

Yeah. Okay, so now on the other side of the coin, I feel like regret has been a really great friend of mine, in that uh I know this is a crazy example, but I have never done hard drugs. I've never done hard drugs. We should try it. And there's kidding. There, no, no, no, no, no. And uh there's something inside me that is it is regret that has actually been a really great friend of mine saying, You don't even want to try it, Jana, because you may like it and you're gonna have regret. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like I'm I'm fearful of my own emotions.

Jason Shelfer 9:25

Knowing what regret feels like, we tr we avo we want to avoid pain. The problem with regret sometimes, though, is that it's a slow burn.

Jana Shelfer 9:37

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 9:38

So we so we grow pain tolerance over time.

Jana Shelfer 9:42

That is brilliant. That is brilliant. You need to, we all need to rewind this just 10 seconds. Regret can be a slow burn.

Jason Shelfer 9:53

Yeah, and we and we create this pain tolerance over time. That's why dreams were like, well, I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do it one day.

Jana Shelfer 10:01

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 10:02

I'll I'll tell my children I love them one day. You know, I'll tell my parents I love them one day. I'll go visit my parents one day.

Jana Shelfer 10:10

Until one day that zit just pops.

Jason Shelfer 10:12

Yeah, and there's then they're they're not available anymore, or my dreams aren't available anymore, or I don't have my health anymore.

Jana Shelfer 10:18

Or I don't have the resources, or I don't have my job, or I don't have the connections, or I don't I mean, there's all sorts of limiting beliefs there, but it is regret that is speaking at that time.

Jason Shelfer 10:29

Yes, and this is this is why time is not a friend for regret, but and it's a slow burn. So just you know what, take the regret off the stove.

Jana Shelfer 10:38

And the longer you carry that or feel that, or that regret is speaking to you, the universe has this way of communicating with us. And the more that you step into that energy, the universe goes, Oh, Jana really likes to feel this. So I'm just gonna give her more and more opportunities so that she can challenge herself into whether or not she's gonna listen to this voice.

Jason Shelfer 11:02

Yeah, because we're we're gonna be taught the lesson over and over and over again until we learn that piece of the curriculum.

Jana Shelfer 11:09

Oh my gosh. I you know what? I'm gonna stop right here because we have filled these last 12 minutes with such content for me. Like I need to go back and listen to the phone.

Jason Shelfer 11:21

Well, we all need these little reminders. Like it this is and this is why we do it. People say not to do therapy on your podcast, and this isn't therapy. We're not therapists.

Jana Shelfer 11:29

No, but we're analyzing emotions that people don't normally talk about when you go out for dinner, right?

Jason Shelfer 11:35

And we and this is and we do this because we everyone needs these little reminders.

Jana Shelfer 11:40

We all experience this, it's just no one talks about it. I mean, to sit and really think about regret and how it can really be your friends.

Jason Shelfer 11:52

Who wants to sit at dinner and think about regret? You know, but regret can help. A lot of times we we're sitting in regret, like we're surrounded in regret, no, and we don't know how to let it go.

Jana Shelfer 12:04

The average person, if I said, let's talk about regret, the average person is going to automatically think, Well, that's a bad emotion. Yeah, that goes on the lower end of the scale.

Jason Shelfer 12:15

I don't, and and it's like it's like a will. Like they're like, I don't want to, I don't want to press it.

Jana Shelfer 12:20

It brings up all the dreams they had, and yet they thought, oh, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not rich enough.

Jason Shelfer 12:30

All those dreams are for someone else, but not for me.

Jana Shelfer 12:33

All of those, those yucky emotions of ooh.

Jason Shelfer 12:38

Let me disappear softly into the night.

Jana Shelfer 12:41

However, when you deal with it health healthfully and really sit with your emotions productively, yeah. You can say, What is this telling me?

Jason Shelfer 12:50

Right.

Jana Shelfer 12:51

Where this is guiding my life. It our emotions are like bumpers uh at a bowling alley. It's like putting up the bumpers and saying, Okay, I'm going to guide you right to the strike zone of your destiny.

Jason Shelfer 13:06

Amen. Boom.

Jana Shelfer 13:08

Boom, shakalaka. Regret. I challenge everyone that's listening to this today to just sit and think about regret. Think about times in your life when regret has maybe held you back. Think about the times in your life when regret has guided you or propelled you forward.

Jason Shelfer 13:29

Yeah. And then write down one thing that you're gonna do in the future to move yourself forward without regret.

Jana Shelfer 13:35

Thanks

Taking action without regret

Jana Shelfer 13:36

for joining us.

Jason Shelfer 13:37

Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer 13:38

Bye bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at LivingLucky.com.