Unhardened Heart

Hey, friend! Let's talk about love. You know, that complex, beautiful, sometimes frustrating thing that makes up so much of our lives. Ever feel like you're building walls around your heart instead of opening it up? I get it. We all do.

That's why Jana and I are diving deep into the mysteries of love in our latest podcast episode, "Unhardened Heart"

"Breaking Down the Walls to Accepting Love: A Journey from Self-Love to Unconditional Affection."

This episode is for anyone who's ever wondered:

• Why do we push love away even when we crave it? (Spoiler alert: there's some past hurts and hidden fears lurking in there.)
• Is "delusional love" a real thing? Let's smash that limiting belief and claim our worthiness for epic affection!
• What's the secret sauce to unconditional love? We'll explore the freedom of giving and receiving without expectations or judgment.
• Why is self-love the key to unlocking deeper connections? Hint: it's the foundation for healthy, fulfilling relationships.
• Need some tools to break down those walls? I'm sharing practical tips to overcome resistance, let go of negativity, and embrace the power of love.

Listen up, because this episode is your guide to dismantling your emotional barriers, silencing that inner critic, and opening your heart to the magic of genuine love. Whether you're single, partnered, or just trying to navigate the complexities of relationships, Jana and I have got your back. We'll leave you feeling empowered, hopeful, and ready to love and be loved with authenticity.

Don't miss out on the joy of true connection! Tune in to "Unhardened Heart" and start your own journey to living lucky in love.

P.S. Share this episode with your loved ones and spark some meaningful conversations about love in your own circles!

#Love #Relationships #SelfLove #SelfWorth #Acceptance #Communication #Boundaries #EmotionalHealing #Positivity #PersonalGrowth #UnconditionalLove #HealthyRelationships #Vulnerability #Authenticity #LawOfAttraction #Mindfulness #Spirituality #LivingLucky #LivingLuckyPodcast #UnhardenedHeart

Transcript

Overcoming Barriers to Receiving Love

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start living lucky.

Jana Shelfer 0:14

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer 0:16

I'm Jana, I'm Jason, and we are living lucky, and you are too, because today is Valentine's Day.

Jason Shelfer 0:23

Happy Valentine's Day.

Jana Shelfer 0:24

Thank you and back at you Love. We're talking about love today. Look what you've done to me, Okay he started out singing the love boat, and then it turned into a. Kenny Rogers song I don't know. Love it's the highest vibration. It's where we manifest the with the greatest frequency. However, I feel like as we get through life, we start to harden our hearts.

Jason Shelfer 0:59

Harden my heart. I'm gonna sing you a song, jason is a jukebox this morning.

Jana Shelfer 1:05

Yeah, should I put a quarter in you?

Jason Shelfer 1:07

Don't do it.

Jana Shelfer 1:09

Yes, please.

Jason Shelfer 1:10

Abundance.

Jana Shelfer 1:11

When we were at Life Surge we listened to Willie Robertson from Duck Dynasty and he said that when he was in fifth grade he had a business of where he would charge people a nickel and then he would sing a song.

Jana Shelfer 1:27

Oh, that's.

Jana Shelfer 1:28

So he would literally act like a jukebox. That's funny.

Jason Shelfer 1:32

A song for a nickel.

Jana Shelfer 1:33

So there's your new side business, Jason.

Jason Shelfer 1:35

That is my side hustle right there.

Jana Shelfer 1:37

Okay, back to hardened hearts, because I feel we all get them, we just don't realize it.

Jason Shelfer 1:44

Yeah, I feel like it's. I had this visual of bad meat where it gets hard on one side and then tender and and once you eat it. Soar on the other side.

Jana Shelfer 2:00

Once you eat it, you say I'm not eating that meat again. Oh, no way. Once you have food poisoning, I'm staying away from that yeah at least for a long time.

Jason Shelfer 2:08

I'm gonna have all my defenses up. I'm gonna be looking. I'm gonna look for the evidence that it's bad instead of the evidence that it's good.

Jana Shelfer 2:15

And that's what happens In life, in our relationships. We get burned once or twice and remind I mean mind us that when we think we've been burned, it usually is a two-way street and it's all about perception.

Jason Shelfer 2:32

It is, and looking at it from our own perspective.

Jana Shelfer 2:35

Yes. However, we start to build up these walls of protection, uh-uh, no, no, not going there. I'm not going there. I'm not gonna let anyone in. It's easier to just keep people at a distance than to open our hearts and to truly love.

Jason Shelfer 2:55

Yeah, we tell ourselves things like all girls are, all women are confusing. All men are after one thing.

Jana Shelfer 3:03

I mean, it's Wait, do you think women are confusing?

