Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana

Let Them...

• Jana and Jason Shelfer • Season 7 • Episode 73

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Ditch the Drama, Embrace the Joy: Turn Tricky Family Gatherings into Happy Havens (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Feeling like the holidays bring more stress than cheer? You're not alone! This episode of the Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason & Jana Banana cracks the code on navigating family gatherings with ease.

Feeling overwhelmed by overbearing relatives or judgmental whispers? We reveal a powerful truth: letting others be themselves can be the key to unlocking a more peaceful and joyful experience.

Here's what you'll get:

  • The magic of "Let Them": Discover how to stop trying to control others' emotions and focus on your own well-being.
  • Boundaries without Battles: Learn to assert your needs peacefully while respecting others' choices.
  • Tame the Drama Monster: Discover how to manage expectations and avoid holiday meltdowns.
  • Humor as a Coping Mechanism: See how a little wit and sarcasm can connect you with like-minded souls.
  • Embrace Your Journey: This is a personal growth marathon, not a sprint. Celebrate your progress and let go of comparison.

Feeling stressed about the holidays? This episode is your gift! Learn to embrace individuality and create a more harmonious family experience.

Ready to ditch the drama and embrace the joy? Tune in today!

family dynamics, managing family stress, setting boundaries, self-growth, emotional resilience, personal development podcast, how to stay calm at family gatherings, dealing with emotional family members, tips for handling holiday stress, accepting others’ behavior without stress, personal growth in family settings, Self-help, limiting beliefs, mindset, positive thinking, communication, boundaries, family relationships, holidays, stress management, emotional intelligence

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Jana Shelfer:

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®. Good morning. I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer:

You are too. I learned another sentence, one of those very short two-word sentences that is so profound that I have to share it with everybody. The sentence is let them.

Jason Shelfer:

That's a big one. Let them, it's a small one, but with big effect.

Jana Shelfer:

Let them. And when I heard it Jason shared it. It was from Mel Robbins' podcast, but when I heard this, it really hit home for me, and here's why, with thanksgiving coming up, sometimes I have a tendency I like to manage other people's emotions. I want everybody to have fun I don't want anybody's feelings to get hurt.

Jason Shelfer:

Everyone to get along.

Jana Shelfer:

I just want everyone to feel heard and accepted and loved, and so by doing that, I tend to micromanage in a way.

Jason Shelfer:

And also absorb.

Jana Shelfer:

Oh yeah, I try to absorb what everyone's feeling, and I do this subconsciously. It's not like I set out to try to absorb Uncle Fred's long wordiness.

Jason Shelfer:

Gosh, those blessings are so long. It's like remember when that food was hot at the beginning of this blessing.

Jana Shelfer:

We just want to stop and thank, thank, the.

Jason Shelfer:

Democrats thank the Republicans.

Jana Shelfer:

And you know our January this past year was pretty good so we just want to stop and thank everybody for that.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah, and go through every single one of the months. Oh my gosh, that wasn't even at the top of my mind, but it's one of those things. What came to the top of my mind was when we're trying to manage other people's emotions.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer:

Is a lot of times we are telling ourselves a story about what the other person might be feeling. And we're also creating expectations of what they should be feeling compared to what we think right, yeah, and we allow it to alter or change or adjust our current state, which might be very elevated, and because we're adapting to that instead of just being ourselves.

Jana Shelfer:

Well, and you and I especially have this problem we adapt, we are like expert adapters, to the point where we shapeshift we do. We adapt so much sometimes that we shapeshift and I feel like I can fit in any crowd and I really can fit in, but at the same time I sometimes feel like I am not always being myself Fully self. Yes, okay. So back to our topic of let them the more we let other people be whoever they want to be, show up however they want to be.

Jason Shelfer:

If they want to have a tantrum if they want to be angry.

Jana Shelfer:

If they want to get drunk, if they whatever they want to be or do, if they feel like they need to organize everything and boss people around, we just need to let them.

Jason Shelfer:

Yeah, one of the big things that stuck with me from that podcast was that when we try to change someone, there's a pressure there, so it's almost like a conscious or subconscious wanting of someone else to change, and then it creates resistance by pressure. It's like if someone told me to be something they wanted me to be, I would resist that because I'm like I'm I want to be, can we?

Jana Shelfer:

get specific with examples, because I feel like when we're just talking in these blanket terms, it doesn't feel like it yeah, it resonates. For example, if I go to Thanksgiving, I know that my sister is going to be very bossy. I don't like to be bossed around. So what are we saying?

Jason Shelfer:

Are we saying just let her be bossy to me, but we don't have to do what she says. So it's like when we go to my house for Thanksgiving and my mom says you need a nap.

Jason Shelfer:

Yes, but I don't feel like I want a nap right now. I want to be around family. I just want to be in the middle. I don't want to go in a room by myself and take a nap. I might want to go to the mall, I might want to go anywhere else. I'm going to forcefully resist going to take a nap. In fact, the fact that she said you need a nap makes me absolutely not want a nap.

Jana Shelfer:

Okay. So there's a couple of ways to react to that, because it feels like when she says that, because she says it to me, she doesn't say it to other people. She says it to Jana every single time and it makes me feel like if I say, if I really do stand up for myself and say, why would I need a nap, I've got more energy than all of you.

