Emotional Chain Reactions

Emotional Chain Reactions: Tame Your Triggers and Find Your Freedom (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Ever feel like a small frustration can spiral into a huge meltdown? 🤯 In this incredibly vulnerable Living Lucky® Podcast episode, Jason and Jana Banana share the scientific secret to taming your emotions—a six-second rule that changed everything for them.

This is a powerful self-help and personal development episode packed with "nuggets of wisdom" to help you get off the emotional rollercoaster:

• The Six-Second Rule: Discover the scientific fact that emotions are simply temporary chemical bursts in your brain. Learn how giving yourself just six seconds to process a feeling can stop a chain reaction before it starts.
• Stop Stacking Emotions: We expose the destructive habit of building "evidence logs"—collecting reasons to justify your feelings. Learn why this pattern, like bubble gum with juice pockets, creates unnecessary drama and how to interrupt it.
• A Real-Life Meltdown: Listen to Jana’s raw, personal story of how exhaustion, hunger, and stress led to an emotional outburst. More importantly, see how Jason's calm, non-judgmental response broke the chain and restored peace.
• Priming for Success: Understand how priming your mindset with positive beliefs creates a resilient baseline that helps you "let go" of negative emotions and not take them so personally.
• The Power of Grace: This episode is a compassionate reminder that you don't need to be perfect. The goal isn't to never feel angry or sad, but to recognize the feeling, give yourself grace, and choose your response instead of reacting automatically.

Ready to find freedom from emotional drama? Share this episode with your drama community😳. 

How to manage emotional triggers. What is the six-second rule for emotions? How to stop emotional stacking. Dealing with emotional outbursts. The science of emotions. How to improve emotional resilience. Overcoming anger and frustration. Self-care practices for emotional well-being. How to respond instead of react. How emotions affect relationships. What is the scientific definition of an emotion? How long does an emotion last in the brain? What is emotional stacking? How can I stop overreacting to small things? What is the difference between responding and reacting? How can I build emotional resilience? Why is it important to feel your emotions

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*Previously Recorded

Chapters

• 0:00 What Is an Emotion?
• 4:00 Building Evidence Logs
• 6:40 The Tallahassee Wing Night Drama
• 11:20 Breaking the Chain Reaction
• 15:30 Living Lucky Through Emotional Awareness

Transcript

Jana Shelfer: 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer: 0:14

Good morning. I'm Jana, I'm Jason.

Jana Shelfer: 0:17

And we are Living Lucky® you are too.

Jana Shelfer: 0:20

What is an emotion?

Jason Shelfer: 0:22

Put your seatbelts on is what it is, what is an emotion Put your seatbelts on is what it is.

Jana Shelfer: 0:27

The scientific research says an emotion is really just a burst of chemicals in our brain.

Jason Shelfer: 0:33

Yeah, and if you're our age, remember the freshen up bubble gum that had the little pockets of juice in it, so you'd bite into it and it would just burst out in your mouth.

Jana Shelfer: 0:42

Oh, I do remember those.

Jason Shelfer: 0:43

That's what an emotion is.

Jana Shelfer: 0:45

Oh, that's a good analogy.

Jason Shelfer: 0:47

This emotion just burst open in your mouth, and then it's gone. And then the flavor of the gum is gone too, and you're left with this just nasty gum. Oh my gosh, if you let it go. Otherwise, what happens is we tend to just keep packing in these pieces of gum until all seven pieces are gone.

Jana Shelfer: 1:06

Oh, that's a great analogy. That is a great analogy when you really dive into it. An emotion is just a burst of chemicals in our brain and it takes six seconds for that emotion For bodies to absorb it into our being. To absorb that, those chemicals, and when you think about that. So when something happens, if you don't react immediately, if you just let it absorb, Sim it down now. Then you realize, oh wait a minute, it's really not that big of a deal.

Jason Shelfer: 1:45

Right, we don't have to. Then it allows us that room for response instead of reaction.

Jana Shelfer: 1:50

How come nobody's ever taught me this before?

Jason Shelfer: 1:53

Well, I think a lot of times what happens is is we build these reactions and we start thinking that we're responding and it's just a reaction.

