Butt Rage: A Comedy of Emotions

Butt Rage: A Comedy of Emotions (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Ever felt stuck in a negative spiral with no way out? Or watched helplessly as someone you love sank into anger? In this illuminating episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast, we reveal a counterintuitive technique that's transformed our relationship and can change yours, too.

This is a powerful self-help and personal development guide to transforming negativity into laughter.

We'll teach you to:

• Catastrophize for Connection: Discover how meeting someone where they are emotionally, and then playfully exaggerating their feelings, creates a powerful "pattern interrupt."
• Break the Negative Loop: Learn why trying to counter negativity with positivity often backfires and how this humorous approach creates a "skip in the record" of negative thinking.
• Get Outside the Water Bottle: Understand the brilliant analogy that explains why we need others to help us gain perspective on our emotions.
• Transform Road Rage: Hear our candid, real-life story of how catastrophizing dissolved road rage into laughter and brought us closer.
• Process, Don't Avoid: We show you how humor is a powerful tool to transmute difficult feelings, allowing you to process them and move forward with an empowered choice.

This episode offers practical wisdom for anyone who wants to improve communication, diffuse tension, and find more moments of connection through humor. Prepare to feel the weight lift and laugh your way to a more positive mindset.

• How to deal with negative people.
• How to use humor in a relationship.
• What is emotional catastrophizing?
• How to handle a partner's bad mood.
• How to stop a negative spiral.
• The role of humor in emotional regulation.
• Overcoming anger and frustration.
• How to process emotions in a healthy way.
• Improving communication in a relationship.
• Using humor to diffuse conflict.
• "How do I get a partner to stop being mad?"
• "Is humor a good way to deal with anger?"
• "What is emotional catastrophizing?"
• "How do you improve communication in a couple?"
• "Why does my partner's negativity affect me?"
• "How do you get perspective on your emotions?"
• "Why does toxic positivity backfire?"

For mind-blowing inspirational content that we implement ourselves, join us by subscribing and connecting to our private community.

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Chapters

• 0:00 Creating a Life You Crave
• 1:38 The Road Rage Incident
• 5:15 Meeting Someone Where They Are
• 8:18 Ski Boat Frustrations
• 10:40 Getting Outside the Water Bottle
• 12:05 Process and Transmute Feelings

Transcript

Jana Shelfer: 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer: 0:14

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer: 0:15

I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky® you are too. Our last podcast we talked about. When you're just rooted in your rage, nobody around me is going to be in a good mood.

Jason Shelfer: 0:26

I'm not going to let your positivity affect me.

Jana Shelfer: 0:29

And this is Jana's story. I do this all the time. All the time People are like you're so positive? Well, not really. If you really get to know me and you unpeel the layers, there's times when I'm like, no, I'm going to be depressed and sad.

Jason Shelfer: 0:47

I'm picking my moods. Well, I think sometimes we don't feel alive unless we're feeling all of our feelings. Maybe that's it and it's like I want to make sure all these feelings are here and I'm going to rest with this one for a minute.

Jana Shelfer: 1:00

So Jason and I have discovered a tool for when your partner or when your colleague or when anyone in your sphere is rooted in a mood.

Jason Shelfer: 1:14

Yeah, and it doesn't. It may not always work, but it has worked a lot for us.

Jana Shelfer: 1:21

It has been really working. It has been a lot for us. It has been really working and it literally is meeting your partner or I'm just going to use partner in this context so that you understand.

Jason Shelfer: 1:31

But it could be anyone in your life. It could be your boss, it could be your friend, it can be your children.

Jana Shelfer: 1:41

It can be your significant other. Whatever it is, it's meeting them where they're at, and then we use some sort of humor, and the way we do it is by catastrophizing. So, for example, yesterday Jason was he often, and if you follow this podcast you understand that Jason really struggles with traffic.

Jason Shelfer: 2:05

Traffic and the way people drive.

Jana Shelfer: 2:07

He gets a little road rage.

Jason Shelfer: 2:09

Yeah, not aggressive road rage, but internal road rage and like, with the things that I will say and the frustration, like Jana can see the frustration come over me.

Jana Shelfer: 2:21

I can feel it In the car. I actually feel it. The tighter grip on the steering wheel, the heavy breathings, those grunts we were in downtown Winter Garden and we didn't know, but they were having a festival, so they blocked off the roads. And so now, all of a sudden, we're on these side roads, and the first thing that upset him was that there were stop signs on the side roads.

