Feeling Frustrated? Transform It into Relationship Rocket Fuel with Gratitude
Is your happily ever after on hold thanks to a detour into Frustrationville? You're not alone! But what if you could use those pesky frustrations to actually fuel a deeper, more fulfilling relationship?
Join Jana and Jason, your cheerleaders in love, on an insightful journey through the emotional rollercoaster of relationships. Buckle up as they reveal the secrets to transforming frustration into freakin' gratitude!
Here's what you'll discover in this power-packed episode:
The magic of the "Spin Positive" process - a practical method to shift your emotional gears and turn frowns upside down (with a little gratitude sprinkled in!) ✨
Unlocking the superpower of Emotional Intelligence - Learn how to master your emotions and become a champion of healthy communication in your relationship.
Speaking the Love Language Your Partner Actually Understands - Ditch the misunderstandings and discover the secrets to clear, constructive conversations that get you both on the same page. ❤️
**How to Turn Fights into Fireworks - Yep, you read that right! Learn how to see frustration as a signpost, pointing you towards a more passionate and fulfilling connection.
This episode is your roadmap to a relationship that's not just surviving, but thriving. It's packed with actionable tips, heartwarming stories from Jana and Jason's own journey, and enough laughter to light your love life on fire.
Are you ready to ditch the drama and create a relationship filled with gratitude, connection, and happiness? Hit play and let's go!
P.S. Share this episode with your fellow lovebirds! Everyone deserves a shot at living lucky. #LivingLucky #RelationshipGoals #CommunicationIsKey
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!!! SEND US A MESSAGE: Are you ready to unlock your path to a more inspired life where you're Living Lucky®? Email me directly and let's chart your course toward realizing your dreams and creating a life that fills you with daily inspiration. Email Jason Shelfer HERE
The 4 pillars of Living Lucky Believe in yourself Believe in the people around you Believe in your circumstances and Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.
*Previously Recorded
Jana Shelfer:
Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start living lucky. Good morning. I'm Jana and this is my husband, Jason, and we are Living Lucky®.
Jana Shelfer:
We're talking about frustration today Frustration. How do you deal with frustration?
Jason Shelfer:
So frustrated, so frustrated.
Jana Shelfer:
Okay.
Jason Shelfer:
I've been dealing with it all morning, he sounds jovial and fun and you're because I'm getting poked in the in the frustration points.
Jana Shelfer:
Lucky old Jason is showing up. However, if you would have been here about 10 minutes ago, you would have seen an entirely different Jason, yeah, One who was frustrated and he even said out loud I'm frustrated. And I was like honey, go clear your energy.
Jason Shelfer:
Get away from me. I'm frustrated. Right now, I need my frustration. Vibration room.
Jana Shelfer:
So I literally made him go into the other room and I said go clear your energy Time out.
Jason Shelfer:
Son, you did, that's right. I did Because it's contagious.
Jana Shelfer:
So I want to talk about today.
Jason Shelfer:
It's also not a healthy place to be. It is not Like I recognized, like, but I needed it, point I was. I will tell you right now I needed it pointed out because I was just gonna I was gonna enjoy my frustration.
Jana Shelfer:
You spewed it out on me.
Jason Shelfer:
And tater.
Jana Shelfer:
And tater, and so here's what I want to bring up is we control our energy level, and the way we control our energy is through our mind, thoughts and our heart feelings. Those two things are our thoughts and our feelings. We control our energy, we can change our state, and so I do feel like sometimes we need to point these things out.
Jason Shelfer:
We do need to point them out because otherwise we get, we get caught up in the emotion and we become the emotion or we allow the emotion to lead us, and it's. I can tell you right now because now I have hindsight right that I had and you popped out of it very quickly, I must say because? Because we can manage our emotions. Emotions are there to tell us what we want, like to get us back on track there. The feelings are there as bumper guardrails.
Jason Shelfer:
They really are Just tell you hey, this is, this is not congruent with what you really want. This is you, you. It helps you just push in the right direction. But you don't have to live in it, you don't have to feed the emotion, you just have to process it.
Jana Shelfer:
And here's the thing is Jason and I have all the tools, we have done all of the studying, we have the education behind us, we have the experience, we help other people, and the fact of the matter is we still are human. Yeah, so we still have our moments. And I think to myself you know, if we didn't have all of this, I would.