Jana Shelfer: 2:03

I mean we had this last night. I didn't mean to cut you off, no, it's just a reaction and there's a. I mean we had this last night. I didn't mean to cut you off, it's all right. But so last night Jason and I were in bed and all of a sudden the fire alarm goes off.

Jason Shelfer: 2:12

Oh yeah.

Jana Shelfer: 2:14

And Jason's response, he jumped.

Jason Shelfer: 2:17

I thought I flew out of the room. It was like Superman.

Jana Shelfer: 2:20

Anything. I started worrying. Okay, how am I going to get the dog out? I got to get out of bed, so I'm trying to like transfer out of bed.

Jason Shelfer: 2:28

I'm like where's the danger?

Jana Shelfer: 2:29

Right. And then immediately my brain starts going to did I leave my glue gun on? Did I leave my heating blanket on? Did I leave my curling iron on? It was immediately what did I do wrong? I immediately went into that.

Jason Shelfer: 2:48

It was a very weird scenario. I probably still need to investigate what happened there. Just FYI now that you brought it up, because I totally let it go and forgot about it.

Jana Shelfer: 2:59

Yeah, so just so you know, it turns out it was nothing and the fire alarm actually went off within maybe 10 seconds.

Jason Shelfer: 3:08

Yeah, five to 10 seconds. Just like an emotion. It was Just like an emotion, but our response. We could have just laid there and let it happen.

Jana Shelfer: 3:16

But we reacted, but we reacted went off the handle and then I mean literally. I went into this self-doubting self oh my gosh, what did I do wrong? That's the immediate thought that I had.

Jason Shelfer: 3:29

The other part of that is we spent the next 30 minutes searching all over the house to see okay, is there smoke? Are any of the walls hot? Any of these things? Yes, the next 30, 30, 35 minutes walking around out of our normal routine, out of the things that we wanted to be doing with our lives, out of the productive areas of what needed to be happening, searching for what caused that emotion or that fire alarm.

Jana Shelfer: 4:00

Okay, so let's put this into practical purposes. When a little kid has an emotion, they usually have some sort of outburst. They have like a tantrum, they have some sort of emotional response and then they let it go. But adults, as we grow up, we learn to not only hold it in, but then we start building on it. It's almost like this tree that now we build a branch and we start telling ourselves stories which cause other emotions.

Jason Shelfer: 4:35

Yeah, we build an evidence log. It's like Captain's Log. This is why it's true, why I have proof of the emotion being valid instead of it just being okay. There's something that has triggered this chemical response in my brain to release these chemicals into my body, to make me feel this certain way. And then so now I have proof, so that I have reason to feel this way, yes, to feel this way. And now I'm going to dump this evidence, this proof bag, on somebody or something and we just exacerbate a situation that really, most of the time, doesn't need to be exacerbated.

Jana Shelfer: 5:12

So I just I mean, I learned this and I wanted to share it with everybody, because when you literally put it into words that an emotion is a six second response of chemicals in your body, it kind of helps you realize okay, wait a minute, maybe I just need to take a deep breath and Feel it, Feel it. I think feeling your emotions is very important.

Jason Shelfer: 5:43

I believe that, yeah, don't ignore them. I definitely believe that.

Jana Shelfer: 6:04

That's what I did for years Ignore you down a dark path, or it can. It can take you down a dark path. Are you with me here?

Jason Shelfer: 6:12

Yeah, and how often do we jump to the conclusion that they're out to get me or I'm not enough?

Jana Shelfer: 6:18

Or I've done something bad.

Jason Shelfer: 6:20

Yes.

Jana Shelfer: 6:22

Or I mean yes, there's so many. I mean I can think of a million scenarios, right?

Jason Shelfer: 6:28

now, and they're literally just fabrications that we've made up in our minds. And then we start looking for ways to support that narrative.

Jana Shelfer: 6:36

It's a chain reaction and we all have our own little stories and dramas and patterns that we live out. And when you become aware of all this, it is so life-changing because, okay, let me just tell you, Saturday night we were in Tallahassee and we had been partying with our friends and having fun Staying up too late the night before Eating foods that we normally don't eat.