Jason Shelfer: 2:48

They're going to close down the main thoroughfare, why didn't they just take all the stop signs down on the secondary traffic lane?

Jana Shelfer: 2:54

so we could get through. He's stewing, he's stewing over the driver's seat.

Jason Shelfer: 2:58

Did they not know I was going to be here today?

Jana Shelfer: 3:00

Then we get to a stop sign and you know how, on a four-way stop, you're supposed to take turns right.

Jason Shelfer: 3:07

If you studied driving and you know the rules of driving. There are definite rules for four-way stops, Do you?

Jana Shelfer: 3:15

hear yourself, I do. You're rooted in your rage, I know.

Jason Shelfer: 3:18

Well, here we go back again.

Jana Shelfer: 3:19

Because all of a sudden someone went out of turn and now Jason is having a conniption.

Jason Shelfer: 3:25

Well, I'm important, I get to roll through the stop.

Jana Shelfer: 3:28

So Jason now starts to verbalize this road rage that I feel in the car. Now we go a little further down the road and we are at another stop sign and this car decides to make a left-hand turn, like sneak in a left-hand turn before we made our left.

Jason Shelfer: 3:50

No, this wasn't a stop sign. This was at the traffic light.

Jana Shelfer: 3:52

That had turned green.

Jason Shelfer: 3:53

See how he remembers. And this car shot into other lanes of traffic right in like oncoming head on to us, so that they could turn left across to a four lane road and that was and I was like this is, people are freaking crazy that's the point where jason blew a gasket we're in the car and he blows and he takes it upon himself. He's like I'm now the citizen police I am gonna take this person's license and revoke it.

Jana Shelfer: 4:24

I'm going to let them know what they've done. And I'm like, how am I going to handle this? Because if I say Jason, you're having round rage. I sound like a nagging wife. So what I did instead was I said well, you know what we could get really angry about it.

Jason Shelfer: 4:43

We should get angrier. You know what we could get really angry about it?

Jana Shelfer: 4:45

We should get angrier.

Jason Shelfer: 4:46

Let's get angry about this. How angry can we get?

Jana Shelfer: 4:48

And all of a sudden, it's like I met him where he was. I acknowledged what he was feeling and because we catastrophized it, it became humorous and once we started laughing we were like the rage dissolved. Yeah, it was.

Jason Shelfer: 5:06

It was kind of poking the bullet, and we've done this several different times in several different situations. I think it's one of the most for us and it's we know each other. It's one of the most gentle ways.

Jana Shelfer: 5:18

It is.

Jason Shelfer: 5:19

To, to meet someone where they are and say you know what? Why don't we just, why don't we just have a conniption fit and parents do this with kids all the time, like when kids are just crying, crying, crying. What they will do is they will mirror the crying Ricky, and then they'll just start turning the cry into a laugh and watch the baby follow them.

Jana Shelfer: 5:45

It's like you are, it's. What do they call it? Entrap, not entrap. It's a mirroring thing. It's like you are, it's what do they call it? Entrapped. It's a mirroring thing, it is.

Jason Shelfer: 5:52

I'm going to mirror you. You know what. I'm here with you. Let's get angry about this, let's get freaking furious, and then you're like well, that just sounds silly.

Jana Shelfer: 6:03

So, Jason does this to me all the time. And that was the first thought when you said let's get.

Jason Shelfer: 6:10

Let's just rage like let's rage about this. And I was like, well, that sounds stupid, like in my head, because, so, this is the thing. It's. Because I'm in such a negative state, yeah, anything that comes into that is going to sound negative to me, right? So because you said, well, let's just negative to me. So because you said, well, let's just, let's rage about this, I was like, well, that that sounds stupid.

Jana Shelfer: 6:36

And then I was like wait a minute, I'm raging, that's funny. And then we started laughing. I was like damn it.

Jason Shelfer: 6:39

And it's the same way.

Jana Shelfer: 6:39

Like I know, the other day I was out on the ski boat it was the day before competition and it felt like you know, like the waves were happening.

Jason Shelfer: 6:48

The wind is blowing, the boat smells funny.

Jana Shelfer: 6:53

My ski actually broke. I think the screws are in too tight. Yes, and like literally, I kept having this negative state. And then I would say, well, what do you think, jason, what do you think? And he would say actually, I think you're doing great. You know, at first that's how he.

Jason Shelfer: 7:10

Yeah, and then that just made things worse, and that was making me angry because I'm like no, I'm not. You're not being real. I need you to take a stance and tell me what's really going on here.

