Feeling Tired: Break the Exhaustion Cycle

Feeling Tired? Break the Exhaustion Cycle: Reclaim Your Energy by Letting Go of Control (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Ever feel utterly drained despite ample sleep and a healthy lifestyle? On this eye-opening Living Lucky® Podcastepisode, Jason and Jana Banana expose the surprising truth behind chronic exhaustion that has nothing to do with physical fatigue.

Inspired by Mel Robbins' groundbreaking insights, we dive deep into how pervasive exhaustion often stems from an insidious source: trying to control everything and everyone around us. When we constantly worry about others' feelings, reactions, or perceptions, we unknowingly shoulder an enormous energetic burden. The revelation? Most times you say "I'm exhausted," it's not your body that's tired—it's your mind and spirit depleted from carrying responsibilities that were never yours to bear.

Through vulnerable personal stories, including Jana's candid account of a challenging airplane experience with a disability, we illuminate how this need for control manifests in our lives and relationships. We expose the societal conditioning that teaches us to prioritize others' comfort over our authentic expression, and why focusing on the small percentage of unhappy people drains us completely. Learn to identify "decision fatigue" and break free from "bullshit rules" that equate caring with constant worrying.

Most importantly, we share practical self-help strategies on reclaiming your personal power by letting go of what you cannot control. This conversation offers a powerful perspective shift that could fundamentally change your energy levels, combat anxiety, and transform your mindset. Join us in learning how to "let them be them" so you can finally "let you be you." Your authentic, energetic self is waiting to emerge!

Why am I exhausted all the time? Mel Robbins on exhaustion and control. How to stop trying to control everything? Reclaim your energy from emotional drain. Coping with anxiety from lack of control. Personal development for letting go. How to be your authentic self without worry. Understanding the difference between physical and emotional exhaustion. Self-help tips for releasing control. Breaking free from decision fatigue. What causes exhaustion besides lack of sleep? Why do I feel so tired mentally? How to stop worrying about what others think? What does Mel Robb

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*Previously Recorded

Transcript

Intro: Creating a Life You Crave

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:15

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer 0:16

I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are living, lucky you are too, I hate to admit this, but I'm going to just be transparent. I often use the words I am so exhausted, and when we say I mean I know that when I say I am and whatever follows. I am is what I am right, so you would think that I would maybe trick my body and use different words.

Jason Shelfer 0:43

I am rebuilding my energy.

Jana Shelfer 0:44

But the truth in my soul is many times I find myself that word yeah, and I just realized because I was listening to a podcast from the great Mel Robbins, who we just absolutely love, and she mentioned that the reason people find themselves exhausted because it's not always physical exhaustion, sometimes it literally is mental, emotional, spiritual, sometimes socially exhausted.

Jason Shelfer 1:19

I would say almost most of the time it is not a physical exhaustion. It's one or the other.

Jana Shelfer 1:34

But it kind of manifests in the physical form, but it's deeper than that, right.

The Real Source of Exhaustion

Jason Shelfer 1:36

Because I'm very healthy and I eat well. Because of the emotional, the mental, all the other exhaustions, then you tell yourself I don't have the motivation or energy to go do anything physical.

Jana Shelfer 1:47

Listen to this, because here's the hack. Mel Robbins says the reason you're feeling exhausted is because you are trying to control everyone around you, every circumstance around you. You are trying to control and carry the burden of other people and your environment.

Jason Shelfer 2:10

Yeah, and that was a huge thing for me A-ha moment, yeah, like. I got goosebumps when she said it's not your responsibility to worry about how someone feels, how they react, how they are healing or whether they ever heal, whether they grow, whether they want to grow. It's like you get to take all your power back when you just act in your power and don't succumb to other people's energetic flows. We get to control the way we respond to control the way we respond.

Jana Shelfer 2:48

I understand what you're saying and I understand that this is really my I don't want to say life hurdle, but once I figure this out and really it's like I understand it, but implementing it is a little bit different because I am very susceptible to other people's energies.