Jason Shelfer:

Maybe you need to go take a nap.

Jana Shelfer:

Like that feels a little abrasive and she would take that abrasive, she would take that abrasive. And it also feels like, you know, sometimes it's just easier to go along and say, okay, I will.

Jason Shelfer:

I'd rather not be here.

Jana Shelfer:

And I just go into the room and read my book. And then Jason comes in and it feels like you're like okay, well, are you going to join the family? You know what I'm saying.

Jason Shelfer:

So I think the thought around that is is, if she wants us to take a nap and we just express nap's not right in my agenda for for now, um, thank you, but um, I'm going to decline the nap Like it's not a. It doesn't have to be that she's wrong, but it's a well, if I turn that around to her.

Jana Shelfer:

You know, lynn, why don't you go take a nap?

Jason Shelfer:

That's like someone saying shut up, why don't you shut up? So you're at least acknowledging that there is a little bit of so then you're trying to change her. If I say, why don't you shut up? It's I want you to stop talking. Or if you say, why don't you go take a nap? It's like I want you to go away, like not be here and go, yeah, so.

Jana Shelfer:

I mean I feel like. I've experimented with different ways of handling this, and none of them are a good way, and it's the same way on my side of the family, so my I'm just going to be real. I have a sister who's extremely bossy and she wants to tell everyone what to do, where to go, how to be.

Jason Shelfer:

When to do it.

Jana Shelfer:

And it feels sometimes like I don't want to be bossed around.

Jason Shelfer:

Does anybody else feel like this on Thanksgiving and the thing is, I love my families.

Jana Shelfer:

I love them.

Jason Shelfer:

So it's a. I think it's just a saying I'm good. Like if someone says, why don't you go take a nap? I'm good, I'm good, yeah, I'm okay. It's kind of like saying I'm okay and it implies, are you okay? Like it's, are you okay with me being in your place? Like it's a, it's always a them thing.

Jana Shelfer:

Yeah because I think that's why she does it. She wants me out of the kitchen. She doesn't like me in the conversations.

Jana Shelfer:

She doesn't like me in the kitchen.

Jana Shelfer:

She wants me. Well, I'm just saying, you know, because I have.

Jana Shelfer:

This is the story we tell ourselves.

Jana Shelfer:

I have experimented with saying I don't need a nap, or you know why would you ask that? Or I've tried different ways. I've tried actually in the past 10 years. I just usually go to the room and say, okay, I will, because I don't want to be around you either.

Jason Shelfer:

So I think the new way might be to just say I'm good, I'm good, I'm okay, I'm good, I'm enjoying myself.

Jana Shelfer:

See.

Jana Shelfer:

I can't even manage my own emotions and here we are talking about not managing other people's emotions. Yeah it to me. The whole thing is just so overwhelming. It's why I hate thanksgiving. I have always hated thanksgiving. The holidays are not my favorite at all. Christmas feels so overwhelming to me to the point where I have simplified, where we don't do anything really for Christmas. We don't have any traditions, any. We decorate no, we don't.

Jason Shelfer:

Well, we decorate outside.

Jana Shelfer:

But we haven't put up a tree in a while.

Jason Shelfer:

We haven't put up a tree in several while we haven't put up a tree in several years.

Jana Shelfer:

But we're also gone and I feel like that is detrimental to my spirit well, let's decorate.

Jason Shelfer:

It's just we. If we're leaving in november, to me, putting up a tree for the house that we're not going to be in is, to me it's a waste of time. But if it's important for you, then I'm down for it. There's one thing that I do love is decorating the tree with you.

Jana Shelfer:

Okay, we're getting off topic. We're getting off topic. The topic today is let them Let people be themselves, and the more you let them be themselves, they hopefully will let you be yourself.

Jason Shelfer:

That's big. That's big and allowing that. And then you get to model what you want and they can either accept it or not, and if they want to change, they can be more of who they want to be.

Jana Shelfer:

I don't feel like I have grasped this lesson and this is going to be an ongoing evolution of Jana. I think it's an ongoing evolution for everyone.

Jason Shelfer:

It is yeah, there's, there's always going to be this situation where we bring in judgment, we bring in assumptions and stories that we tell ourselves because I do it too. I mean, it's a like I get offended sometimes, like people think that I never get offended, but I do, and I start telling myself the story in my head, like why is this person always judging me.

Jana Shelfer:

And then you handle it by throwing out undercover, undercover jokes, jokes that you think they're funny. But I know you well enough to know.

Jason Shelfer:

Oh, there's truth in that one, there's so much truth in that he's throwing out truth humor disguised as sarcasm.

Jana Shelfer:

Yes, it's exactly what you do. Yeah, so and the people who get it are the people who feel the fucking same way. Excuse my language. So it's exactly what you do. Yeah, so, and the people who get it are the people who feel the fucking same way.

Jason Shelfer:

Excuse my language so it's so it is. It's an ongoing thing that we all deal with. We just try to get a little bit better at it each time, and I'm sure there's some people that have mastered it or say they've mastered it. Um, and that's fine, let let them be the masters, let them be them, let them and let me continue my growth journey towards it.

Jana Shelfer:

Let them be them, let me be me, and let's all live lucky. Have a happy family.

Jana Shelfer:

Thanks for joining us, bye-bye.

Jason Shelfer:

Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer:

If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.