Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana

💔The Expectation Trap: How Unspoken Wishes Sabotage Your Fun (and Relationships!)

• Jana and Jason Shelfer • Season 6 • Episode 5

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In this episode of Living Lucky®, Jana & Jason peel back the layers of unspoken expectations that can sabotage your adventures and relationships. Join them and their special guest, 16-year-old Addie, as they unlock the secrets to clarity and communication for a life filled with fulfillment, not frustration.

Here's a taste of what you'll discover:

  • The "holiday lights letdown": Learn from Jana & Jason's hilarious (and relatable) mistake to avoid disappointment in your own plans.
  • 3 powerful questions to transform your experiences: These simple tools will help you align your desires with everyone else's, from group vacations to intimate conversations.
  • From prom shopping to mentorship magic: Hear Addie's inspiring story of how shifting expectations opened the door to unexpected growth and connection.
  • Actionable tips for clear communication: Say goodbye to mind-reading and hello to harmony! Practical takeaways to bridge the gap between intention and understanding.


This episode is your roadmap to:

  • More satisfying adventures: No more "meh" outings or unmet expectations. Plan experiences that truly resonate with everyone involved.
  • Deeper relationships: Build trust and avoid misunderstandings by learning to articulate your needs and listen with empathy.
  • Personal growth: Discover how managing expectations unlocks opportunities for learning and evolution in every aspect of your life.

Living Lucky isn't just a podcast, it's a movement. Join Jana & Jason and learn to turn unspoken wishes into vibrant realities. Download this episode now and start navigating life's journeys with clarity, confidence, and joy!

expectations, communication, relationships, personal growth, clarity, fulfillment, disappointment, transformation, Jana & Jason, holiday lights disaster, unexpected connections, 3 life-changing questions, bridge the gap with communication, avoid disappointment, deepen relationships, life hack, mindset shift, relationship goals, conscious communication, emotional intelligence,  vulnerability, authenticity, healthy boundaries, self-discovery, personal development, intentional living, joy journey, how to manage expectations, communication tips for relationships, create fulfilling experiences, teen mentorship, navigating personal growth, teenage adventures, actionable communication skills, improve relationships with friends/family, life-changing questions

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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Speaker 1:

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start living lucky.

Speaker 2:

Good morning.

Speaker 1:

I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are living lucky. Do you ever feel unfulfilled?

Speaker 2:

Hmm.

Speaker 1:

Unsatisfied.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Like you're searching for something. You just can't quite put your finger on it.

Speaker 2:

Where is that missing piece?

Speaker 1:

You have this picture in your mind, maybe an expectation. You can't quite articulate it, or at least you feel like you have. You feel like you have expressed it the best. You have the ability to do so.

Speaker 2:

And a lot of times I think we do that in our own head, like we don't actually verbalize, like we tell ourselves this is what I want, but then we don't get it because it hasn't been fully expressed.

Speaker 1:

We're talking about. Clarity is what we're really talking about today, and specifically when it comes to vacations or an experience that you're about to plan. Maybe one person in the group has an idea of what they think it's going to be.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's big.

Speaker 1:

And then the other person has in their head an idea of what they picture, visualize, think that it's going to be the missing link. The distinction is that there's a communication that isn't quite being said aloud.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the bridge isn't being built between the two ideas.

Speaker 1:

There is a bridge and sometimes, when we are not saying things out loud, clearly to every party, involved.

Speaker 2:

You expect other people to kind of know what you're thinking and feeling, which is really weird, but I see it happen all the time. It happens for me, it happens it's got to happen for everybody else, because it's one of those things where it's like this is how I expect things to go and I try to verbalize in different ways, but sometimes it just doesn't connect.

Speaker 1:

And sometimes our picture doesn't even take into account the entire whole view, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2:

We're looking at that experience through our own. Let's call it serial box when you can't read our label, our own lens. Because you're inside the box. So it's like I'm viewing it from my own personal emotional perspective and it's hard for me to communicate that relating to everybody else's personal perspective.

Speaker 1:

What are Jana and Jason even talking about? Let's put this into layman's terms. Well, we've got. I know that's what people are thinking when they listen to us. What are Jana and Jason even talking about? They throw out all this gerbil-berbil.

Speaker 2:

So this year we have again Addy coming to stay with us for the week of that confidence building camp and experiential camp.

Speaker 1:

Addy is 16 years old.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Last year she was 15.

Speaker 1:

And she comes to have Jana and Jason camp, that's what we call it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, for three to six days.