Jana Shelfer: 7:12

It was game weekend foods. It was game weekend and we gave ourselves permission to just enjoy this weekend. Well, I'm going to tell you. Everyone wanted to go have wings. I hate wings.

Jason Shelfer: 7:25

I had been waiting a week and a half to have wings because they'd been on my reticular activating system and I haven't had wings in probably two or three years.

Jana Shelfer: 7:32

It was 7 pm past my bedtime Past my bedtime. And everyone was like no, come on, jenna, let's go, let's go, don't be a party pooper. I wasn't dressed to go, I didn't really have my makeup done and they're like nope, car's leaving now, let's go. And so I, just to appease everyone, make everyone happy, be part of the group.

Jason Shelfer: 7:53

I'm like okay, you had even said, like all the way up to this, you know what, go, have fun with your friends.

Jana Shelfer: 7:58

I said just go without me, I'll go to bed, I'm going to stay here with the dog.

Jason Shelfer: 8:03

We're going to have a great night by ourselves. Go enjoy your friends you haven't seen in the last 20 years. Yeah.

Jana Shelfer: 8:08

I mean, I said that to everyone there and no, they were like no, no, jana, you're coming with us, we're not going if you're not going. So next thing, you know, I'm in the car and I'm going to this bar and then someone gives me another drink and I'm like, okay, great. And then they go to seat us at this table and it's like a booth.

Jason Shelfer: 8:29

It's a booth for like 20.

Jana Shelfer: 8:31

Eight or 10 people, and so the only place for me to sit was on the very, very end End traffic. And people kept bumping me as they were going by. I couldn't hear anything. I had no idea what the conversation was. I literally felt I'm like what am I even doing here? I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go. And Jason was like we can't go. I haven't had my wings yet. So then this girl comes in from.

Jason Shelfer: 9:01

My high school.

Jana Shelfer: 9:02

Your high school, like you guys went to school together. You haven't seen each other in 30 years and she's dressed like a hussy.

Jason Shelfer: 9:10

I'm just going to say sorry, she's dressed like a game day, like almost like a game day, college student and now, all of a sudden, my husband is like really into this conversation and they're standing up.

Jana Shelfer: 9:25

So I can't hear any of it and I again feel like I'm just out of the loop here and so I say you know what? I'm just going to go sit outside. So I go sit outside and the next thing, you know, I'm like talking to some losers.

Jason Shelfer: 9:42

I've been out here for two days with the bums. Why won't anyone come get me?

Jana Shelfer: 9:52

And I'm outside waiting, waiting, waiting. It felt like I was out there forever. Again, I was tired Alcohol. Alcohol I was, I mean it, just it felt like I was tired. Alcohol I was, I mean it, just it felt like I was going. I was just in a bad state.

Jason Shelfer: 10:09

Yes, so that's part of what I wanted to talk about was the state.

Jana Shelfer: 10:13

Yes, and I here's. The thing, though, is I kept everything that kept happening. I kept building.

Jason Shelfer: 10:21

You were stacking.

Jana Shelfer: 10:22

I was stacking these chemical responses that were happening throughout the night. I kept stacking, stacking, stacking to the point where, when Jason finally came out, I unleashed.

Jason Shelfer: 10:36

I had a tantrum. That is the basic norm, especially if we're tired, if we're inebriated. Yes, even just altered, so it doesn't have to be inebriated because you really weren't. I mean, you weren't that inebriated, no, but we had been going all day long We'd been going all week, because we got up there Wednesday this was now Friday we had skied, we had done all these things, we'd gotten house ready, and then we were eating crap, and then you hadn't really eaten at all.

Jana Shelfer: 11:08

Not that we're trying to justify it. What I'm trying to say is I had a blow up response. Now here's where we won't even dive into my whole drama here. What I thought was so incredible about my husband is he just let me have it, Not let me have it, in that he like what are his days? Alice. He just calmly said I allowed it. Let's get in the car, let's drive home and just vent it yeah let it out, let out what you're feeling, just let it out.

Jason Shelfer: 11:48

I can see you're feeling things because I know and we know these things.

