Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana

Escape the Gossip Trap

• Jana and Jason Shelfer • Season 8 • Episode 72

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Escape the Gossip Trap: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Life

Drained by negativity and gossip? Unlock your greatest potential by transforming your conversations!

Join Jason and Jana Banana on the Living Lucky® Podcast as we reveal the game-changing power of dialogue focused on ideas, growth, dreams, and goals – not people. Learn to escape "gossip traps" and "doom loops" that fuel limiting beliefs and drain your energy.

Discover how positive thinking and growth-oriented dialogue, like healthy competition, revolutionize your mindset. Your conversation choices are the most underestimated factor in shaping your reality.

Ready to reclaim your power? Tune in for actionable self-help strategies to cultivate empowering interactions. Shift from "doom loops" to success cycles and Live Lucky®!

Here’s what you’ll discover:

  • The Power of Your Table: How conversations directly impact your energy and potential.
  • Gossip Traps & Doom Loops: Identify and escape cycles of negativity.
  • Ideas Over People: Why focusing on growth and goals elevates your mindset.
  • Healthy Competition: Leveraging competitive environments for collective upliftment.
  • Vulnerability vs. Weaponization: Using awareness of weaknesses for support, not judgment.
  • Mindset Shift: Strategies to cultivate positive, empowering conversational habits.
  • Conscious Creation: Choosing conversations as a tool for a Living Lucky® life.

Key Nuggets: Conversational energy is everything. Choose ideas, not people. Embrace growth mindset. Escape gossip. Empower your interactions. Your choice shapes reality.

How to escape gossip at work? How to have more positive conversations? The impact of negative conversations on energy. Strategies for personal growth through dialogue. How to stop gossiping? Cultivating a growth mindset in conversations. What are "doom loops" in personal development? The power of focusing on ideas vs. people. Building supportive relationships through communication. Improving communication for self-improvement. How do conversations affect my energy? How can I break free from negative conversational patterns? How does acknowledging weaknesses differ from weaponizing them? What are 'doom loops' and 'success cycles'?

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Jana Shelfer:

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning. I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky®. You are too, Read us the quote Jason.

Jason Shelfer:

The quote is sit at a table where they speak about ideas, growth, dreams and goals, not people.

Jana Shelfer:

Okay, I'm going to add something real quickly that I have noticed. When you are around people who are competing, they tend to talk about their goals, their dreams and how they can become the best versions of themselves. It is part of an athlete.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah, it's part of their chemical makeup Because it's so important to the path that they're on.

Jana Shelfer:

And I have never connected the dot on this, but I do think that that is one reason why I love to compete so much. It is people wanting to become the best versions of themselves, and even though there's that word competition or competitiveness, I feel like people. When they reach a certain consciousness, they learn how to use competition to help each other become better.

Jason Shelfer:

It's using competition to facilitate growth instead of a way of stepping on someone to propel yourself forward.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, whereas sometimes, when I was younger, the word competition could have yeah, it's like slash their tires. So I can Could have been more of a ranking moment.

Jason Shelfer:

Do you know what I'm saying?

Jana Shelfer:

It's only about the number, it's like a way of saying I beat you. It's like and this is one thing I'm better than you. That.

Jason Shelfer:

I love about skiing because a lot of talk is around personal best.

Jana Shelfer:

Like this was my personal best.

Jason Shelfer:

This is everyone's like. How can I be better today than I was yesterday? That's so big.

Jana Shelfer:

So when Jason read this quote, it just hit me like a ton of bricks because I feel and I don't want to put down any social groups that I'm in or even my former work environment but I sometimes feel like it's human nature to bond over things gossip. Does that make sense? Yes, I've been invited to so many bunco groups and I'm just going to be real with you. When you go to play bunco, the first thing out of people's mouths is they start bonding about how shitty their marriages are, how they can't lose weight.

Jason Shelfer:

Open up a bigger bottle of wine.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah, they start talking about how their kids don't behave and their life is just.

Jason Shelfer:

I just need some peace and quiet. So I come here to gossip.

Jana Shelfer:

Crappy shithole.