Jason Shelfer 3:04

I think we all are and I think we're trained that way from our just time in school, when we work within an environment of being accepted, being in a group.

Jana Shelfer 3:17

And it's almost like sometimes I play chess and I'm three moves ahead when I am around people, because I know that if I act a certain way or if I say a certain thing, I know what triggers other people.

Jason Shelfer 3:32

And also we teach people how to treat us.

Jana Shelfer 3:35

And so it's almost like sometimes it's a tiptoe, and I hate to admit that because it is exhausting. It is exhausting. Yeah, so, so however, I also feel that my past experiences have led me down other routes and I know the the result and I have learned from those experiences. Okay, what can I do to prevent that? Right how can I be proactive? How do I?

Jason Shelfer 4:08

protect myself from these situations, yeah, and the circumstance.

Jana Shelfer 4:13

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 4:14

I completely. I think everyone can relate to this and it's figuring out okay, how do I just own it, own my power and not worry about these other things, because we also don't do anything alone. So that's the, I think, the flip side of that coin.

Jana Shelfer 4:31

No, OK, here's something because I just want to personalize this even more. I got diarrhea on the plane ride home Fun.

Jana Shelfer 4:43

No, no, it's not fun.

Jason Shelfer 4:45

Oh wait, my bad.

Jana Shelfer 4:45

That's not fun, and here's the thing.

Jana Shelfer 4:49

I'm a paraplegic and I'm in this seat. I was more concerned about everyone around me that, like it really felt like I was. I didn't want to bother, I didn't want you know, because I had to have someone carry me to this toilet that is too, small for anyone to get into.

Jana Shelfer 5:16

In the meantime, I'm trying to do my best to much less to have someone carry everything together and carry me over, people basically where I'm like, oh my god, don't let anything fall out of me and sorry. And in the meantime I was worried. You know like I was worried, I didn't want anything to smell or yeah yeah, be like no slippage, no slippage here.

Jana Shelfer 5:41

I was more worried about everyone around me and how everyone would perceive this, and the fact that I was wearing a USA Hall of Fame jacket. I'm thinking, oh my gosh, like this isn't representing the Olympics and like, and it's just a human thing right, it is a human thing.

Jana Shelfer 6:01

And for some reason though, everything that went through my mind and the emotions I was feeling, and not only for myself, I was feeling it for everyone around me. I was feeling it for you. I was like oh, I don't want to embarrass my husband, I don't want to inconvenience the flight attendants.

Jason Shelfer 6:23

First of all, we've been together for 20 years.

Jana Shelfer 6:27

Yeah, I know we're stuck.

Jason Shelfer 6:30

You're stuck with me, Shelfer, you're not going to embarrass me, and I will never be embarrassed about something that is just going to happen.

Jana Shelfer 6:38

But isn't that weird how we I mean many times I don't even like to fly because I feel out of control. That is the connection that I have not been able to say out loud. People are like why do you guys drive everywhere? Because I feel more in control. I feel like I can control when we stop, I can control when we eat. I can control when we have to go to the bathroom.

Control Issues During Travel

Jason Shelfer 7:01

If we look at the trip to Colorado Springs, we got on a plane. We left at nine o'clock in the morning. We got in after midnight in Colorado, so that would have been two o'clock in the morning, east Coast time. We almost could have driven Like it would have been two days of driving, but we would have had less stress because we had a seven hour kind of what's happening in the world now.

Jana Shelfer 7:31

We ended up in New Mexico Right Because the Denver airport was closed.

Jason Shelfer 7:36

And then, when we got back to Denver, there was this whole game of we were probably not going to get you on a flight. You're on standby, but there's only one seat. There's all these things that are being thrown out there that are so much uncertainty.