Jana Shelfer: 11:52

So literally, we had a five-minute drive and I'm like a mess. I mean, I'm the drama wife. That's what's happening In that moment. In that moment, in that moment, and then once we got to the house, I said you know what? I'm really sorry, let's go to bed. Oh, I fell out of bed though that was the other thing that happened, but I literally once I realized, oh my gosh, I'm just living in drama to bring attention to myself. Really.

Jason Shelfer: 12:23

Well, you fell out of it, and this is what kids do too. I mean, when you feel out of it, you find a way to bring yourself into it.

Jana Shelfer: 12:30

Yes, and once I realized that we got into bed, we went to sleep and the next morning we were fine and I just give, I commend you for not and joining in that chain of reaction. Well, that's what and just allowing me to let it out which I admit I did not let it out in the most healthy response.

Jana Shelfer: 12:59

Well, and I've had those same things that I've done where you and usually when I'm not healthy with my emotions, there's usually an underlying cause Either I'm stressed out, either I have had some alcohol in me or we're hungry. Or I'm extremely hungry.

Jason Shelfer: 13:15

Angry. Yeah, I mean, those three things are always at the bottom of it all, and I think that's where we've talked a lot about priming.

Jana Shelfer: 13:26

Yes.

Jason Shelfer: 13:26

And I think that's where we'd say, okay, well, do you want to be Living Lucky®? We'll feel like that. Let's start with that feeling, let's prime ourselves in that I know that I'm lucky, I feel lucky. I had that thermostatic home. So when I have these feelings and emotions that are outside of that, I just get to let them happen.

Jana Shelfer: 13:47

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer: 13:48

And these feelings and emotions that are outside of that, I just get to let them happen. Yeah, and then I get to explore them, to get curious, yes, and then I don't have to react in them, then I just go. Okay, so that happened.

Jana Shelfer: 13:58

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer: 13:58

What is it teaching me? What is it telling me?

Jana Shelfer: 14:00

What kind of guardrails is that bouncing me off of? You did a fantastic job of that.

Jason Shelfer: 14:06

Well, I think it's because on our drive up we had probably a 30, 40 minute conversation about just our true belief, about how fortunate we feel and how we believe I truly believe I'm the luckiest man on the planet.

Jana Shelfer: 14:21

I believe that too. I believe you're the luckiest man on the planet because you're married to me. That's right, I'm kidding.

Jason Shelfer: 14:27

And so when something pops up that is contrary to that or someone treats me differently, or just something happens that is like, oh, that wouldn't happen to the luckiest man on the planet. Then I just get to go, okay, well, okay, what did that pull up in me? What are we learning here? What is that emotional response that just happened in my body?

Jana Shelfer: 14:48

What is that emotional response that just happened in my body? What is that chemical just released? So, to wrap this all up, I just want to share, even though it's in my drama, that an emotion is just a six-second chemical response in our brain. Brain and how we process that will determine everything about what you're experiencing in life.

Jason Shelfer: 15:14

Yes.

Jana Shelfer: 15:23

And again I did not handle my emotions well. However, you stopped the chain reaction by just allowing me to have my little tantrum and then, once we got into bed, it was all back to normal.

Jason Shelfer: 15:33

Well, I'm glad that you brought them out, because if you didn't let them out, they would have grown overnight. They would have built until the next day. Yes.

Jana Shelfer: 15:41

I would have been like, just like last night, you didn't include me.

Jason Shelfer: 15:47

Then you wake up in the morning feeling unheard. Then there's probably silent treatment all morning.

Jana Shelfer: 15:56

Okay, we're just playing into hypotheticals here. The fact is, I did not handle my emotions very maturely. However, the fact that you did, I think that's where I want to put the emphasis.

Jason Shelfer: 16:11

That's 10 years of us working on it together, so thank you.

Jana Shelfer: 16:15

Yes, and then I also just want to share with people that an emotion is just a six second response, and once we realize that we don't take it so personally.

Jason Shelfer: 16:26

Right. So give yourself a little grace, give yourself a little break when you feel it, to just say, okay, if I just take a moment here, take my moment, I can feel this, recognize it, and then I start getting curious about it. You don't have to react in it. Thanks for joining us Keep Living Lucky®, bye-bye in it.

Jana Shelfer: 16:52

Thanks for joining us. Keep Living Lucky®. Bye-bye, if the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to