Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana

Self-Compassion, Resilience, & Forgiveness

• Jana and Jason Shelfer • Season 8 • Episode 20

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How are YOU Living Lucky®?

Ditch the Inner Critic & Embrace Your Imperfections: The Power of Self-Compassion (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Are you your own harshest critic? Do you beat yourself up over every mistake or setback? You're not alone. In this episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason & Jana Banana, we explore the transformative power of self-compassion and how it can unlock a new level of personal growth and joy.

We get real about our own struggles with perfectionism and the burnout that follows. We share personal stories and practical strategies to help you cultivate a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself.

Here's a taste of the wisdom you'll discover:

  • The "Sacred Pace": Learn how to find the sweet spot between pushing yourself and giving yourself grace, avoiding the extremes of self-criticism and self-sabotage.
  • "So What?": Discover the liberating power of this simple phrase, allowing you to release unnecessary pressure and embrace the journey of growth, imperfections and all.
  • The Power of Rest: Understand why taking breaks isn't a sign of weakness, but an essential ingredient for creativity, problem-solving, and overall well-being.
  • Unlocking Your Subconscious: Learn how to tap into the wisdom of your subconscious mind to find creative solutions and overcome obstacles.
  • From Self-Criticism to Self-Kindness: We share actionable steps to shift your inner dialogue from negativity to compassion, fostering a more positive and empowering relationship with yourself.

This episode is your invitation to let go of perfectionism, embrace your imperfections, and treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend.

Ready to ditch the inner critic and embrace your true potential? Tune in now and discover the power of self-compassion on the Living Lucky® Podcast!

Key Nuggets:

  • How to recognize and challenge your inner critic
  • The importance of balancing ambition with self-care
  • How to find joy in the process of personal growth, not just the results
  • Practical tips for incorporating self-compassion into your daily life

Keywords: self-compassion, self-kindness, self-criticism, perfectionism, burnout, resilience, personal growth, self-help, mindset, positive thinking,

For mind-blowing inspirational content, join us on Living Lucky TV and on Living Lucky TV Live where you become part of the show at EtherealTV.net

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Email Jason Shelfer HERE

The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Jana Shelfer:

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning, I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky®. You are too. I love this series.

Jana Shelfer:

14 questions to change your life and today's question.

Jason Shelfer:

Is about practice, self-compassion, practicing self-compassion.

Jana Shelfer:

That's not a question.

Jason Shelfer:

The question is how do you treat yourself when you make mistakes or experience a setback?

Jana Shelfer:

How do you treat yourself when things don't go your way?

Jason Shelfer:

And the loftier question there is how can I cultivate more self-compassion and forgiveness, Because I have an inner bitch. I do. I would say sometimes you have an outer bitch, but I love it because it pushes me.

Jana Shelfer:

My husband just called me a bitch, you're funny. I'm telling you, I have an inner critic. I'm telling you, I have an inner critic and when I don't show up the way I think that I should show up, I can be very cruel cruel to myself and then I have also it's like I work on the extreme spectrum on this. Because, then I also have this. Oh well, you know you've already. You've already slacked today, so I'll just give you the rest of the week. We call that I mean it's not.

Jana Shelfer:

It's not the hour, the queen of grace, it's not the rest of the morning it's not the hour, the queen of grace. It's not the rest of the morning, it's the rest of the week, it's not the rest of the day. It's like oh well, I'll just start next week.

Jason Shelfer:

The grace queen comes in and says oh, give yourself some grace.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes. So I really struggle in finding a balance in this area. It's like I am so hard on myself and then something comes in and says, well, I shouldn't be so hard on myself, and then I end up going to the opposite end and I end up like coddling myself like a little baby.

Jason Shelfer:

That's funny, the times that I see you really moving so well and kind of in that beautiful space which it's in the middle.

Jana Shelfer:

It is in the middle.