Jana Shelfer 7:50

Yes, and also, along with that, which I don't want to complicate this topic anymore, but with that is, I start getting decision fatigue and I really start you know, start wanting to make the best decision to not only affect us but those around us, like the people who were waiting at the airport for us, the people who were making the logistics, yeah, working to make all this happen. And then to let my. I knew my family was going to be there, so to let them know everything that's happening. It's exhausting to me.

Jana Shelfer 8:29

And I know that Mel.

Jana Shelfer 8:30

Robbins would say you got to let go of all that.

Jason Shelfer 8:34

Just go through the universe and be in your power, which is very it's easier to say than it is to do.

Jana Shelfer 8:43

Yeah, it's easier to say than it is to do.

Jana Shelfer 8:44

Yeah, because I often so I sit in that airplane and I literally have every meditation technique. I have taken a decade of life coaching certifications. I know the tools and I sit there and I in my head I'm like let it go, let it go. And I'm singing my little song, I'm doing some havening exercises, I I'm literally like doing everything I know and yet, when it all comes down to it, I hate flying to the point where I am literally out of energy today, two days after the flight.

Jason Shelfer 9:28

Two days after and I get it, I get it. And I think this is where people are saying, okay, well, what is the solution? And I think it's just, it's recognizing where, because I sit in my I would say that I sit in my power most of the time, most of the time.

Jana Shelfer 9:48

You're pretty good at that, but you're also.

Jason Shelfer 9:51

Your power is a happy-go-lucky power, like that's where you and I'm not going to let someone ruin it.

Jana Shelfer 9:57

You take power in just being the Teflon. Nothing bothers me, I love feeling good.

Jason Shelfer 10:04

I love chasing goosebumps, I love making other people feel good, like it's a and it's not my job to make other people feel good. So if they choose not to, I'm like okay. Next, you know, because that makes like it's weird and I'm like well, why doesn't it bother me that I wasn't able to make this person smile?

Jana Shelfer 10:24

That makes me love you all the more Like you just gave me goosebumps when you said chase your goosebumps.

Jason Shelfer 10:31

But also I can relate to the exhaustion, because it's those things like the airplane ride or like cause I get anxiety and stressed out in travel when I don't have the control over those situations and I don't have to.

Jana Shelfer 10:47

And I also.

Jason Shelfer 10:48

Like I snapped at you a couple of times I remember. I don't remember what it was about, but I remember that feeling and it was because I was tired, because I was stressed out, because I had this inner working of just crap going on.

Jana Shelfer 11:05

And oh yes.

Jason Shelfer 11:10

And so that changed the way I reacted to life and the way I reacted to you.

Jana Shelfer 11:15

To realize that what's causing that, like the root of all that is. I don't like not being in control.

Jason Shelfer 11:24

Right, I don't like not being in control, right? So it's picking the things that we are in control of, which is our thoughts, like the story that we're telling ourselves about what's happening, and then Our feelings yeah, our feelings and our energy.

The Cost of Making Everyone Happy

Jana Shelfer 11:41

I do feel that we can control our energy.

Jason Shelfer 11:43

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 11:44

However, many times we let our outside circumstances.

Jason Shelfer 11:49

We don't get to. There's a big leak in the energy. If you're trying to control things that are outside of your control, yes, so you're just, you're burning too much fuel trying to control something that's not controllable. Yes, yes, that was my whole kind of like. Last five years of my work experience was trying spending so much energy trying to change the outside world instead of trying to change me.

Jana Shelfer 12:16

Yes, but I guess, like with the diarrhea on the plane, I was trying to control me.

Jason Shelfer 12:22

Right.

Jana Shelfer 12:22

And I just didn't want it to seep out.

Jason Shelfer 12:27

That's a terrible word, it's not I think when people think about diarrhea, they think of seeping or explosions.

Jana Shelfer 12:35

So terrible.

Jason Shelfer 12:37

And I think you did a great job of controlling you in areas that sometimes aren't really controllable. Does that make sense.

Jana Shelfer 12:46

Yeah, and I did. I mean, I did.

Jason Shelfer 12:49

All things considered.