Jason Shelfer:
I can tell you right now that we would be frustrated and probably in that silent treatment for the day we would be finding, because I would be like well, why did you take it out on me?
Jana Shelfer:
Yeah, that's what I would be thinking about.
Jason Shelfer:
He's taking it out on the dog because he's mad at me. It's, and I would have just, and then you would have gotten silent, I would have gotten silent and we would have done that weird thing where you kind of walk by each other and be like, oh excuse me, in the house.
Jana Shelfer:
And yeah, you become roommates that are trying to avoid each other, but our house isn't a mansion yet.
Jason Shelfer:
So, yes, it's and it's just nice to be able to say, to have it pointed out, to have the mirror put up and to have the tools to get out of it, to process the emotion, see what it's telling me, where it's coming from, and be grateful for it.
Jana Shelfer:
In like 90 seconds I'm gonna tell you, though, if anyone is listening to this and they think, oh, I'm just gonna point it out when my spouse is being in a crappy mood.
Jason Shelfer:
Being an ass, yeah.
Jana Shelfer:
Yeah, it might not go over well.
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, you both have to understand that communication and also have knowing where you're going like, knowing what the plan is, because you came at it in love, you came at it with hey you're being. Is this the way you want to be? Is it? Are you feeling the way you want to feel or are you feeling disempowered right now? Yes, and I was feeling the way I was. So there's two things to that because I was feeling the way I thought I wanted to feel in the moment and I was feeling disempowered because I was lying to myself about wanting to feel frustrated.
Jana Shelfer:
Yes.
Jason Shelfer:
So when you pointed it out, it just allowed me that moment to breathe yeah and say hey, no, this is a crappy feeling that. And you said go check yourself. And I did and I just I went in there, I took a couple deep breaths.
Jana Shelfer:
He literally went into the kitchen, which is the next room over, and what did you do? How did you, how did you transmute that energy? Because you came back and now this is the energy I love.
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, and it's. It's just taking a couple deep breaths and saying, okay, why was I frustrated when? What was it directed at?
Jana Shelfer:
What is this telling me, what is this feeling telling me?
Jason Shelfer:
And then also being grateful for it and being grateful that you, you helped me recognize it, because a lot of times we have emotions and we allow them to to either rest in us and become part of us and we don't process them, which makes them keep coming back up, keep coming back up over the same thing over time.
Jana Shelfer:
It goes back to Jason, and I developed this process called spin positive and it, literally, is step one. You become aware. Become aware. What is it that I'm feeling? What is it that I'm thinking? What is happening right now? What is happening?
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, because an emotion can be kind of like a like a cellophane veil over you so you can still see it or you can still see through it. The problem is it's starting to suffocate you.
Jana Shelfer:
Step two what am I telling myself about this circumstance or situation? Am I in? The disempowerment mode or am I in the empowerment questions? So empowerment questions would be how is this teaching me? What can I learn what? What is the the lesson that I want to extract from this particular situation? Those are empowering questions because it gives you control.
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, not. Why is this happening to me? What's? Why is? Why is everything always screw up? Why do I do the wrong things? Those are so disempowering.
Jana Shelfer:
Those are disempowering and so many times we automatically are programmed to go into those disempowering self-talk.
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, if you feel like you're beating yourself up, you are. And if you feel like you're beating yourself up, that's disempowerment. If you feel like you're lifting yourself up or growing or learning something, that's empowerment.
Jana Shelfer:
You know, we would never treat our child the way we treat ourselves right if we could just treat ourselves like our inner child. So step three, then, is to find a way to be grateful for whatever it is that's happening. What's great about this? How lucky am I? That puts you on top of the situation, on top of the circumstance, and you can actually see it in a light like the universe is doing me a favor right now.
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, my emotions are. We're emotional, spiritual beings and in a physical body, and these emotions are literally just little nudges, or they can be something that knocks us over, but if we, if we get used to them and build a relationship with our emotions, yes, then we can. They can just be little nudges that lovingly tell you hey, you're off track right now. Just this is this is what's frustrating you, this is what you're upset about, this is what's causing you dis-ease. Let's get you back into a state of peace and growth.
