Permission to Ask For and Receive HELP

The Power of Asking for Help: Overcoming Pride and Embracing Vulnerability

Struggling to ask for help? You're not alone. In this episode of Living Lucky®, Jason & Jana Banana smash the limiting belief that independence equals strength. They reveal the surprising power of vulnerability and how seeking support can actually be the key to unlocking your full potential.

Here's what you'll get from this episode:

• The permission to ask for help (and receive it!): Discover how societal conditioning and internal beliefs can make asking for help feel daunting. Learn practical tips to overcome these hurdles and embrace the power of connection.
• Real-life stories of transformation: Jason shares a powerful anecdote about his mentor who, despite her strength and capabilities, initially struggled to ask for help. This relatable story highlights the importance of vulnerability and how offering support can create a ripple effect of positivity.
• **From helplessness to hope: **Explore the contrasting mindsets of helplessness and hope in the face of crisis. Learn how shifting your perspective can open doors to receiving and offering assistance.
• The surprising benefits of helping others: Discover the joy and fulfillment that comes from reaching out a helping hand. Jason & Jana discuss how helping others strengthens not only the recipient but also the giver.
• Building a culture of support: Learn how to foster a community where asking for help is seen as a sign of strength, not weakness.

This episode is your guide to:

• Recognizing the hidden benefits of asking for help
• Letting go of the "go it alone" mentality
• Building stronger connections through vulnerability and support
• Embracing a mindset of hope and resilience

Ready to break free from the struggle and step into a life of greater ease and connection? Tune in to this episode of Living Lucky® and discover the power of asking for help!

Keywords: self-help, personal development, limiting beliefs, mindset, positive thinking, asking for help, vulnerability, overcoming challenges, resilience, community, connection, Overcoming pride in relationships, Self-help for busy professionals, Vulnerability i

Transcript

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning. I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky® you are too Help.

Jason Shelfer 0:22

I need somebody Help.

Jana Shelfer 0:24

I want somebody we don't even know if those are the words, we don't even know.

Jason Shelfer 0:28

those are the words, but you sounded like the beatles to me right maybe with the different hair I have the voice of an angel or a beetle, not necessarily delusional confidence sometimes I love it sometimes I just say things we're talking about asking for help today so big why sometimes do we feel like we need permission to ask for help?

Jason Shelfer 0:51

oh, permission, that's a big big thing. I, I and I feel like we need to give ourselves the permission like it's not, like it's something, and permission to receive it oh, that's, that's even bigger, and I think it's probably the permission not giving ourselves permission to receive it that stops the permission to ask for it.

Jana Shelfer 1:11

So Jason had a situation today and let me just give you the overall view of this the nuts and bolts. He has a mentor, a fellow coach named Fran, who was holding a Zoom meeting for a large group of people today A global audience.

Jana Shelfer 1:31

And she happened to have some personal issues arise where she needed to make some big decisions about the health of a family member and how to logistically get that family member from a hospital to another hospital. There was just a lot going on in her life. She wanted to show up for the meeting, though, because that was her commitment. Yes, and Jason, you said right before the meeting she was telling you these details. You could see the weight of the issue, the unease of everything that she was going through, and so what did you do?

Jason Shelfer 2:13

I just said hey, fran, let's just pause for a minute, let's recognize how powerful and capable you are and that, regardless of how powerful and capable you are, you can still ask for help.

Jana Shelfer 2:28

That's so good, because sometimes we don't want to ask for help. It's like our pride. We want people to think that we are independent and that we are a superhero and that we've got everything under control.

Jason Shelfer 2:42

And no matter what comes at us, we can handle it all Right All.

Jana Shelfer 2:47

No, I feel like moms do this a lot.

Jason Shelfer 2:49

Moms do it a lot.

Jana Shelfer 2:50

Women do this a lot. It's almost become part of our conditioning.

