Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana

Thoughtful Authenticity

February 05, 2024 Jana and Jason Shelfer Season 6 Episode 16
Living Lucky® Podcast with Jason and Jana Banana
Thoughtful Authenticity
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

🚀 Embark on a Journey to Thoughtful Authenticity: Discover the Power of Your Narrative

Ready for a transformative odyssey? Join us, Jason and Jana Shelfer, on our latest Living Lucky Podcast episode, where we unravel the delicate art of "Thoughtful Authenticity: Walking the Tightrope Between Genuine Self-Expression and Oversharing."

Have you ever felt caught between the desire to express your true self and the fear of oversharing? It's a tightrope walk we all navigate, and in this episode, we dive deep into the heart of thoughtful authenticity. We unpack the complexities of staying genuine while steering clear of the negativity vortex that can accompany raw emotion.

🌟 Key Takeaways:

  1. Crafting Your Narrative: Your stories have the power to mold your experiences. We explore how to become the architects of our identity and empower ourselves through intentional storytelling.
  2. Detaching from Pain: As life coaches, we share strategies to detach from the pain that can stifle personal and professional growth. Discover the power of viewing yourself as an observer for emotional respite and sharper decision-making skills.
  3. Living Lucky Philosophy: Thoughtful authenticity is not just about baring your soul—it's a commitment to aligning expressions with values. Explore the 'living lucky' philosophy as we invite you to turn raw emotion into constructive self-portrayal.
  4. Setting Healthy Boundaries: Learn the importance of setting boundaries. We discuss how saying no when things don't align with your values gives you the space to respectfully disagree and stand up for what you believe in.
  5. Evolution of Authenticity: Being thoughtfully authentic is an evolving process that demands continual self-examination. It's about intentional identity crafting, setting boundaries, and turning raw emotion into constructive self-portrayal.

🎙️ Tune in for Insights:
Get ready for honest communication, empowerment, and a deeper connection as we share personal experiences and insights. #ThoughtfulAuthenticity is not just an art—it's a journey to a more meaningful and genuine connection with yourself and others.

Ready to redefine your narrative and embrace the power of thoughtful authenticity? Press play and join the Living Lucky community on this transformative journey.

authenticity, personal growth, self-expression, boundaries, communication, relationships, Living Lucky, Jana Shelfer, Jason Shelfer, how to be authentic without oversharing, detaching from emotional pain, living a life aligned with your values, communication tips, positive psychology podcasts, life coaches, personal development enthusiasts, new L


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The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Speaker 1:

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start living lucky. Good morning, I'm Jana, I'm Jason and you are living lucky because today we are talking about thoughtful authenticity.

Speaker 2:

That's right.

Speaker 1:

What is thoughtful authenticity.

Speaker 2:

It's being true to yourself Okay.

Speaker 1:

I like that.

Speaker 2:

But there's an added layer of careful consideration and actually reflection, like self-reflection.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so let's put this in layman's terms, because what you're really saying is it's important to be true to our core, true to our soul and completely authentic, sincere, show up genuinely. However, I don't know about you guys, but I've gotten into some situations. I've listened to some speeches, I've been out to coffee with friends where it gets a little bit of.

Speaker 2:

let's vomit our emotions, it gets raw, and especially in the world of personal development when people a lot of times when people hear be authentic, it's almost like they gravitate to the truth that they've told themselves and created and where they were hurt like all the drama Dig down Drama and drama.

Speaker 1:

They do. They dig down to the drama and drama and then when somebody calls them out on it like I know this happened to me After the pandemic I remember I was almost complaining and feeling sorry for myself and I remember you a couple times said Jana, let it go, you have to choose who you want to be. And then I would come back and say but that's not being authentic to my feelings, that's not being true to my emotions.

Speaker 1:

And that's stopping on the surface, because, yeah, we feel this, but the thing is, the more I stew in my feelings and emotions, guess what I create A doom loop. I create more of the same. It's like you're telling the universe verse. You know what I really like feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and I really like feeling the pain that's deep down, and so you can never fully let it go.

Speaker 2:

I think the other side of that is a lot of these feelings come from how the meaning we're putting behind the circumstances that are happening, like what we're telling ourselves about that meaning and I'll go to a conversation, like when we're having conversations with friends and if they're being quote, unquote, authentic and bringing out that raw authenticity of themselves but they're doing well, like everything about them looks like they're doing well and they're living in this past of these things happen to me when really that helped them become who they are.