Jana Shelfer 12:51

I did go back to my seat and I was like you know what, I'm not going to cry.

Jason Shelfer 12:57

I'm not going to get all in a tizzy Because you don't like being carried from the seat on the airplane to the bathroom.

Jana Shelfer 13:02

It's not a comfortable trip. It's not, and we don't fit.

Jason Shelfer 13:05

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 13:05

We don't really fit through the, so it's almost like I have to throw you in the door which is weird Like it's. It freaks me out, throwing you into a bathroom and during that throw there's a little you know, and I'm like, oh no, and you gotta stick the landing.

Jason Shelfer 13:20

Oh no, you gotta stink the landing.

Jana Shelfer 13:26

Stop, and that's just the first trip to the bathroom. Then, once you go two and three times, then everyone on the plane is like, oh, that girl's got diarrhea.

Jason Shelfer 13:33

Oh, I know what's going on there.

Jana Shelfer 13:34

Yep Whoa, and she can't even walk to the toilet. That's a problem.

Jason Shelfer 13:39

You would think they would try to fix that problem instead of just letting it happen.

Jana Shelfer 13:46

I guess there's not enough people.

Jason Shelfer 13:47

Paraplegics with diarrhea on planes.

Jana Shelfer 13:48

So I guess, though, when I was listening to Miss Mel Robbins, the wise Mel Robbins, she made me understand that I am trying to control everyone around me, and trying to control you know, my mom, growing up, used to always say I just want everybody to have a good time. I just want everyone to be happy, and that's her trying to control everyone around her.

Jason Shelfer 14:15

And how often do we try to make everyone happy and then we've got like 90% or 95% of everyone happy, and there's that 5% or 10%. That's just like I'm not here to have a good time. And there's that 5% or 10%, that's just like I'm not here to have a good time.

Jason Shelfer 14:29

I'm not here to be happy. And then we focus on that and then we pour extra energy into them, which kind of takes away from some of the happiness that the other 90% to 95% are having and drains us almost completely, because they've already made up their mind they're not going to be happy.

Jana Shelfer 14:43

And I know we're getting a little long-winded, but it just goes back to the whole weekend. You know, I spoke at this Hall of Fame induction ceremony and the whole time when I was speaking, which I think I did a really great job.

Jason Shelfer 14:58

I did my best. I thought you did an amazing job.

Letting Go and Living Authentically

Jana Shelfer 15:00

However, I left more concerned about what did the team think? What did the audience think, what did my family think? What did the coaches think? I was trying to control how everyone reacted.

Jason Shelfer 15:19

And you just. But your speech was so authentic and so real that I think people had to feel it.

Jana Shelfer 15:27

So I just need to live in that power.

Jason Shelfer 15:30

I think that's the key that Mel is saying is like just recognize that when you are authentic and when you are real, let them do what they're going to do. And when you're authentic and real, you kind of are nourishing your power and it gives you this like more energy once you start gaining that momentum.

Jana Shelfer 15:51

Yeah, I think it's harder to do, though, to let go of what everyone else is thinking and feeling. There's something inside me that that was taught, that that's being compassionate, that's being caring, was taught. That that's being compassionate, that's being caring, that's being loving, is to worry about how everyone else is experiencing life experiencing life.

Jason Shelfer 16:15

Yeah so my life experiences of me worrying about everyone else and how they're experiencing that's a limiting belief right there that's one of what bisham would call a bullshit rule. Bishan's from Mindvalley and he has these brules that are bullshit rules. I'm sure we've got a podcast in the back somewhere about those.

Jana Shelfer 16:33

So I guess Mel's advice is let them, which is the title of her book.

Jason Shelfer 16:39

Let them let them, let them be them, and on the reverse side, that allows me to let me be me.

Jana Shelfer 16:44

Oh my gosh. Okay, thanks for listening.

Jason Shelfer 16:47

Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer 16:48

Bye-bye.

Jana Shelfer 16:51

If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.