Jana Shelfer: 7:17

I just want you to be realistic.

Jason Shelfer: 7:23

What am I doing wrong?

Jana Shelfer: 7:24

And then he says well, we could just quit. We could just quit skiing, Maybe that's the answer.

Jason Shelfer: 7:29

I think this is maybe, well, maybe we've gone as far as we can go. We should probably just give up now.

Jana Shelfer: 7:35

And when he said that I'm like well, that's dumb, that's the stupidest thing you've ever said, that is the dumbest thing. We've worked so hard. Why you keep saying stupid stuff? Why would we do that? And you're like I understand, like nothing's going right. I think it's the universe's way of just saying we've gone as far as we can go.

Jason Shelfer: 7:54

I think we just hit our last failure. It's time to quit.

Jana Shelfer: 7:58

When you catastrophized it like that, it became funny.

Jason Shelfer: 8:03

It's one of those. I think what it does is it puts a little skip in the record. It does Because what happens is we start telling ourselves these little crazy, we start making up this make-believe world in our head of why I need to be mad, why things are going wrong, why things are against me, and then we need someone to put the skip in the record and let us put it on reverse. And let us put it on reverse. You know, it's like.

Jana Shelfer: 8:27

And then, once you hear someone else catastrophizing the situation, it's almost like you become a viewer of a movie.

Jason Shelfer: 8:37

Yeah, you're allowed to get objective for a moment, because as soon as, like when we were in the car and you said we should just rage about this, you know I was like that sounds so stupid and it wasn't anything about and you, you didn't mean it to be a smart thing like it wasn't like a we could get, and it was so smart because it it was what I needed to hear to make that record stop in my head honestly, it was opposite of how I would normally react.

Jana Shelfer: 9:06

Normally i'd'd be like, oh honey, your, you know your energy's contagious.

Jason Shelfer: 9:16

Normally it's hey, can you like? Your energy is contagious. I'm feeling it, Tater's feeling, the dog's feeling it. The whole energy in the car is horrible right now, which would make me go. You know what this is, because you're not understanding where I am right now and you should be feeling this too, but instead you were like we should freaking rage.

Jana Shelfer: 9:33

I think I used the word butt rage, which is which is now my new favorite word. He's, he's constantly saying this and it's rubbed off on me. I'm like we should just butt rage about this.

Jason Shelfer: 9:43

Yeah, which is just like when you, just when you, like people, say I'm butt hurt, like, or why are you so butthurt about that? It's because you know what, like, I'm going to get, but rage about this because this is wrecking my world, and it's not so many things we say wrecks our world on it, like we just we were catastrophizing in our own mind. And when someone jumps on that bandwagon, yeah, oftentimes we will say wait a minute, it's not that bad Okay.

Jana Shelfer: 10:13

So just to recap, this little technique, this tool will deflate a situation so fast and it will also bring in humor, and here's why, when we are in, okay this, is a crazy analogy.

Jason Shelfer: 10:28

I would say this in healthy individuals, yes, this will work. We're not shrinks, we're not therapists, we're not psychiatrists or anything, but what we're saying is what works for us and what we've seen work for friends of ours.

Jana Shelfer: 10:41

So here's the analogy when you're in the water bottle, you can't read the label. However, when someone else reads the label for you, it allows you to get outside the water bottle, and I know that's a crazy analogy, but what it does is it brings compassion to the situation and it allows you to get outside of your feelings and become objective, which is the word you use.

Jason Shelfer: 11:11

Okay, let's quit hugging this feeling for a moment.

Jana Shelfer: 11:14

Yes.

Jason Shelfer: 11:15

And let's get out and observe it, Because really that's what feelings are there for. They're for to kind of lead you, to help guide you in your next move. And if you're holding on to anger, if you're holding on to fear, if you're holding on to all those things so tightly, it's going to navigate you in a very disempowering and unhealthy direction.

Jana Shelfer: 11:36

And when we both have learned that we can actually control. Not that I don't want people to avoid their emotions, don't get me wrong, but we do have choices. We do have choices in how we react.

Jason Shelfer: 11:50

It's process. Process the feeling.

Jana Shelfer: 11:52

Process it and transmute it. Transmute it, into which we always go. Our go-to is humor. We process feelings by going to humor and when we do that, it lifts our state. This has been, thank you, very helpful to me.

Jason Shelfer: 12:09

Why don't we butt rage about it? Thanks for joining us Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer: 12:15

Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.