Speaker 1:

Now here's the thing Is, she literally asked us over the summer hey, do you care if I come and go prom dress shopping? And I was like sure, that would be great, just let us know what week you want to come. And she came up with the third weekend in January that she was free to come prom dress shopping. And then she texted us a week ago and said I've already bought a prom dress for this year.

Speaker 2:

I'll see you soon.

Speaker 1:

I'm just going to come in and spend the week with you, which is so cute and we are so flattered. So she is just coming to spend the week with us.

Speaker 2:

And one of the things is we don't want the experience of that week because initially there was a purpose, there was a plan, so we had that design or defined why she was coming, which is how you design the experience. Now there's ambiguity about the trip, yes, other than just personal time and the mentorship and the fun things like that.

Speaker 1:

But let's get clear and to be honest with you last year I felt so badly because we took her to this holiday lighting experience, which ended up being such a dud and in our heads in Jason and Janis heads we kind of built it up to be this awesome experience because the year before it had been awesome, but then the year we took her it was totally it was a dim experience. It was a total turd.

Speaker 2:

So what we want to do is now leaning into especially after the trip we just had to Kansas is leaning into. All right, well, let's define the experience that we want to have, let's vocalize it and get it out, and then let's start designing it and who we have to be. So asking the three most important questions really kind of leans into that understanding of what is. What is this experience going to be like? Just like in life. What is this experience of life going to be like?

Speaker 1:

So really, what we're doing is we're just trying to get clear of okay, what does everybody want, and then let's try to communicate and act as a team. Yeah, that's really what we're doing.

Speaker 2:

Let's build the bridges.

Speaker 1:

Let's build the bridges. So this is a fun experience for everybody.

Speaker 2:

So one of the three most important questions are what do I want to experience? And that can be this weekend, this month, this year or this lifetime. What are the things that I want to experience?

Speaker 1:

If you've listened to Jana and Jason in the past, we have three questions that we ask ourselves in all areas of life. These are the three most important questions. When we go into companies and we speak to companies, this is what we throw out as the three most important questions in life. These are the general, foundational questions. To just start building the gaps. It just starts building the gaps and it's how you start getting to know the team and getting to know your friends, getting to know your family, getting to know your employees. You ask them and yourself what do I want to experience in life? How do I want to grow? That's question number two and question number three is how can I contribute?

Speaker 2:

What is a way that I can contribute?

Speaker 1:

Because when people know what they want to experience, when they know how they want to grow and when they know how they can contribute. It makes them feel valuable, it gives them direction and it also gives them a little bit of excitement within, because it feels like they not only have purpose, but they have a little bit of igniting of their dreams.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and when we bring this down to a short trip, that's a four-day, five-day trip that Addison's coming down for and she's 16, sometimes that contribute question can seem a little weird for a 16-year-old.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's like I'm 16 years old. What you want me to do? The dishes. You want me to make my bed. I don't know how do you want me to contribute? You need me to walk the damn dog.

Speaker 2:

I didn't come here to work, I didn't come here to do your chores. I asked her parents. I said well, what is she good at? Is she good at cleaning toilets? Is she good at dishes?

Speaker 1:

We don't expect her to do that. Come on Cinderella. No, we don't expect her to do any of that.

Speaker 2:

That's not the purpose of Addie coming so we centered the questions and we just adjusted the questions a little bit to kind of adjust for the age and possible resources that she might feel comfortable and expressing or even understanding at this.

Speaker 1:

Well, I mean, if she is learning something in school maybe she's learning how to do something in art, or maybe she's learning how to do something in music class, or maybe she's learning something in tennis that she wants to show us.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes we don't recognize how we can contribute when we feel like we don't have much to give.

Speaker 1:

And if she can come here and say oh my gosh, I get to teach Jana and Jason how to do this new backhand Move that I'm learning in tennis or something. I mean we're we just got pickleball things.

Speaker 2:

For Christmas, for.

Speaker 1:

Christmas. Maybe she can teach us something with pickleball, because she has all of all of these tennis skills. You know, maybe there's carry over there, so if she can contribute somehow that makes her feel valuable as a team member.

Speaker 2:

It's really about team skills and when you know what someone would like to get out of their experience, you can help Fulfill that experience and help them see that, hey, this was a very worthwhile trip. I love it we change the question you instead of what would you like to experience or what do you want to experience in a life, it's what experience or activities would you really enjoy doing while you're here. I love that.

Speaker 1:

and then on the ground, and then that allows her to express a little bit more free way.

Speaker 2:

Now she gets to actually define what she's looking for out of the trip. Yeah, and we can. It's not about marking off things. Yeah, when you feel progress, that feels good and that feels feels fulfilling.