Jason Shelfer:

I know this, but it's when you get these two archetypes of yourself dancing with each other. Yes, it's like get them instead of fighting against each other. Like, hey, I've got to go all in 100%, because I used to do this with Tony Robbins. Right, I would go in and I would just buy, I would go to the conference and then I would spend thousands of dollars on all the techniques.

Jana Shelfer:

All the stuff you would join all the groups, the platinum club, all this stuff. Then you'd get overwhelmed.

Jason Shelfer:

Then I would just dive in just hard, like hardcore, Like what is 75 hard in this, you do that with, with sports too. Yes, so, and then three months later or four months later, I would be exhausted.

Jana Shelfer:

Not even, not even months. We're talking sometimes days or a week.

Jason Shelfer:

With sports it can go pretty quickly. Yeah, so it's a. It's getting these two archetypes to say you know what? What is my sacred pace? And then also recognizing hey, I'm moving into my newness of being, who am I becoming? And allowing that runway for success, instead of trying to just start flying right off the bat.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, I sometimes expect results immediately, and I feel like a lot of people are like that. I do too the uh and then they give up, and that that is what sometimes makes you and I a little insane is that we don't give up so we don't get results, and then we give ourselves grace to kind of put it on the back burner and then we dive back in like full fledge, and so we have a pattern there that puts us on this roller coaster.

Jason Shelfer:

One thing I will say about that, though, is not giving up. So it's hard to beat someone who doesn't give up. That is true. Like it's like the world. Or the challenge, the obstacle, whatever, will wear itself out if you don't give up. Like you could literally move any mountain in the world, or the challenge, the obstacle, whatever will wear itself out If you don't give up. Like you could literally move any mountain in the world. One shovel or one little spade full at a time, a spoonful at a time. So, over time, you beat the mountain. Like. That's just true. It's what are we telling ourselves, what are the stories we're doing, and can I find a more effective and efficient way of doing it? And that's where I think, when we hit these bumps, where it's like I need a break, I'm going to put it on the back burner. We look at it and say and then we come back to it with a different level of understanding, a different level of efficiency, and it moves us quicker through it.

Jana Shelfer:

And I have also found there's two words that have really helped me in. I want to say saving face, because there have been a lot of projects and things that I have thrown out there with full force, energy, energy and with the manifestation that I'm gonna impact the world. This is going big and my dreams are coming true and believing 100 and I still believe. I still I believe. And just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it's not happening. Does that make sense?

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer:

And those two words are so what.

Jason Shelfer:

So big, so what, so what.

Jana Shelfer:

So what? So what? It hasn't happened yet, but so what? As long as I'm having fun, I'm going to keep doing it, because it's not about the end result, it's about the journey.

Jason Shelfer:

And it sometimes, when we allow ourselves that grace of saying so, what we may start to, we allow the universe to provide however it needs to for whatever it is we're building to happen. And I would submit that you, when you reach into that, so what, what it is is? It softens the gaze on that impacting the world. So it's not exactly the way you want to impact the world, cause I would say that you are impacting the world, but when you say so, what? And I keep moving in a directional path towards it, yeah, your ripples go out further. Yeah, because I, I, objectively, I see you changing the world, I see us changing the world because I get to have, I, I'm the one that responds to the emails, you know.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah, I just I, you know, like I have. I tend to have very, very high expectations.

Jason Shelfer:

I, you know, like I have. I tend to have very high expectations.

Jana Shelfer:

Well, you say expectations, I like to call them dreams.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer:

And so sometimes I dream in these very large I don't want to call them quantities, but these large scales, yeah. And then when I go to do something, I don't. I don't my dreams and my reality don't, don't they not only match, they not only don't match, they're not even in the same sphere.

Jason Shelfer:

But they're on the way.

Jana Shelfer:

I'm not sure.

Jason Shelfer:

Oh, I love it. I love it. It feels like that sometimes. Right, you are like a big dreamer.

Jana Shelfer:

So what, so what.