Speaker 1:

It goes back to. This is happening to me, poor me.

Speaker 2:

It's victimology is what it is.

Speaker 1:

And the thing is, is the more people spew those thoughts and feelings? First of all, it's contagious. It is so contagious, so whoever you're spewing it to, you are now vomiting all over them, basically.

Speaker 2:

And they're getting all that on them.

Speaker 1:

And now here's the rub and here's the distinction. So I want to make this very, very clear, because let's just say, you have a friend, that's really hurting.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

I don't know why I emphasize hurting, but let's just say you have a friend that's going through a tough time, going through some pain and some struggles. It's important for them to get that out.

Speaker 2:

True.

Speaker 1:

But when they start ruminating in it, when that pain and suffering and struggling starts becoming their identity, it starts becoming comfortable.

Speaker 2:

It's pervasive, it's personal, it's all around them, it becomes their identity.

Speaker 1:

And again, it's victimology is where they fall and all of a sudden they're like well, I'm just being true to myself, I'm being authentic and this is how I feel it's different. Let me just tell you a secret. Let me just tell everyone a secret we are bigger than our feelings, we are bigger than our conditions and we are definitely bigger than our thoughts. And when you realize I am greater I am greater than what I'm feeling you raise your consciousness and you can change your reality just like a snap of a finger. I snap three times.

Speaker 1:

But really you only have to snap once.

Speaker 2:

I love being able to see the visual, because I see people kind of digging that ditch of like this is where I'm going to, this is where I'm staying, and when you keep digging the ditch, you just can't get out of the ditch. You can, but it feels like you can't and it takes that somebody shaking you and saying, hey, leave that behind you. The ditch was back there, you didn't have to dig it any deeper. Let's go day forward from here. Let's move forward. Yeah, what's the best next step? And how can I be authentically powerful for having survived that?

Speaker 1:

And I know that people listening to this are going to say Jamma, you are being cold, You're not sensitive and you are not being compassionate. On the contrary, I am helping. I am helping because what we think and feel is what we create.

Speaker 2:

Well, yeah, because it's what we do. I mean, we do the things that we do because of what we think and feel about where we are and who we are.

Speaker 1:

I want to bring in another example, because Jason works with a lot of people who are becoming life coaches. So Jason is a coaches coach and many of them they have these. I mean, you talk to them and they're like yeah, you know, I went through this in my life and so now I'm going to help these particular people. Well, the minute they start talking about what they went through, they start feeling the pain, they start feeling the emotions. And here's the thing when you're talking from inside the wound, nobody wants your help. Nobody wants your help. So then they think, well, why isn't my coaching business growing? I'll tell you why Because you're stuck in the swamp.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and you're. Basically, if your life is a story and your life is in a book, you're reading those painful chapters over and over again. You're not reading the successful journey out of those chapters and if you're just going to keep reading that quote unquote, authentic hurt and damage part of the story, that's what people are going to remember the most. I mean it's that whole. It's contagious thing. It rubs off and the words stick because, honestly, people feel that we all feel the same things. We all feel like we're not enough, like it's available but it's not for me. We all have these same feelings, but having someone that we are possibly looking up to or wanting to work with express these at you quote unquote authentically makes you be like, oh, this person is too much like me. I don't want to be like them anymore. I'm trying to not be.

Speaker 1:

I'm trying to not be them.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm trying to grow out of this.

Speaker 1:

So thoughtful authenticity I'm not saying don't honor your emotions, and I know personally that in order to really release them and transmute them into positive, you have to go through the fire. The only way through the fire is through the fire. So the only way through these emotions is to feel them. I understand that that being thoughtful, authentic is knowing your audience. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And also knowing that you have to be objective about those feelings, like they are telling you something. You're bumping up against a bumper or a guardrail, so they are telling you something. What are they telling you? Is it true or is? Am I being told that by myself? Because it's painful and I'm living in that emotion from that point of view. So if I can change my perspective and say, okay, if I was looking at this from 30,000 feet or from across the street.

Speaker 1:

That's the trick. So here's the hack, because I know that people are going to say well, how do we do that? Because when I'm feeling something, I'm feeling it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's like stepping in dog crap. When you step in it, all you can do is see it, you smell it and you're like, oh my God, it's all over you. It's like you don't want to be around anyone else because they smell it.