Speaker 1:

So I think, I think. And I've gotten back from here yeah, which I think I mean she's so. She's so cute the way she answered. She was, like you know, shopping is always fine and I'm like she wants to go shopping.

Speaker 2:

Also. She's just grateful for a lot of things, so she has gratitude kind of built in, so she'll find her own return on investment in the time that she's. She's bring it coming down here For right but getting more out of it. So there's a way to get more out of everything that you do and that's just by finding all those beautiful aspects of it.

Speaker 1:

What she doesn't realize is that we signed her up for a ballroom dance ballroom dance.

Speaker 2:

We've signed her up for a couple of things.

Speaker 1:

And we have. We have a couple other things up our sleeve that I don't even want to say out loud, because if I do, she'll probably call us and say I'm not coming, I'm not doing that because fear holds us back.

Speaker 2:

I know that almost kept us out of ballroom dance.

Speaker 1:

I know about that in several podcasts.

Speaker 2:

I know podcast.

Speaker 1:

And we even have a partner that is lined up to our car he's so fun, he is a ton of fun and he, I mean he'll keep her, he'll keep her on her toes.

Speaker 2:

Let's just say that that's good, not intended. Question number two how do you want to grow? Yes, so we just adjusted that a little bit too. Is there something new or interesting you'd like to learn or explore while you're here?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because a 16-year-old probably thinks well, you know, growing upward, you know a 16-year-old would probably take that literally Well, I want to grow upward.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I want to grow taller.

Speaker 1:

I want my hair to grow longer.

Speaker 2:

And then on the third question is how can I contribute? Just asking what is something that you really enjoy doing that would make your time here, and that you enjoy doing and you could share with us or others that would make your time here more fun.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, maybe she wants to go volunteer or something Amazing which could be so fun.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, when you help anywhere, you help everywhere.

Speaker 1:

Maybe we should take her on a wheelchair distribution.

Speaker 2:

Or a bed build.

Speaker 1:

Oh that could. I wonder if there's one going on.

Speaker 2:

They probably they're doing bed builds everywhere for kids who don't have a bed to sleep in, which is crazy to think. Here in America we have so many children that don't have a bed to lay their head in Jason's talking about sleeping with heavenly peace or sleeping in heavenly peace.

Speaker 1:

I'm like bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Sorry, my tongue is getting twisted.

Speaker 2:

Sleep in heavenly peace. No kid sleeps on the floor in our town.

Speaker 1:

Which Jason and I have done several times now, and it is just life profound. It is such a giving experience.

Speaker 2:

It's a way to contribute.

Speaker 1:

It is. It gives to us more than it gives to others. I feel like I go there and I put a few nails in the boards and here I am building a bed and branding it and learning all sorts of things Don't even have to know how to build a bed, a bed, a bread.

Speaker 2:

We just got through it. Why?

Speaker 1:

are we so tongue twisted?

Speaker 2:

You don't even have to know how to do the whole picture. It's that small contribution that creates the bigger picture. Exactly that's kind of what these questions do. All of us are trying to figure out the best way to experience life.

Speaker 1:

It builds the bridge.

Speaker 2:

When we start defining okay, I want to have this experience and then I want to grow this way, I would like to contribute this way, then we have little pinpoints that we can say, yes, I felt that experience, I did that experience. What's next? What are the things that are going to make me feel like this life has been worth it? How did I grow? Yes, I see that I grew this way. Now what's my next level of growth? How do I level up from here? How do I contribute? How do I make myself better? Contribute to me? How do I contribute to my family? How do I contribute to my neighborhood? How do I contribute to the community? How do I contribute to the world? It's just moving the pinpoints in different little areas.

Speaker 1:

We're going to see how this goes. This is the first time that we've actually experimented having our guests answer these questions. We might even interview Addy while she's here and see how that goes.

Speaker 2:

If you have some wonderful answers to these questions, like that's something you want to experience, some way that you want to grow or some way that you want to contribute, and you can't quite figure out how to make it happen. It's not always the how, it's the who. We want to be. That who for you? Send me an email at admin at startlivinglucky, if there's anything that I can help you get clarity around in this.

Speaker 1:

Again the three questions what do you want to experience, how do you want to grow?

Speaker 2:

and how do you want to contribute or how can you?

Speaker 1:

contribute. Do you want to contribute? These are the three most important questions according to Janna and Jason.

Speaker 2:

Keep living lucky.

Speaker 1:

Have a great day, bye-bye. If the idea of living lucky appeals to you, visit us at startlivingluckycom.