Jason Shelfer 2:55

And guys do it a lot in the work environment. I know for me, when we become workaholics, we were like I can handle it all, yeah, and like I won't come home and tell you about my feelings, my emotions or anything.

Jana Shelfer 3:09

And for some reason, it takes a lot to almost leave the ego at the door and to actually ask someone for help, which is why it feels like when someone offers it, it feels a little easier to say, yeah, I really could use help, like that would be a huge favor to me right now. Yes, but for me anyway, to actually look around and go. Who is it that I could ask? There's an uncomfortableness there.

Jason Shelfer 3:43

I don't know why. Sometimes, well, I hear you and sometimes there's an uncomfortableness there. I don't know why.

Jason Shelfer 3:51

Sometimes, well, I hear you and sometimes there's an uncomfortableness in offering which makes it kind of crazy. The situation for me today was that I saw the dis-ease, I saw that there was a very definite time frame on something else that needed to happen for Fran, very definite timeframe on something else that needed to happen for Fran, and the offer was offered to help with the note actually the the telling her she was okay to ask for help was followed up directly by and I'm here and available.

Jana Shelfer 4:21

That is so great. And she probably really appreciated that.

Jason Shelfer 4:24

She did she. She sent me like a WhatsApp voice message because she she's like in motion and wasn't able to text and stuff Like she was. She was getting things done.

Jana Shelfer 4:36

That just expressed her gratitude and feeling of but you said, when you offered, you actually physically saw her demeanor change physically saw her demeanor change.

Jason Shelfer 4:51

Yeah, I saw her body change and the relief come in because she had the space open up to get done things that felt like an emergency and felt like they had to get done Right and she got to take something off her plate.

Jana Shelfer 5:01

Okay. So right now I am just obsessed with the LA fires and the destruction and the magnitude of the situation. My heart goes out for these people. I actually cried for them last night.

Jana Shelfer 5:15

I just feel like, oh, I just want I have empathy, I want to do something, to do something. And in that same moment, I thought about some friends of ours, sean and Jen, who we haven't spoken to in at least two years. In fact, I didn't even know exactly where they lived, I just knew it was California, somewhere, and so, like you were saying, it felt awkward for me to reach out and ask them if they needed help. And yet, at the same time, I'm watching all this news coverage. So I did send a text which, again there was like this awkwardness I don't want them to think that I don't think they have everything under control. I don't think they have everything under control, but I know that, wow, california people are going through a lot right now.

Jason Shelfer 6:13

Yeah, can I take anything off your plate? Yes, and if?

Jana Shelfer 6:21

I don't have the capacity, I will let I have the responsibility to let you know. But it also felt awkward because we hadn't talked to them in so long and it almost felt disingenuous, maybe well, so it's to me it was.

Jason Shelfer 6:30

That's just digging into humanity okay um, and it might feel awkward to strike up a conversation because there's a catastrophe in the area or because someone's going through a lot, yeah, but honestly, um, the awkwardness of not being in touch with someone is, I think, diminished by the fact that you are willing to still show up.

Jana Shelfer 6:54

Okay, but at any rate it felt awkward even offering.

Jason Shelfer 7:00

Yeah, yeah.

Jana Shelfer 7:01

So I'm glad we're talking about this, because I do look around and I see people and I think, ooh, they maybe need some help right now. And yet at the same time, there's that I don't want to ask.

Jason Shelfer 7:20

I don't want to step on people's foot, people's feet like step on their toes.

Jana Shelfer 7:24

I don't want to hurt their feelings. Go to their boundaries. I know they're doing their best.

Jason Shelfer 7:27

right now Is there anything in the, in the back behind that, that um suggest? Um, what if they come back and ask for something that I'm not willing to give or not not able to give?

Jana Shelfer 7:39

I haven't even thought of that, Because I think a lot of times. I haven't even thought of that.