Speaker 1:

It consumes you. So the hack, the trick is to picture it like you're watching a movie. Picture it, picture the exact same scenario with you in it on a TV screen and in your mind, just removing yourself from actually in the experience to watching it on a movie. It allows your brain to realize oh my gosh, this is just happening and it's not positive. It's not negative, it's just a circumstance, and I get to choose how I want to move forward. I get to choose how I receive this. So if you can somehow get out in your brain, close your eyes and picture yourself watching it on a movie screen, all of a sudden, now you have removed yourself from in it, you've taken the investment out of it, which is really a huge investment in yourself.

Speaker 1:

It's investment and emotion. It's like investing in the stock market you know when you're.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, if you're looking at a stock and you don't have any money and you don't have any stock, that's changing the price range.

Speaker 1:

You're in it and you're feeling it and you're like I don't know, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, you start getting emotional. But if you step out and say, well, here are the rules I'm following, if this stock hits this amount, then I'm definitely going to sell, and if it falls to this amount, I'm getting out and those are the rules, those are my stop losses. It's being aware. You're still being authentic to this damn stock. You're just being aware that I'm not going to fall prey.

Speaker 2:

And because that allows you to respond to what's happening. Having those boundaries allows you to respond to what's happening instead of react in the emotional moment.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what are some of the benefits of once we learn this concept of being thoughtful, authentic? Let me say that again Thoughtfully authentic. What are some of the benefits?

Speaker 2:

So I think some of the benefits are just a deeper, closer connection to the people that you're dealing with and also more empowerment for yourself.

Speaker 1:

I think empowerment is key Because, like I said, we want to be real, we want those raw emotions and we want to share those with people, because that is how you connect. But you also have to realize wait a minute by sharing this with my husband every single night, is he going to? Is?

Speaker 2:

that dirtying him up it is.

Speaker 1:

It's going to eventually turn him off and he's going to say you know what, Jalen, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it because you're just bringing us down.

Speaker 2:

And then when I don't want to hear it, then when you feel like you're not getting heard, eventually there's either a blow-up or a shut-off there there is. There's a blow back, is what it is which is always a great, especially when you want the relation.

Speaker 1:

I don't feel heard. If I can't talk to my husband, who can I talk to? Well, the truth is I could. I could go to a therapist, I could go to a counselor, I could go in In other venues. I I really give people here's. Here's my little personal rule. I Let people give me their sob story Once, maybe twice, on the third time if it comes out again.

Speaker 2:

Hey, it's time for you to change that story.

Speaker 1:

I say I'm sorry, we're not gonna ruminate in this because that is not empowering ourselves when we life is not happening to you, life is, life is happening for you.

Speaker 2:

But you're too on top of it and in the emotion to do the self-reflection and get objective about it. There's so many multiple truths to everything happening. It's the meanings that create these emotions, and then we start reacting accordingly and then that's just like you said. That's the life we start creating and manifesting, because we, when we act, have those actions. Those are the results we're gonna get us what I know that there's a few Benefits.

Speaker 1:

Let's just go through those.

Speaker 2:

So what I have is a list of Ways thoughtful authenticity can manifest itself, and it's an honest communication. Okay, and that's beautiful. That's a connecting powerful tool honest, communication. After the self-relection lives everybody well. It's after the self-reflection and in getting like this is how I felt, this is this is what, how I acted in that. But I understand that I'm okay right now and this is how I'm gonna move forward. I love that. And then setting healthy boundaries. You know, say no and something doesn't align with your values.

Speaker 1:

But knowing your values is key knowing your values is what it all comes down to.

Speaker 2:

Gives you space and room to respectfully disagree with people that aren't moving in accordance with your values or boundaries.

Speaker 1:

I love it.

Speaker 2:

I love it stand up for what you believe in.

Speaker 1:

Awesome, great podcast today. Like seriously, I feel like I have not only Been in this, but if I removed myself and I pretended that I was listening to this for the first time, I would say, oh my gosh, I came away with so many takeaways.

Speaker 2:

And one of the things for me is I realized a lot. Sometimes I'm not being thoughtfully authentic, mm-hmm, because I didn't have the courage to just say how I felt at the time, when I know that it's not incongruous, it's one of my values, things like that. So I'm not saying that I have it perfect or right. It's always a work in progress and we're always becoming Authentic because our authenticity evolves as we grow, and we grow to recognize it more and more the more we look at it and study it.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if you all can hear this. But, we are in the middle of a hailstorm, so I'm gonna sign off now. Thank you so much. We're living like us and keep living Bye Bye. If the idea of living lucky appeals to you, visit us at startlivingluckycom.

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