Jason Shelfer 3:07

There are. I think there are some. There are women and men that are confusing, but that's not a thought anymore. I just try to love completely, Like it's almost like love comes in through the top of me, Like the way I feel it is almost like if my the top of my head was unscrewed, love was pouring in and then love just pours out through the center, almost caribou style.

Jana Shelfer 3:31

Do you ever have it go the other way? Do you ever have it come? Up your feet and out your head.

Jason Shelfer 3:35

No, it doesn't come up my feet, but it does. I do feel it circulates Like. I feel like I'm getting all this love back, which is kind of fun, I mean it's.

Jana Shelfer 3:46

It's kind of fun to be loved.

Jason Shelfer 3:48

We want to be, I mean it's a great vibration to be in. It's not only the highest resonant vibration and universal manifesting vibration, but it just feels great when you can rest in it.

Jana Shelfer 4:04

So how can we make that our emotional home?

Jason Shelfer 4:10

Hmm.

Jana Shelfer 4:12

Because I think most people feel love. Sometimes they have a hard time receiving. I know. For me on my birthday, jason had a group of really high, powerful men saying happy birthday to me. I had a really hard time receiving that and I've had a hard time receiving all of the texts and all of the.

Jason Shelfer 4:33

I mean my phone still has 20 texts on it that I haven't returned because people were saying happy birthday to me and telling me how special that I am and it made me feel skeptical you know, what's interesting is I had a hard time even asking for it, what I didn't have a hard time asking for them to say happy birthday, but they offered to sing happy birthday and I was like, oh, that's, that's gonna take longer and I didn't want to put them out, so I had a. I almost had a hard time receiving that and that got me a little misty eyed because I was like they took extra time to sing it because I just asked them hey, it's my wife's birthday today. Well, can we get everyone to just say happy birthday? They said we're gonna sing it, like we're gonna take the time and we're gonna sing it because we just poured out love so what?

Jana Shelfer 5:29

okay. So that kind of takes us in a little bit of a different direction. Why do we have a hard time receiving love? I mean I really feel that I hate I can give love better than I can receive it. I mean it goes back to gifts. I really hate getting gifts and it make because it makes me feel like it's transactional.

Jason Shelfer 5:52

I feel like also sometimes and it's not a I feel like we all believe we're worthy of love, especially on the surface. I think if we get down deeper, some of us feel like we're not worthy of love, which is completely untrue.

Jana Shelfer 6:08

No, I don't feel that way, that, and that's what, that's what's different about me. I feel I'm worthy of love, maybe delusional love. I feel like I'm.

Jason Shelfer 6:19

I love it. I don't think. I think there's no such thing as delusional love. I think we all deserve what we might consider delusional love and we should be giving that with everybody all the time. And I think part of it is as we is when, if, when people, when we see people not giving us grace or not, what if we see people judging us? It's a. There's something in that, like when the judgment, the spit it out, jason is stuck somewhere, but it's.

Jason Shelfer 6:53

It's kind of like the outside world feels like if I don't respond a certain way, I'm gonna be judged, I'm gonna be criticized, I'm gonna be not doing enough In return. And if you're just loving fully and people recognize I'm loving as much as I can right now from where I am, then we are kind of I think loving grace go hand in hand.

Jana Shelfer 7:21

Okay, here's an example. So I wanted to watch a Disney. I've been studying script writing and I've been wanting to watch a couple Disney movies, so I asked my dad if I could use his Disney plus password. Okay, and at first he was like yeah sure, you know, we don't, we don't use it. So here it is, and I know that with the, with the subscription, you get five Login devices. So I thought you know what that that'll work, because I have so many darn subscriptions right and one subscribe to death.

Jana Shelfer 8:04

I know and it starts adding up, so anyway. So he gives me his password and I tried logging in yesterday and of course I ran into some problems, and so then I texted him and what seemed like Okay, an easy ask and a give out of love turned into I have totally burdened him, and I mean he even sent me an email saying now it's caused all problems on his end, and so now I feel I would have been better off just not even asking. Do you know what I'm saying?

Jason Shelfer 8:49

Yeah.

Jana Shelfer 8:50

Are we still talking about love here, or have I brought something else into?

Jason Shelfer 8:53

the mix. No, I think that does kind of go into, because it's like it's the receiving and the giving. It all falls in.

Jana Shelfer 9:02

First of all I was very hesitant about asking and then I thought well, it's my dad, you know it's my dad and I know that they don't use it on five devices.

Jason Shelfer 9:13

They may have it on one. They may, and they don't use it once a week like one hour a week.

Jana Shelfer 9:19

And that's only when dancing with the stars is on.

Jason Shelfer 9:22

Is in season.