Jason Shelfer:

Do you know what I'm talking about? So, yes, that is an extreme example, but I so. Even in like church groups, like men's groups and things like that, I hear a lot of talk and the goal is to talk about our dreams, our ideas, our goal, like growth, all these things even and I hear, like I can hear the, the vernacular and the words being used of oh, this person does, does this like this? I this, it bothers me about these people or this group.

Jana Shelfer:

It's a slippery slope, but it goes there very quickly and very easily. Jason and I have facilitated many, many hours and hours and hours of conversations on Clubhouse, and that's a place where you can't see people's faces, so for some reason, people would come on, they would join our Clubhouse room and they would literally open their hearts and pour out their most intimate thoughts. When they start pouring out their most intimate thoughts, they start falling into victimhood very, very quickly.

Jason Shelfer:

And I think a lot of that falls around. There's a shadow behind why we haven't quite like, why we haven't achieved what we want to achieve so far, or why we may not be in the exact spot in our lifetime line that we thought we would be at a specific age. And so there's this cool, cold shadow behind all this talk that creates almost excuses or like quote unquote, reasons why. And so we look outside for reasons why. Yes, we also look outside sometimes for reasons why to do something. So when we're sitting around this table of people that are talking about their ideas, growth, dreams and goals, then we can start like unpacking what resonates with our soul and those people, if that's their common language and it's not skewing outside to the talking of like negatively about people and about their goals.

Jana Shelfer:

They're bonding in an uplifting manner and it's a yes and manner.

Jason Shelfer:

It's very what's the comedy that we did? It's improv, Improv, thank you. It's very improv in a growth mentality.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, because they start living into possibilities.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes, oh, that makes me feel so good.

Jana Shelfer:

And it becomes contagious.

Jason Shelfer:

And they're like yes, do what feels right, do what feels good, so good, and it becomes contagious. And they're like yes, do what feels right, do what feels good for you. And how can we help you get there? How can we help you hit your personal best today or tomorrow?

Jana Shelfer:

Okay, so let's just let's kind of ground this conversation a little bit. Jason and I have been at ski competitions for the last three weekends in a row and what we have noticed because there's a lot of downtime in ski competitions you literally have your pass and then you wait for six hours.

Jason Shelfer:

Your pass is 40 seconds, and then you wait for six hours.

Jana Shelfer:

So you sit on the sidelines under a tent while you're and you talk to people Just networking, talking to people and Watching. Letting the time go by. So there's a lot of conversations to be had. We've probably had hundreds of conversations in the last three weeks. Now, one thing that we have noticed as we were going over this quote is what's so interesting at a competitive environment like this is that people often start talking about how great the skier is. They talk about how well they came around that turn. They talk about their strengths.

Jason Shelfer:

How disciplined they are in their training. They talk about their regimens when they go training, like who they train with, like all these positive things they're natural gifts. Yes.

Jana Shelfer:

They're discipline, they're consistency.

Jason Shelfer:

how long they've been doing it Like they, it really starts coming out really positive conversation and it astounds me looking back, because when you're in the middle of it, sometimes it doesn't hit you and it doesn't like you don't? You don't have the awareness of it while it's happening, Because while we were sitting there I didn't, I didn't have the awareness of, wow, this conversation, Like I feel so good, I feel so, like I feel energized. Um, you don't have the awareness of the lack of negativity.

Jana Shelfer:

Right, but you feel it Like when we came home. We have been feeling so inspired.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes, I want to start skiing.

Jana Shelfer:

Jason's ready to start slaloming and tricking.

Jason Shelfer:

And tricking, yes, and possibly jumping.

Jana Shelfer:

Oh, I know, but I don't know about that.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes and it. Okay, I will try to yes and it so this is just a possibility, like it's, because I was so inspired, like there was so many people that were in your corner even when you weren't skiing, and that's a.

Jana Shelfer:

Whereas let's just compare this to when we would come home from. Let's just, let's just go back to our corporate days, when we worked in a cubicle and in an office. And you would go to the water cooler. And, yeah, you would spend all day and it was fun don't get me wrong at times. But then we would come home and we would say, oh, you're never going to believe what happened to me today.