Jason Shelfer 7:42

Because I think a lot of times I will, just to be honest, I will not offer in certain situations. I think about a specific friend that we met in Miami at a coaching conference. That needed money, that needs a lot of money, and that's all. That is the only focus, and I've learned the hard way that when people just give you money to fix your problem, it doesn't fix any problem.

Jason Shelfer 8:12

So, like there are times when I won't ask can I help? And maybe it's because we don't define the boundaries of can I help you in a specific way, and but but honestly, sometimes we don't know where someone needs the help or wants the help, or if they just want to be a bulldozer and bury their head in it and get it done themselves.

Jana Shelfer 8:34

I'm telling you these testimonials that I've been seeing on CNN, msnbc, fox News, all of them, all of the news stations of the people in LA. I mean they have just lost their house, some of them have lost their community. I mean the entire community is gone.

Jason Shelfer 8:54

Is burnt to the ground.

Jana Shelfer 8:55

They've lost their schools, their grocery stores, their restaurants, their banks.

Jason Shelfer 9:00

Their cars.

Jana Shelfer 9:00

Cars. All they have is the clothes on their back. They don't even have their passports.

Jason Shelfer 9:06

And their clothes on their back smell like soot and ash.

Jana Shelfer 9:09

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 9:11

And it sounds horrible.

Jana Shelfer 9:13

And it just feels to me like, oh my gosh, that's a hill, that is a long road for them to climb, and I want to help.

Jason Shelfer 9:26

I just I don't, I don't know you were talking about when we first came into this part of the podcast. You were talking about those testimonials. Yes, and one of the biggest differences, because there was a guy that said God doesn't care about us anymore.

Jana Shelfer 9:42

God doesn't love us anymore.

Jason Shelfer 9:43

I saw that. And then on the exact opposite side of the spectrum was a guy saying I feel so lucky, and what strikes me is that feeling of the world is and just saying that not to cut you off, but which person do you want to help? Also, which person is going to have a better way out?

Jana Shelfer 10:08

Oh, I know, I know.

Jason Shelfer 10:09

There's the feeling of helplessness and if you feel the world is against you, if you feel God is against you, if you feel everything is against you and that you are like, if you feel the world is over, that helplessness is debilitating, it's just debilitating. We've experienced that before and the people that felt lucky and felt blessed and all this one thing I noticed about them was A they were helping someone and they were accepting help. So there's a thing, and think about the word helplessness.

Jason Shelfer 10:57

I mean you were without help or hopelessness both of those right. Is there a word? Helplessness? Yeah, Okay, that's. For some reason, my brain just farted and I was like I can smell. It Is helplessness a word, but yeah, so they've got this, this feeling of I can, like, shoot, I can smell, it Is helplessness a word, but yeah, so they've got this feeling of I can't get help, I can't give help, there's nothing.

Jana Shelfer 11:12

I'm worthless, which goes down to I'm worthless.

Jason Shelfer 11:15

I think that's where my brain got confused. They sound the same. And then this other party that feels lucky, feels like hey, there's a way out, there's a way to grow through. This are the people that are helping and being helped with a symbiotic relationship.

Jana Shelfer 11:30

Okay, so I feel like we've been all over the place, but I guess the main point I want to make is it's okay to ask for help, it's okay, and it's okay to receive help. It's okay. It's part of the human connection. It actually is a gift. It's a gift going both ways to the receiver and to the person who is offering.

Jason Shelfer 11:54

Yes, it's a gift and both of them add value to each other, which is just a beautiful like. That's an expansion tool, which is great.

Jana Shelfer 12:05

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 12:10

Oh my gosh. Okay, thank you for joining us. Help somebody, receive help from somebody and keep Living Lucky® and ask for it, and ask for it. It's okay to ask. Give yourself permission.

Jana Shelfer 12:17

Yes, we shouldn't have to give ourselves permission to ask for help.

Jason Shelfer 12:20

Right.

Jana Shelfer 12:21

That just seems, I don't know. Anyway, thanks for joining us. Have a great day. Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer 12:28

If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.