Jason Shelfer:

See how that feels, that's the kid in me that you know so what, and so this is to me like if you're coloring in a coloring book and you've got the picture lined out like this is my big dream, like you're making colors, yeah, so it's happening. It's not happening, and you said it earlier in the timeline that you expected. Yes, but it is completing the picture. It is gradually completing the picture. It is gradually completing the picture, and the fact that we don't give up and the fact that we keep coming back to things with a new level of resilience, grit and also different imaginative mindset towards it, says that we are completing that picture and creating it in the newness and beautifulness and the masterpiece that it's going to be. Like. It's a life as a continual work of art. It doesn't stop until the artist puts the paintbrush down and we don't put the paintbrush down.

Jana Shelfer:

I will never. I will never put the paintbrush down and that's the, because I continuously grow, and it's recognized and it's what I love to do. It's recognized and it's what I love to do yes it's what I love to do you're a creator.

Jason Shelfer:

You're creating the world. That that is the most perfect for you and me, like we're, and then we're doing this together, which is just. It blows my mind and makes me so happy it is really fun, isn't it? Really is. Who thought that a husband and wife would love to spend this much time together?

Jana Shelfer:

Oh, I know, Sometimes I feel like our neighbors are like are they ever apart?

Jason Shelfer:

Like. We're connected. We even go to the mailbox I'm plugged into a genius, lucky you, I know right, I'm lucky every day.

Jana Shelfer:

Oh no, yesterday we were going to the mailbox together and we were waving at the neighbor and our waves were even in sync and I was like, oh my gosh, we spend way too much time together.

Jason Shelfer:

We are the same. We are AI. We are AI-generated drones, clones of each other.

Jana Shelfer:

Oh, I was ready for one of them to say, hey, jason, you want to come over for a football game, and I was ready for you to say, well, can my wife come with me? Can my wife come cheer.

Jason Shelfer:

She's a consummate cheerleader.

Jana Shelfer:

Oh, anyway, yes, so back to our question. Self-compassion.

Jason Shelfer:

So how do you treat yourself when you make mistakes or experience setbacks? How can you cultivate more self-compassion and forgiveness for yourself?

Jana Shelfer:

Oh my gosh, it's almost like we use this example a lot, but when a baby learns to walk, they don't beat themselves up, they, they fall down, they cry. Maybe they have a tantrum, maybe.

Jason Shelfer:

And their parents don't look at them and go. You're never going to get it right.

Jana Shelfer:

Right, they don't hold all this resentment and rejection and, oh my gosh, I embarrassed myself. I made such a fool. They get back up and they try again, yeah.

Jason Shelfer:

The new analogy that I've been telling people is because I work with a lot of coaches and a lot of people that are just trying something new in their lives.

Jana Shelfer:

Right.

Jason Shelfer:

So pretty much everyone knows how to tie their shoe. Yeah, but if I came along and said hey, there's this new way to tie your shoe. That's incredible. It's quicker, it's more secure and it also helps you get your shoes on and off better. Yeah, it's going to take a minute to learn that new way to tie the shoe.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah, well, there is a new way, and they got their old way.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes, and they're so comfortable with it. So now it comes down to implementation, like revisiting what it looks like, revisiting the steps to it and then the implementation of it, so that integrating it into the new way that they tie their shoe and being willing to make a mistake. Being willing to make a mistake and not being perfect Make adjustments not being perfect Publicly and just know that it's.

Jason Shelfer:

Hey, I'm showing you something totally new, like it's a new knot. It's complicated. Allow yourself the time, the runway and the experience of failing, trying, realizing you didn't get it right. You just now tied a knot in your shoe instead of just this new way of tying it.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes.

Jason Shelfer:

Oh my gosh, and it's okay. You can undo anything, you can fix anything. Allow yourself the room to make the mistakes.

Jana Shelfer:

It's like learning that new math Practice. It's like why do we need new?