Jana Shelfer:
And then step four is how can I move forward? So, focus forward. What's the best next step. Let's let it go, it's already in the past and let's focus forward. So let's just take a baby step into what we can control, which, in this case, it's our energy, it's our emotion, it's our feelings. Right now, it's our space. We can change our state by breathing, by literally changing our posture, by focusing on other things, focusing on the growth like what was in the love of you pointing it out.
Jason Shelfer:
It wasn't a you're wrong. You didn't say anything about you're wrong. In your emotion you said, hey, go figure it out what's happening right now what's happening right now. Go figure it out and then come back. And if we wanted to talk about it, we could have, but I needed that space to breathe and figure it out for myself before I started trying to enunciate it or articulate it.
Jana Shelfer:
Yes, and really I mean this all I'm just gonna, I'm gonna be really really vulnerable right now. This all happened over a business card. Yeah, clown all over a business card. Jason had business cards made. I picked up the business card and I was like you don't have what you do on here. You have, like, all these little bananas and I mean it's fun.
Jason Shelfer:
It's a fun card I ordered in haste but I added to a card that I already had, and it just got junky and clunky. It got junky and clunky, so as a frustrates me that I bought them like I spent money and I didn't take the time to just slow down and say what do I really want on this card?
Jana Shelfer:
And so when I said, if I was a stranger, looking at this business card, my eye doesn't know where to go and I don't know what you do, and I don't know why, I would call you, except for you just look like a really fun person. And anyway, he then experienced frustration, and at that time Tater was at his feet.
Jason Shelfer:
Chase him around? Yeah, probably just wanting to have fun. Wanting love, yeah, wanting love, and all of a sudden I was like get out of my space. You did. I'm feeling frustration, vibrations, and how many times do we do this to our kids. For our spouses.
Jana Shelfer:
For our spouses. And then what goes on in their head is they don't realize what you've just gone through, what they take from that is I'm feeling unloved. I'm not wanted, I'm a burden, I'm in the way. She is contagious and we all tell ourselves stories about situations and circumstances that are happening right now, and many times those stories lead to oh my gosh, it's my fault, yeah, it's my fault.
Jason Shelfer:
I'm not enough.
Jana Shelfer:
I caused Jason to get frustrated, which I had nothing to do with it.
Jason Shelfer:
Yeah, you know Something's wrong with me. Tater had nothing to do with it. I did something wrong, I did something bad, all these things.
Jana Shelfer:
Yeah, it's so. Anyway, this is how life works, and until we get aware of the process, how to deal with the process and to start creating what we want, which, jason, I give you props because you handled this really really well, like I. This is where I look back at our journey and the communication between the two of us, how we show up for each other and when we do point something out which in most relationships, would be poking the bear.
Jason Shelfer:
Right. It feels like a cactus getting or a cheese grater getting rubbed up against you and that's, honestly, that's how I think both of us felt 10 years ago, when we would point something out. But now we have the tools, now we have the understanding, and we also know that everything is coming in love because we are going to the same place.
Jana Shelfer:
Like we are on the same direction. We are on the same team and we're here to make each other better. Make each other just love each other.
Jason Shelfer:
We're here to help each other, love each other and we know that we've both done the best that we can with what we have like in our capacity, with our mental space, our spiritual space, our emotional space, our physical space, you know in the moment, so nothing is wrong. Just how could we be better?
Jana Shelfer:
How can we move?
Jason Shelfer:
it. How can we get on track and move in the right direction and get more energy, more love, more excitement and be extraordinary?
Jana Shelfer:
And Tater is wagging her tail at that.
Jana Shelfer:
And as she is, as she loves that word. Thank you guys for joining us.
Jana Shelfer:
We so appreciate it. Share this with a friend. You know. You never know. This might hit the right person at the right time, and they may have a spouse that's been so frustrated and they're feeling inside oh my gosh, what did I do? He doesn't like to be around me.
Jason Shelfer:
And they both get stuck in the emotion. So become aware of the emotion and allow yourself to process it and find the right direction of where you want to go. What do you want to feel? Keep Living Lucky®.
Jana Shelfer:
Bye-bye. If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. livinglucky. com.