Jason Shelfer:

You're such a dick. You know why can't so-and-so get to work on time? She's always late, Always late.

Jana Shelfer:

Everyone else can get on time. We all get paid the same amount of money. That's right.

Jason Shelfer:

And there's all this you know and we don't know anything about the backstory of anybody else, isn't it?

Jana Shelfer:

interesting, though, how it often goes to the and I'm not saying every work environment is like that, and that happens in the office. It happens when we're sitting in traffic.

Jason Shelfer:

It happens in the car, it happens, in the home, it happens at dinner, unless you become aware of it, unless you become aware of it, and that's one thing like when I thought I was the most positive person in the world until I found myself just joining into the water cooler conversation. You know, I didn't realize how easy it is to just start sliding down the slope To be a chameleon.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah, just slide down the slope, jump right into that conversation, because you get in rapport with people and you become what everyone is around you, which is why you need to surround yourself with.

Jason Shelfer:

People that talk about their ideas, their growth, dreams and goals, not other people not other people.

Jana Shelfer:

And if they are talking about other people, let's talk about other people's skills that you admire their talents, their successes, their wins. Yes, things that you want to emulate.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah, all, just keep it positive. And this is this, just so you know is not toxic positivity. Everyone has something positive about them. So if we start looking for the positive, we can grow. That, yes, and that's. And so if you know that the group that you are typically in is talking positive, you know what?

Jana Shelfer:

let's address that because I feel like in the last month you've had a client of yours that has brought that up to you.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer:

And I want to say I played basketball for many, many years and if you're on a team, you want to bring out your teammates' strengths. Yes, out your teammates' strengths.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes.

Jana Shelfer:

However, it is important to know your teammates' weaknesses, but not to weaponize them. Or focus on them all the time it is to know that, okay, this might be a weakness of theirs, so that you can either help them grow in that area or, if you are in a game situation, let's don't get them in the corner where they have to catch the ball with their left hand. So, because we know that that's a weakness, so, you use it to protect them.

Jason Shelfer:

I love and that gave me goosebumps too, because I love the way, when we were talking about this outside of the podcast, you said you should never weaponize it. In fact, you should also help protect them from that. So you're helping them grow and get better in that area and you're also protecting them when they are being attacked in that area.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes.

Jason Shelfer:

And that's a big difference.

Jana Shelfer:

For us being a teammate.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes, and I feel like, if we can all recognize that we are teammates, like just in whatever circles that we're in, we're all teammates and everyone has their strengths, everyone has their weaknesses, and it's figuring out. Okay, how do we capitalize on these strengths, how do we minimize or make the weaknesses better than yesterday?

Jana Shelfer:

So we're getting a personal best, even in ourselves. So when your client brought up toxic positivity, we all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. That's just being human. It is being human, and so the point there is. So the point there is, you know, let's bring out our strengths and let's continue to grow in the weaknesses. So the weaknesses, it is data. It is data and it is important to be aware of those.

Jason Shelfer:

Aware. Aware is the key. You don't have to focus. Be aware of it and then you put your energy on just the growth. That's it. Like you don't have to, you don't have to if you focus on the problem all the time. That's all you're going to see and you're just going to pound, you're basically hammering that nail in is what it's doing.

Jana Shelfer:

I agree with that.

Jason Shelfer:

Like, if I've got a weakness, I probably already know about it, or bring it to my awareness and then let me decide whether or not it's something I want to work on. That's it, but awareness is the key. Okay so let's just tie this up in a nice little bow by saying the quote one more time Sit at a table where they speak about ideas, growth, dreams and goals, not people, and let's just all grow in the same direction together, or let's all have a growth direction.

Jason Shelfer:

However did you see, did you see what Kathy was doing. Oh my gosh.

Jana Shelfer:

And what was she wearing? Oh, my gosh, oh gosh.

Jason Shelfer:

Her body's not built for that.

Jana Shelfer:

Oh, and her kids?

Jason Shelfer:

they are just a mess oh gosh no control.

Jana Shelfer:

No wonder her husband's been stepping out. Oh gosh, that is all just boulder dash Stop all that.

Jason Shelfer:

Thanks for joining us Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer:

Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at.