Jason Shelfer:

math yeah, practice makes progress.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, yes, oh, oh, this is so good, and if you need a break, okay. So here's the other thing with needing a break Then I have a tendency to feel guilty for giving myself rest. However yes, so I see this and I feel when you start having feelings about feelings, then you're going down a rabbit hole. Yeah, I feel.

Jason Shelfer:

And when I see you take intentional breaks. So this takes me back specifically to when you were like doing a puzzle Like you always had a jigsaw puzzle out and when you said, all right, I'm going to take a breather, I'm going to take a break from this, and you said you just kind of walked away for 30 minutes, you walked away for an hour maybe a day, yes, when you came back you were much more productive.

Jason Shelfer:

You saw things differently and literally, if you hadn't found a piece in like an hour, then you leave it for a day, leave it for an hour. Your mind is putting together what you want and if you don't start having that feeling about feelings, then you allow your mind to work without your mind feeling guilty.

Jana Shelfer:

It's almost like God was preparing me when he put me on that puzzle journey.

Jason Shelfer:

Everything is a spiritual curriculum and you're always going to be leaning into what your soul and heart wants.

Jana Shelfer:

And he was preparing me on how to overcome obstacles really, and I also on the bigger picture there.

Jason Shelfer:

I think he's preparing you on how to put the pieces of this world you want together.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes. And, as a multi-passionate, you want to gather yes and how to not only see what's right in front of me, but how to see negative space and how to problem solve. And sometimes it doesn't always look the way we think it should.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah, and when you think about the life that you want to build, like the perfect experience of the world, there's a lot of pieces in that. So, as a multi-passionate, you are actually working on multiple pieces at the time, and then sometimes you just take a break. Sometimes you're just moving back and saying, okay, let my brain figure some of these things out on itself, because you've spent the time in that personal growth, that awareness, the imagination, all that radical gratitude that we talked about in this podcast and the last one, and your brain is putting it together for you, and then you come back with a whole new you know you?

Jana Shelfer:

just, you just gave me a little nugget that I want to share with everyone. One thing that I have found along the way is that if I tell my subconscious mind to come up with an answer, and then I don't think about it and I just go have fun.

Jason Shelfer:

Have fun. I know that's your key word because you're not beating yourself up over not still working on the problem.

Jana Shelfer:

Sometimes I will go ski, I will go dance, I will go do art. I will just go have fun, go spend time in nature. I literally will go outside. Or sometimes I just watch TV, lay down, spend time with my dog Tater, hang out with Jason. Sometimes I just go to sleep and it comes to me in a dream. Sometimes I will do free writing and it just comes to me. So what I'm saying is sometimes ask your subconscious brain, just literally say it out loud, subconscious brain, I need you to come up with an answer for me and then don't even think about it anymore and it's hard to let go. But that's the secret.

Jason Shelfer:

And so what you're going to run into when you're practicing this is challenges. It's a puzzle. Allow yourself the grace of okay, I'm working on building this new habit, this new process for myself, of asking my subconscious for the answer. Allow yourself the grace of saying oh my gosh, why am I beating myself up over this? Oh my gosh, why am I beating myself up over this?

Jason Shelfer:

Oh, my gosh why is it not coming and having the awareness around these thoughts, about the thoughts, is where you can and this is kind of one of the things for me with the meditations that came in to say okay, let me let go of everything, Let myself be guided which has taught me to let my subconscious guide me. It's all. There's a lot in it, but it's about allowing.

Jana Shelfer:

Allowing, allowing and sometimes-.

Jason Shelfer:

Because what is is?

Jana Shelfer:

Allowing and having compassion, just like the question says, give compassion to yourself and just everything comes at the perfect time, the perfect place when you're, when you're ripe for it, give yourself the trusting, trusting and believing that and that's Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer:

Believe in yourself, believe in the people around you, believe in your circumstances and believe that life is always working for you. Give yourself a runway and keep loving lucky.

Jana Shelfer:

Bye-bye. Thanks for joining us. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.