Jana Shelfer 9:23

yeah, so then, secondly, I thought well, it's my dad. If I can't ask my dad, who can I ask? Right? And then when I asked, it became at first it was fine, you know, it was like yeah, use it forever, it's yours. And then when?

Jason Shelfer 9:40

Why don't I just get you the prescription? And then, when dancing with the stars comes out, we'll watch it. Subscription, subscription. Did I say prescription?

Jana Shelfer 9:47

I do the same thing. I go to the doctor and I say I need a subscription and they're like it's a prescription Anyway.

Jason Shelfer 9:54

Am I paying for it month after month? So then Maybe it is a subscription doc.

Jana Shelfer 10:00

It kind of is oh my gosh. Okay, so where was I? But then when it started causing problems on his end, then I felt like, oh my gosh, this is terrible, I should have never asked. And now I probably will never ask him for anything ever again.

Jason Shelfer 10:17

So can that be exactly almost correlated to love?

Jana Shelfer 10:22

It is. That's what I'm trying to use it for.

Jason Shelfer 10:23

I think it can, because it's like if I love someone, will I get hurt, will things mess up, will all Like.

Jana Shelfer 10:34

When we talk about being open to people, we love being open and letting them in, and I feel that being open is asking for things you need.

Jason Shelfer 10:46

And that's where I think the grace and the letting go of the judgment comes in very heavily, Because if it was a new day, a new slate, all is kind of let's just call it forgiven or forgotten then we would not be hesitant about asking again, we would not be hesitant about giving again and experiencing again.

Jana Shelfer 11:11

But that's easier said than done.

Jason Shelfer 11:12

It is easier said than done.

Jana Shelfer 11:15

And I guess the more grace we give, the more grace we get.

Jason Shelfer 11:18

Yes, I believe so, and it's like you talk about a lot, that you get what you are. So if you're judging yourself for things going wrong because the subscription got messed up, whatever it is, it caused quote unquote trouble.

Jana Shelfer 11:39

It did, it caused problems on his end. I'm like, oh great, now he's not able to get in on his subscription.

Jason Shelfer 11:44

And we probably would put more pressure on ourselves, like I'm sure we, like you, probably blow it up to like being this really big thing because we don't want to put someone out at all. No, like we want this to be very easy and flowing and flowing, and if there's just one pebble in the stream it might make a small bump in the water, but we turn it into this raging rapid in our head.

Jana Shelfer 12:14

Yes.

Jason Shelfer 12:15

And then we say no more not doing it, it's dangerous.

Jana Shelfer 12:18

and so then we, we put a layer of protection around our heart. Our heart gets hardened.

Jason Shelfer 12:24

Yeah, and then?

Jana Shelfer 12:26

in our head we think well, that didn't work last time.

Jason Shelfer 12:29

And then we start looking for proof where, when I ask for something from someone else, did it cause them trouble? Did it cause them to be put out? And I'm not going to ask for it anymore? If I ask somebody for love, is it going to cause? Is it work for them to love me?

Jana Shelfer 12:42

Yes, and.

The Power of Unconditional Love

Jason Shelfer 12:43

I don't want them to have to work to love me, I just want to flow.

Jana Shelfer 12:46

Someone told me one time that it is really hard to love me. Hmm, not for me, and that has stuck in and I'm like it is hard to love me. I understand that.

Jason Shelfer 12:58

I don't think it is hard to love you know, I think that you're unique.

Jana Shelfer 13:05

I'm very unique and different and I don't fit in a box extraordinary. I know and I expect extraordinary and I have to.

Jason Shelfer 13:14

I get to love you extraordinarily oh.

Jana Shelfer 13:18

I love that reframe. Man you're, you're fun to, you're fun to love. I will say that Yay, yay, okay. So I guess our biggest takeaway today is love is the highest vibration and we get what we. We get what we give.

Jason Shelfer 13:38

Yeah, so if you can love fully and without judgment, without keeping score, I think that is really what it comes down to, and it's not keep score. It's hard to not otherwise it feels transactional.

Jason Shelfer 13:55

One way to not keep is to talk about things in the in the present, like when it comes up, talk about it, because if you're holding on to it, then you're, you're mentally keeping score, right, yeah, and then you're going to start kind of grabbing these other little evidence Buckets and saying yep, there it is again, there it is again. And then you just flood the person with all these things that Make it hard quote unquote, hard to love them. I love it.

Jana Shelfer 14:27

I love it, love, love, love Valentine's.

Jason Shelfer 14:30

Day happy.

Jana Shelfer 14:31

Valentine's Day love yourself, love yourself have a great day.

Jana Shelfer 14:36

Thanks for joining us. Bye, bye. If the idea of living lucky appeals to you, visit us at startlivingluckycom.